Scarred Deep Within My Skin

I swear, the experience of acne is awful. It makes you feel deep shame, it affects every single part of my life. Every single day i am stressing out because of my inflamed skin, and the stress induces more inflammation thus adding more acne on the surface and the pattern continues. It’s really tiring trying countless OTC products, changing the diet, trying a bunch of herbal remedies that claimed itself as a product that would save my life. Don’t even mention the hateful inner speech that arises everytime I look at my own reflection in the mirror.

Makeup has been a tool that cured the inner wound (shame), i spend my money trying to find the perfect complexion that would turn my skin into a porcelain doll. But it’s simply impossible, because smooth makeup requires a smooth canvas to begin with, i do feel like a pig with lipstick most of the time. Regardless, i still put it on and on every single day.

Not only it scarred the skin visibly on the outside, acne scarred the soul as well. The acne does heal, the scars that are left can be treated with a bunch of beauty procedures, the infamous microneedling, PRP, rejuran, and others. But can the wound of being ashamed with oneself can be healed? Even when my skin has improved its health, it’s like i never feel satisfied, it’s like i’m looking through the world with glasses of shame, i still feel uncomfortable being in my own skin.