Panty Liners, Pencils, and Psychological Warfare

I was told not to overthink. So, I overthought that.

Photo by Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on Unsplash

Had my psych eval for work this morning. Exhausting. Took every ounce of strength to hide my crazy.

The psychologist spent a rushed fifteen minutes getting to know me. Please, I’ve worked with these people for two years, and not one of them has figured out how awesome I am, what makes him think he can do it in fifteen minutes? Still, I’m pretty sure I’m doing great. He scribbled something down. It was probably either “stable genius” or “excellent at pretending.” I’ll gladly take either.

Then he explained the next phase: two hours of filling in circles.

He helpfully clarified that it’s okay to shade a little outside the circles, but not too much, and to fill them in at least 90%. Fantastic. Now I have to worry about staying inside lines, on top of decoding double negatives disguised as positives. He then advised me not to overthink the questions, or I’d misinterpret them. Oh, and by the way, the test includes a built-in lie-detector analysis, so he’ll know if I’m dishonest.

Wait, so I have to carefully read the questions but not think too much about them? Sir, I overthink every social interaction. Let’s clear something up now before I spend two hours carefully coloring inside the lines: Does taking an extra panty liner from the employee bathroom count as theft? He didn’t answer, just quietly showed me to the ladies’ room on the way to the testing area.

When I knocked on his office door to hand in my meticulously shaded circles, he looked up and said, “That was quick.”

Great. Now I’m worried about my shading and my speed.

I left quickly, but not before stealing his pencil. You know, just to keep things interesting.