Third Trimester Diaries

9/11/22 I am currently 29 weeks (and 1 day) pregnant. This will be a little space for me to document my last trimester of pregnancy. I will keep an online diary of my thoughts each week and record how I feel physically and mentally. I have not done as good of a job writing about my pregnancy in my journal, so an online platform may be a better space for me to write and record. I may look back and remember this as a time when my body felt completely foreign compared to the body of future me. Or perhaps if I am ever pregnant again, I will check back here to compare weeks. These are perks to writing my thoughts down. With this final countdown to baby, I know I want to document it and remember my thoughts and insecurities. I want to see if my hypotheses of what’s in store regarding being a new parent are correct.

I have written about my adventures here before. I’ve mainly published my experiences of living abroad and traveling. The words in this blog are different than those adventures, but in a way, they do feel similar. A great adventure full of unknowns but excitement.

I hope to read this in the future and know then that the worrying was for nothing, for I have been worrying recently. I am not concerned about the rest of my pregnancy or birth but about the postpartum and the newborn stage. My anxiety has surfaced as the clock ticks down to having my baby. But I cannot wait to meet him, just like I couldn’t wait to meet Spain. And I know that, like traveling abroad, I will experience the most incredible things. Some of that will be planned, and some will be unexpected. Then, complex and uncertain times will come up. And I will have to get through it. And the reward will be worth it. Every parent tells me it is. My counselor quoted Charles Dickens, saying having a newborn is “the best of times and the worst of times.” So, I will trust that without experiencing it for myself yet. It can’t all be bad. People have more than one kid, and many mothers say they would give anything to return to the time I will soon enter. So I hope it is not all delirious sleeplessness and constantly feeling overwhelmed.

Week 29: The last week of being in the “twenties.” Stretch marks suddenly appeared around my belly button almost overnight. I hoped I would not mind them, but they bother me a little. I worry my body will never be the same after pregnancy. And these stretch marks seem to confirm that to be the case. I am trying not to let it bother me and to be thankful to my body for what it can do. But I honestly do hope the stretchmarks don’t get bigger. Knowing how much longer I still have to go and how tight my skin feels in that area, they will most likely get more prominent- one of the first of many “new normal” things I will have to accept. My belly, of course, feels bigger, but the sciatic back pain I’ve experienced throughout pregnancy feels much better this week. I attribute that to the fact that I could work from home recently for a week, allowing me to frequently change my sitting positions and move to different areas of the house to stay comfortable, rather than sitting at a desk all day while working. I still have had steady pain on the left side of my ribcage. I don’t know if it is “nesting,” but I have done lots of baking and cooking this week and working on a macrame baby mobile, which has been so fun. I sat in the baby’s room for a long time yesterday, working on my macrame. I enjoy being in his room now that things have mostly come together.

I’ve also consumed more donuts than I ever thought I would. Chocolate ones. 😋 Sweets have become more important to me these last few weeks. I think it’s because I am not necessarily full after meals now, so I have room for dessert, which sounds good. I can’t get over the amount of Skittles I’ve enjoyed when pre-pregnancy me didn’t even really like Skittles that much. I find myself gripping onto my current lifestyle more than I anticipated. I am surprised by that. There are many unknowns about what the next few months and the year will bring. So I have been very much enjoying the present. I am concerned about my postpartum thoughts toward my physical self. I hope I have grace for myself. But while typing that out, I can’t help but think, “I hope my belly shrinks fast” after I give birth too. However, I know I am so much more than my physical body; these thoughts are probably self-centered.

The macrame mobile I made. It’s not perfect, but it was fun!

Week 30: Wow, I am thirty weeks! That seems so crazy. I feel like I was just in the first trimester. It’s gone by so fast so far. I can’t believe I only have ten-ish weeks left. That’s truly unbelievable that my life will change forever soon. This week is my baby shower. My big belly feels like a good accessory to the floral dress I plan on wearing. I have been thinking a lot about how good it will be not to have a big belly anymore, but I can also see myself missing it. I feel awkward going out in public sometimes because everyone who sees me thinks the same thing, “Oh, she’s pregnant.” I feel more vulnerable knowing I stick out (literally and figuratively 😉). But watching my body grow and seeing him move inside me has been fun. I’m “large and in charge,” as Derek says. Heartburn has made its appearance this week. That’s been a little strange for me, having never experienced it before. I do think my rings fit my fingers more tightly. I have felt hotter some nights as well. Other than that, there have not been any new symptoms this week. I have the same old pain in my left ribcage and occasional night leg cramps, but I am still sleeping well throughout the night. My sciatica pain doesn’t seem as bad as it was still. I am also enjoying my pregnancy pillow a ton. It’s been amazing. I have a routine doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I believe this is the last one before the appointments become bi-weekly. Derek and I are still working on names. I am ready to celebrate Baby Boy this weekend with family and friends.

Week 31: My baby shower was last week and was so much fun. I won’t speak for Baby Marsch, but I felt loved and supported and even more excited for him to come. I also felt large, but a few people told me my bump didn’t look big yet. I think I look big in pictures, though. I can’t wait for him to be here, for him to wear his cute outfits and snuggle in his new blankets. I also had fun showing Derek everything gifted to us and the baby and then organizing it in the nursery. It is starting to feel more real that this little person will soon be here for us to love and care for. I wonder who he will be and what he will look like. I hope that the very beginning of his life doesn’t treat him too badly and that he can adjust to the world outside of the womb without too much trouble. Right now, he’s easy to protect and feed in there, but I know it will be more challenging when he’s outside. 😅 While I was at the baby shower, Derek went garage sale-ing for baby things. He got many tips from other moms about baby products, swaddling, etc. Having a partner who will go to the garage sales and learn about the different baby products is nice. Physically, I have felt pretty good this week. I’ve been sleeping well and haven’t had too many symptoms. The most prevalent one is probably acid reflux, which comes after I eat.

Pictures from the baby shower ❤️

Week 32: October is here, and I love this fall weather. I can’t wait for little baby to experience the beginning of fall next year with us. As if this wasn’t a hectic enough time already full of new transitions, we’re moving!! This wasn’t a fully planned decision as far as the timing. Derek and I have been talking about moving for a while and saving for a home. We figured we would probably move next year when the market is a little better and Little Baby wasn’t a newborn. But things have changed. Derek casually mentioned that he liked the look of this home and that there was an open house on Sunday. We decided to take a look because why not? And then, on Monday, we ended up putting an offer in, and the sellers accepted it on Tuesday! So, I am currently 8 months pregnant. It will be November 1st when we close, and my due date is November 27th. Whooo, that will be crazy!! So now my mind is all over the place trying to process this and begin this next jam-packed chapter of our lives. Packing up, moving, unpacking, having a baby, adjusting to a new family member and keeping baby alive, and Christmas! Wow! I know it will be crazy and busy, and I don’t know how all of this will be with being super pregnant and then giving birth and having a newborn around the same time. But right now, I’m optimistic and excited. I am so happy to bring our baby boy to this beautiful new home that is ours (assuming inspections and everything goes well). It’s so much to process, and it still hasn’t sunk in completely yet, but I am very excited. Now to begin packing up the nursery that I’ve spent so much time setting up. 😅 Physically, I am still feeling pretty good. I hope that in 30 days, I will be able to say the same thing. Emotionally, I feel very excited and happy.

Week 33: Baby is the size of a pineapple. He has been feeling very heavy lately. I still feel good overall. My back pain is still much better than before 29ish weeks. My left ribcage and the top of my belly are feeling it, but I will take it for being in the 3rd trimester. Derek and I went to our first birthing class of 3 on Monday. The classes are located at the hospital where I will eventually give birth. It was so weird going there on Monday, knowing that one of the days we go will be to bring him into the world. Knowing this would be the first place he’d ever be was a very weird thought. I was nervous about the class, but it went well, and I learned some good new things. At times, it was a little overwhelming, but then, at other times, the instructor made it seem so routine and that all of these events would be very casual. I am getting more and more excited for Baby to be here. Derek and I spent Sunday morning in bed for a long time trying to narrow down name options. There is still not a ton of luck there. I am considering going with Derek’s top choice so that we have this settled. We will see what happens.

Week 34: Is this the week I start to get very uncomfortable? So far, it seems that way. I know it will probably get worse from here on out, but I’ve been feeling good up until these last few days. The back pain is back, but it’s higher up now and is more of an ache than the shooting pains I had. It’s more consistent, too. Before, I could find relief when lying down, but in the last few days, I’ve had to switch positions to find relief that usually doesn’t come or last long. The pain in my left ribcage is still as prominent as ever. I don’t know if that’s because Baby is breech. I have an ultrasound next week to confirm his position. Pelvic pain is also the newest and probably most painful symptom. I’ve had pelvic pain when flipping over in bed or getting up after sitting for a while, but it’s much more painful now and is more consistent. Rolling over at night is awful. I know it will worsen, so I should try to enjoy the times I don’t feel highly uncomfortable. Some days are better than others, so I am glad for those good days. Derek and I have begun packing our house. Thankfully, I felt good during that. We have so much to look forward to!

Week 35: So much can change so quickly. I had another lesson on that this week. Week 35.1: I had an ultrasound to check on the baby and see his position. The ultrasound tech said he was head down and that things were looking good. That’s probably why I’ve been feeling more pelvic pain lately. His heart rate was normal. There appeared to be a healthy amount of amniotic fluid. He didn’t want to show his face, so I only got to see the back of his head. The tech told me he weighed 4 lbs 13 oz. I left the doctor on cloud 9. I called my mom and friend and told them everything was going well. I posted an Instagram post with his ultrasound picture and recorded multiple videos of how active he was in my belly that day. Everything seemed typical until the next day came. 35.2. I was at work when my doctor called. I answered the phone, and she told me that Baby was measuring small and said I had IUGR or Intrauterine Growth Restriction. She explained that I would have to go to 2 non-stress tests weekly and have a biophysical profile (ultrasound) done once a week to make sure he is moving around and his heart rate stays in a reasonable range. I have my first non-stress test (NST) tomorrow. After the phone call, I began questioning what could be wrong and researching more about IUGR. To be diagnosed with IUGR, the baby has to be measuring within the 10th percentile of weight. This shocked me. I am trying to understand what could be causing the low growth. He had been measuring so well when I got my fundal height measured. I have gained an appropriate amount of weight. I look and feel huge, lol. I keep wondering if there is a major problem with him. Is there a problem with me? I am short, 5' 2", but that doesn’t seem like a reason for him to measure that small. Will he be permanently stunted in growth and development? So many thoughts rushed through my head. I went from thinking, “How will I adjust to having a newborn who will require so much care?” to, “What could the quality of his life look like now?” Before, breastfeeding seemed like the scariest thing to face postpartum, but now I wonder if he will be big enough to breastfeed. So many thoughts. Too many thoughts. These are all thoughts that I do not know the answer to yet. Everything went from typical and perfect to not great very quickly. I know things may turn out OK, and he could just be on the smaller side, but I can’t help but worry. I am still trying to process all of this, as you can probably tell as you read this. On top of it all, my aunt passed away last week, so I am going to her funeral this weekend. I haven’t told my family anything is off because I am not ready and don’t want them to worry and fuss about it.

Week 36: A lot has changed in this past week once again. My mindset has changed, first of all. I am much calmer and OK mentally compared to last week. I also have more answers and a timeline of what’s to come. After going to multiple nonstress tests, biophysical profile ultrasounds, and a doctor’s appointment yesterday, I’ve learned quite a bit. I didn’t think I would learn much at my doctor’s appointment yesterday, but I was pleasantly surprised. Baby is doing well overall. He is active, has enough fluid, and has a good heart rate. He is super low now, which I can feel. One of the nurses told me at my nonstress test that I was having contractions, though I hadn’t felt them. At my doctor’s appointment yesterday, I learned that my cervix is getting softer, and I am .5 centimeters dilated. The cervical check was so painful, which I did not expect, and it has left me bleeding and sore for the last couple of days. She also swabbed me for Group B strep yesterday as well. I learned that my placenta is not fully functioning now, which is why Baby is measuring smaller. My doctor said this isn’t unusual — she mentioned the placenta having calcium deposits. She said it’s just like any organ and can give out towards the end of its lifetime. According to their measurements, he is approximately 5 lbs now, which my doctor explained can be off about 20% in either direction. Because he is not growing as they’d like, and my placenta is not entirely doing its job, I am getting induced on the 14th! He will most likely arrive on the 15th of this month! Which is crazy!! That’s 10 days from now. I cannot fully process this yet, but I am very excited. On Monday the 14th at 4 pm, we will get to the hospital, and they will give me cervidil to soften my cervix. And then, the next day, on the 15th, they will start Pitocin and break my water, and we will wait for him to arrive. Next week is my last week of work before maternity leave! It was weird telling my boss that this morning. We closed on our house on Tuesday the 1st (it’s currently Friday the 4th), so we’ve been moving things over to the new home and will hopefully be primarily moved in this weekend. So I’ve also had that going on. Moving and thinking about the new house has been a nice distraction from the worries I originally had about Baby. I am excited to get settled in before he comes (even if it’s only for a week) and make things as ready as possible for his arrival. Mentally, I feel surprisingly good. I don’t know if I am disassociating too much, but I am taking everything as it comes, one thing at a time, and I remain optimistic about everything. I still can’t believe he’ll be here in less than 2 weeks, and I’ll be a mom. That’s so so crazy. I can’t wait to see him and cuddle him. Even though I’ve been going to the hospital regularly for nonstress tests and classes (we had a breastfeeding class on Monday), I think the thing that freaks me out the most currently is being in the hospital and all the medical things that go with that. I am not worried about birth necessarily. As long as he is healthy, I don’t care how he comes. But never experiencing being in the hospital before and not knowing what to expect physically is daunting. I am worried about how I will feel physically postpartum and breastfeeding. And I am worried about the lack of sleep that is soon to come. I am trying not to think about that too much because I know it will be a rough time that I have to get through. Saying goodbye to my full nights of sleep without worrying about a baby or small child is sad. But that is the update for this week. Not too many more of these weekly entries before he comes. I had to pack my journal to move, so I am glad I have space to write. If only I could pause to finish the postpartum books I have meant to read.

The first 2 pictures are taken a few days apart at 36 weeks. The last picture is from my most recent nonstress test.

Week 37: We have been busy moving from our townhome to our new house. The moving has gone well, but I am getting overwhelmed with all of the unpacking that needs to be done. We’ve completed a good amount, but Little Baby will be here so soon. 1 week from now, he may be here at this time! That is so crazy to me; I can’t wrap my mind around it. Baby is feeling soooo low in my pelvis, and my feet, ankles, and legs have been swelling each day. We’ve wrapped up all the classes we’re taking at the hospital. Yesterday, we took an infant/child CPR class. While I feel good overall mentally, I am starting to have moments where I feel overwhelmed. I wish I had more time to get the house the way I want and settle in before he comes. I am stressed and feel very overwhelmed when I think of extended family coming over and visiting us after he is born for some reason. Thanksgiving is the week after he’s born, and of course, somehow, everyone is coming to our new home.

Week 38: This is my last entry in this series. Today is day 1 of week 38, and tomorrow at 4 pm, I am going in to get induced. Some physical symptoms I’ve been feeling before I get into everything else: Some cramping randomly. It feels like I am about to start my period. I have felt some contractions, but nothing too crazy or painful. I wonder how long it would have taken for him to come on his own. He feels very low some days and not as bad on other days. The insane pressure I feel when rolling over or getting out of bed seemed to decrease for a couple of days, but it’s back again. That’s the most painful thing. Other than that, I feel great physically. My rib pain is better because he’s lower now. I haven’t had any back pain, oddly. I am surprised at how good I feel. My feet, ankles, and legs are a little swollen at the end of the night, but not as bad as last week with the moving. The house is mostly put together. It looks awkward in some spaces with our old furniture and not knowing where some things should go, but it is mostly together. It snowed yesterday. It never snows this early where we live. The snow made me want to put my Christmas decorations up, but I will have to wait until I feel better after Baby arrives. Derek and I talked about names again today. I don’t feel as confident about our first name, and I am unsure entirely about what the middle name will be. But hopefully, we can get it figured out when we see him. Emotionally, I feel a mixture of a lot of things. I’m eager for him to be here. I’m a little nervous about labor and delivery. I’m mostly anxious about recovery postpartum and how I will mentally feel postpartum. Last Thursday, I had my final appointment with my doctor, and she gave me a rundown on how Monday and Tuesday would go. They will give me the Cervidil on Monday. I didn’t realize that that could be very uncomfortable, so I was most nervous about that. The cervidil helps soften your cervix and can put some into labor. I didn’t realize it would be painful. Other than that, I will take things as they come and go from there. Derek is putting together the baby swing right now. And he installed the car seat today. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible and Little Baby is healthy. We plan to eat at Cracker Barrell before heading to the hospital tomorrow. I can’t wait to meet and see him and what he looks like. It’s been a good 9 months of having him inside me. I can’t believe the time has come for him to arrive to the outside. I can’t believe I am going to meet my son soon. I hope he can accomplish all he wants and live his life to the fullest extent in a way that brings him fulfillment and happiness. I already love him without knowing who he is. I love you, Baby. I can’t wait to officially meet you this week. You’re already an amazing person. Thanks for taking this 9-month journey with me. Love, Mom.

His Thanksgiving outfit, a 37-week pregnant belly, and soon-to-be dad setting up the baby swing