[embed]How about “Good Night, Moon?”

EVERYONE HAS THEIR LIMITS

Top Things Samuel L Jackson Never Said

Not even when he was really, really pissed off

While holding a poisonous snake, Jackson calls his director to yell, “You wanted me to say what? I don’t think so!” Deadline

It’s one thing to write about things that Captain Kangaroo never said and stuff that you’d never hear come out of Big Bird’s mouth, but it’s another to come up with things Samuel L. Jackson wouldn’t say. I mean, this is the guy who complained about those “mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane” and told kids “Go the fuck to sleep.” So, there doesn’t seem to be much he wouldn’t say except…

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Even when he was talking about how big someone’s brain is. Reddit.

A gun is a really good way to do it.

I wish I could hand out world peace and unconditional love wrapped in a big bow.

I mean can you imagine Jackson following that up by singing “Kumbaya?”

I love you. You complete me.

They say no man is an island, but Jackson just might be. What the hell do they know, anyway?

In another life I think I would have really liked just doing laundry and paying taxes with you.

Or while eating Le Burger Royale. Entertainment Weekly.

Yeah, nobody would say that. Not even Richard Simmons.

I can hardly wait. A friend. A companion. Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo!

Um….yeah.

I’m done being scared. I’m done living in a world where I don’t get to be who I am. I deserve a great love story

Followed by “I could have been a contender.”

There’s no crying in baseball!

Come to think of it….

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings

Although it is easy to imagine a small devil Jackson on one shoulder and an angel one on the other…yelling at each other across your body.

Don’t forget: I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.

Yeah, that’ll happen.

I love you, you love me

We’re a happy family.

🖱️ Click [MuddyUm humoristas](https://muddyum.net/amy-sea-to-toni-crowe-clickable-access-to-feature-pages-3088106c0c45) to find hidden feature pages.

🖱️ Click here to subscribe to Muddyum’s newsletter, “The Real Dirt.”

✔️ Check out our links.

🚢 The publishing mother ship.

🫶🏼 Support writers. All our non-profit’s offerings here.

Brand art by David Todd McCarty