Life At 30

Photo by Austris Augusts on Unsplash

I recently turned 30. Before, I saw this transition as a major event. Suddenly I felt so old…and ashamed. Of myself, I couldn’t look at my 17-year old self and how he imagined I would be at this age.

I had big dreams for my 30-year old self. I imagined that by now, my beautiful wife would be on her second year married to me, with our first or second child on the way. My huge house would have a long driveway and a well-trimmed hedge with a large yard for me and the boys to barbecue and talk about life.

Suffice to say I have not achieved any of that by now, but that does not mean I will never accomplish such. I had given myself a deadline, and life handed me a dose of reality, a bit harsh if I may add.

I saw someone write on threads that there is a certain grief one goes through when life goes completely opposite of what you planned. It teaches you to love and appreciate the small things, like waking up alive. Its cliche to seek gratitude, but one must get over their anger at the powers that be and overcome their ego.

There are dreams one will have to release, and it will feel like detaching from a part of themselves. Sort of a limb they always carried around, now it has to be cut off.

Holding on to the old only prevents one from having better experiences. Believe it or not, there is better out there, you just have to stop closing off. I also learned that from my dating experience- those standards one held when they were younger, they lower as we age. I am not saying to settle for the bare minimum or something abusive; I mean opening oneself up to people they ‘typically’ would not date and let them teach what love really means.

Do We Have A Higher Purpose?

Some people get stuck searching for purpose. They believe in a higher calling, a responsibility to save humanity. That belief ignites them, and the chase their dream relentlessly until it comes to fruition, which is not always guaranteed. They must remain open to iteration.

Others cruise through life, ‘flowing’ through it as long as they have food on the table.

I saw a quote somewhere, ‘Everyone is an artist until rent is due.’

Sometimes one will put their dream on hold for a job they do not like just to survive.

In my younger years, I wanted to be a famous tech guy with a successful startup, and I did pursue that dream until I realized how incredibly tough it was to set up an successful organization, especially in a developing country.

I could only survive for so long without first taking up a day job to pay my bills.

Later, it dawned on me that the type of success I was chasing was superficial- sure, I wanted to solve a problem in society, only not for the sake of the global wellbeing, but for my selfish gain. My frustration was rooted on the fact that I was not famous yet- I was not Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates…I was not there yet.

I realized that their type of success involved solving a problem (s) that made humanity more advanced. Toyota, Walmart, Microsoft, Facebook, Nvidia, Apple, Amazon, Open AI…despite what they have evolved into, these are all companies that upgraded the survival of the human species. They made life more seamless and easier.

That is what one should aim for in their pursuit of success according to my learning- solving problems that make life better and easier. The size of the challenge matters depending on the reward pursued. The bigger the problem, the more tougher it will be finding a solution, but discovering it will be extremely rewarding.

When To Exit

I also learned one great lesson in my 20s- one must know when to exit. The business, the conversation, room, bar, club, friendship, relationship…

There’s a popular saying- If you realize you’re on the wrong train, get off at the nearest station because the longer you stay, the more expensive your return ticket will be.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the harder and longer it will be to heal those wounds.

The longer you stay in a loss-making business, the harder it will be to recover your capital or pull yourself out of a hole.

Exiting is a skill in itself- one must master when to leave so they will not get out right before things get better. It also means one must be courageous to leave good or subpar opportunities for greater ones.

My Life Is In My Hands

Call me superstitious, but I believe in prophecy. Some people read birth charts, other consult horoscopes, others see visions…regardless, sometimes the future can be foretold. However, will that dream automatically come to fruition?

If one foretold that you would be an engineer when you grew up, and you had zero interest in science, would you believe them? If so, you would probably dive into everything engineering related. However, if in doubt, you would leave it for fate to decide.

Individually, despite believing in such, I am for the philosophy that my life is in my hands. My actions have direct consequences concerning my life. If I make bad decisions, I will pay for those and vice versa. Having grown up in a religious setting, I would have waited for God to come and ‘save me’ after making a plethora of poor decisions, but I quickly learned that even though God would save me from whatever I had done, the consequences would linger and I would have to deal with them.

If I chose to do nothing about my future then there would be no way to advance or evolve myself. I bear that responsibility.

Same as the individual who is informed they will be an engineer. If they choose to waste their life for instance, on fentanyl during their younger years, their dream will not be fulfilled and someone else more worthy will take it up. That, or it might get delayed as they recover from their poor decisions. Maybe, and sometimes those bad life moves will be the ones to push them to their true destiny.

Older folks tell me that I am only getting started. That makes me simultaneously anxious and eager for what’s ahead. Hopefully good things will come.