The fig tree analogy: a mind full of ideas paralysed by indecision

The fig tree analogy came to light with Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, and the exploration of the fig tree as a metaphor for the unlimited possibilities that lay before us, harping on a single decision.

The quote, “I find myself standing beneath my own metaphorical fig tree. I want to be so many things”, stays with me after five years and creates a jumble of meanings throughout the time. In the past, I was intrigued by the fig tree analogy because it meant that life was full of possibilities and it can branch out in so many ways.

The branches spread out into different directions, and I could choose any branch whether that was being a writer, being a teacher, or being a journalist. Maybe I was just 19, so the world seemed black and white but now it’s become morally gray.

As I grew older, I sought out a meaning that resonated with the part of me that was struggling. The fig tree analogy became a metaphor for the multitude of ideas I possessed in life but the indecision that plagued them all. Every decision I made about anything, I became obsessed with the possibilities that I was unable to make a decision at all. Maybe that’s what it always meant, but the current shadow of life, marred my interpretation of the fig trees and the decision fatigue that came with it.

I’ll be honest, I still, to this day, haven’t been able to complete the Bell Jar. The main character was conniving with racist understories that I couldn’t stomach, hence the distaste every time I put myself through reading its pages. When I chanced upon the fig tree analogy, however, I became obsessed with the meaning of it. Every anomaly, in my life, every ordeal was compared to the fig tree.

“If only I had chosen the other option”

Sometimes the other option wasn’t even plainly in sight because I was overwhelmed with indecision that the implications were always a result of my paralysis. Then I would ponder on the decision made by indecision and regret not making a timely decision to avoid the plague. It would be an endless loop of paralysis, with no end in sight. The questions weren’t “do I want to be a writer” or “do I want to do this in the future”, it intersected with every decision I made on every single day.

It became more into, “do I choose this trajectory for the current situation” — decision paralysis became a figment of my daily thoughts. It interfered with the raging obsession of choosing a particular thing. It was daunting, possessive and time-consuming.

Ultimately, I realized I was becoming an enemy of myself and inflicting self-hating mechanisms to avoid the pressure of a decision. Avoidance became my only anchor, and decision fatigue was the deafening ocean overwhelming my shores.

The fig tree analogy, still remains a symbol of the possibilities before us, the exploration of the unknown and the positive connotations ahead, but it also still remains a big reason for the decision paralysis I face when the implications results in the multitude of notions branching out.

The sea of possibilities as one says, can be an oppressing one as well when the decision you make is the wrong one, or it could be a coping mechanism for avoiding the responsibility of a decision and leaving it to chance?