Lambs to the Slaughter: Is Filial Piety Earned or Owed?

Agnus Dei (c. 1635–1640), by Francisco de Zurbarán.

At the core of Confucianism, filial piety encompasses the love, respect, and affection that is displayed towards one’s parents. Confucius held that filial piety was the root of morality and that the habituation of virtuous behavior can be done through one’s own family — see Figure I.

Stephen Angle, the author of Growing Moral: A Confucian Guide to Life, noted that one of his contemporaries regarded filial piety not as an obligation but rather as a natural sentiment that stems from reciprocity between a parent and a child.

[I]t [filial piety] is ‘the sense of gratitude, reverence, and love that children naturally feel when they are nurtured, supported, and cared for by people who do so out of a loving concern for the child’s well being’ (Angle, 28)

That is, instead of filial piety being seen as something that should be followed dogmatically, it should be seen as something that arises in a child organically.

Figure I: Filial piety renders one with the ability to first nurture virtue within themselves and their home and then expand those virtues into other moral circles to broaden the moral community.

Zixia asked about filial piety. The Master said: ‘It is the attitude that matters. If young people merely offer their services when there is work to do, or let their elders drink and eat when there is wine and food, how could this ever pass as filial piety?’ (Confucius, 2.8)

In Analects 2.8, Confucius highlights the importance of one’s demeanor in filial piety by acknowledging that filial piety isn’t about merely showing respect towards one’s elders but also about displaying love and affection.

A son allowing his elders to take precedence at the dinner table but having indifference, and even a touch of resentment written on his face, would render his elders to believe that his internal character is lacking true love and affection. In contrast, a son with a positive demeanor, who effortlessly allows his elders to take precedence, has already instilled the ritual of how to present himself in front of them; in turn, he has been connected to virtues such as respect and benevolence.

As I see it, I agree with filial piety to the extent that it’s reciprocal; that is, that it’s understood and acted on in a manner that doesn’t psychologically harm the child. I often hear it brought into question whether one should undeniably respect, care for, and obey their parents, even if they’re hardly present in their children’s lives. This is in the sense that they don’t display love and affection towards their own children and merely provide them with what is necessary, such as food and shelter. There are further instances where parents make puppets of their children, who are occasionally incurred with shame if they don’t comply with or live up to the image that their parents wish for them to become.

Saturn Devouring His Son (c. 1819–1823), by Francisco Goya.

In these cases, there’s no reciprocity between the parents and their children; for they themselves aren’t adequately providing the love and affection that play a pivotal role in their children’s developing morality. I ultimately worry that neglecting the sentiments of your children might infuse them with resentment and psychological distress as a result of an unloved childhood.

Bibliography

Angle, Stephen C. Growing Moral: A Confucian Guide to Life. Oxford University Press, 2022.

Confucius, & Slingerland, E. (2003). Analects: With selections from traditional commentaries. Hackett Publishing.