Country #28 — Tonga

It’s like Samoa but even more remote.

Introduction

“Tonga?! What on earth are you doing there??” replied my old dissertation supervisor when I was giving him an update of the past 6 months after I graduated, and casually slipped in at the end that I was in Tonga, as if I were saying I was in Blackpool (which by the way, I have never been to).

Of all the countries I have been to as of August 2025, this probably is the most remote and least visited country. I recently ran a poll online on a traveller’s forum where participants simply needed to tick off all the countries they had been to. I had 166 responses. They had visited on average 26 countries. The top 10 were dominated by what you’d expect: France, Spain, Germany, Italy, UK, USA, and the likes. With Tonga, a SINGLE participant other than me had been here. This put it on par with the likes of Burkina Faso and DRC. Hell, more participants had been to North Korea.

There’s nothing wrong with Tonga. It’s not wartorn or super dangerous or anything. It’s just that this country is so unknown, so remote, and if you’re European, so distant. Our cruise ship was one of only thirty that would be visiting this year. It’s amazing they even have a cruise dock (of sorts).

Into Tonga

Early in the morning on day 42 of the world trip, we arrived in my second country of Oceania to another warm musical welcome, similar to Samoa. On this day, we did have a ship tour booked, but MC decided to sit it out. Once again, the 30°C + humidity tropical climate took over, and I was yet again slathered with sunscreen and DEET on every square millimetre of exposed skin. We were berthed in the country’s capital, Nuku’alofa, where over a third of Tonga’s population resides.

Entry into Tonga.

In a lot of ways, Tonga felt like Samoa’s little brother. Being a stone’s throw (over 360 miles of Pacific) away, they are fairly similar. But in a lot of ways quite different as well. It became apparent pretty quickly that Tonga was the poorer of the two countries. In Samoa, we explored the country in an air-conditioned taxi. Here, our vessel was a rustic bus with missing windows and as much aircon as England. That is, no aircon. (Funnily enough it’s 30°C here in England today as I type and I’m melting).

Our tour bus.

This was a fairly brief morning-only tour, unlike the full-day tour of Samoa. But to be honest, it seemed in that time I might have already seen all the main attractions. That is because Tonga is not really a tourist destination.

As we drove into the country, I learned that the country had recently been wrecked by a tsunami. This is probably why I felt notable poverty here, because this was in fact a country that was trying to rebuild following a devastating natural disaster. A harrowing reminder that mother nature is always in control.

Driving through Tonga

Eventually, we reached a “resort”. And by that, I mean, it was essentially a large tent with some stands and a stage where they would put on a show for us and serve us juice from the local fruit. Even this resort had needed to move location due to the tsunami. My guess is that it had seen brighter days.

I imagine this was part of the resort before the tsunami

Back at the resort, they served fresh fruit topped with coconut. The presentation was pretty good, I must say. And this assortment of melons certainly were succulent.

Fresh fruit in Tonga

Having seen a very similar cultural dance show just two days earlier, I wanted to explore around the area more. Standing by the side were some Tongan locals. I thought a conversation with them would be much more interesting, so I went up to talk with them. They confirmed what the driver had said, about the tsunami, and how so few tourists come. I really felt all throughout that here in Tonga they were very happy to see us. Unlike other places (coughBARCELONA) which hate cruise ships, these people are absolutely ecstatic to see us come here from the opposite end of the Earth.

A remote place like here really is so different, remote, and untouched by the rest of the world — is how it feels, until they whip out their iPhones of course. Tonga may be in the middle of the world’s biggest ocean, but don’t think for a minute they don’t have cars, internet, power, Apple devices…

At one point, at the end of one of the dances, the performers explained this was a dance their ancestors used to “ward off the evils of Christianity”. I then asked the Tongan guy I was talking to what percent of Tonga is Christian now. “100%”, he said. We both laughed. But I wanted to know what they believed before Christianity came. He explained that they used to have a lot of different Gods. Most things had a God, and they used to pray to the ground, the skies, the farms, etc. Hearing about this was super interesting! This is what we come to faraway places for.

As we were about to depart the resort, a rather emotional American elderly man came up to the local I had been talking to. He pulled out his iPhone and started filming while holding this guy, delivering an emotional speech about how “I remember hearing about your country when I was 6 years old. I always vowed some day I would come to Tonga. I am now 80 years old. Today is that day!”

Cruises. Eternally making dreams come true.

The Blowholes That Didn’t Really Blow

And so we took off through the country, seeing those rundown buildings pass by every now and again. The roads remained surprisingly good, however. Eventually, we came to the coast where we would supposedly see “blowholes”. Like the ones we’d seen in Hawaii ten days ago.

It sure is pretty here

While I was climbing on the rocks trying to get a good shot, I was accosted by some grumpy German twat for spoiling his photo. I don’t know why he singled me out when loads of other people were near where I was, and they were almost certainly in his shot too. But everyone rushed to my defense and told him to get stuffed. No trip to Tonga is complete without a little bit of drama.

Don’t get excited, it’s just the waves!

While the blowhole zone certainly was very pretty, there was just one minor issue… there were no blowholes. Not one blowhole actually blew. I waited for ages, and moved up and down the coast trying to see just one geyser blow, but none did. And then I got caught up in buying fridge magnets from local vendors.

Reader… I once again became that guy. I’m so sorry. As I boarded that airconless and windowless turquoise bus, roasting in the sun for 10 minutes after its departure time, I did the ultimate walk of shame as literally everyone was pissed off with me. It turns out I had lost track of time while waiting for that stupid blowhole and arguing with a grumpy git who had a hair or two in his cornflakes this morning.

The Fox Tree

People on the bus were starting to grow a bit unsatisfied with the tour at this point. A resort tent, blowholes that wouldn’t blow… where to next? A tree with flying foxes. When the guide announced this was our next stop, I heard the Australian lady in front mutter, “They call THAT a tourist attraction?!” She then explained to me that flying foxes are vermin in Australia. Well, it was interesting for me, because I’d never seen one before!

Flying foxes are actually a type of bat, also known as fruit bats

Remember how I said I’d never seen one before? Well, now I had seen them… making more flying foxes. No trip to Tonga is complete without a bit of live animal porn. Oh, but this was just a warm-up for what was to come in Vietnam.

After that, we came back to the ship, and I had a late lunch. And then, me and MC headed out together to explore a bit of Nuku’alofa itself, which we really hadn’t seen much of yet.

Nuku’alofa itself is quite pretty

Truth be told there wasn’t a whole lot to see, and the winds had picked up to pretty much gale-force. MC’s Panama hat did not want to stay on her head, but she needed it to not get fried to a crisp by UV radiation. Eventually, we made it to this market. We didn’t go quite as crazy as we did in Samoa, but still bought quite a lot of goods.

And then we headed back to the ship for the final time. It was gearing up to sail, and the Tongan dancers from the morning returned to put on another show for us.

While watching this, we looked at each other and had a moment of like… “we are just sitting here… drinking pepsi… watching dancers… in TONGA! What the hell are we doing here!? How did this become our lives??” No good trip to Tonga is complete without a minor existential crisis.

This dancing literally continued until Tonga had disappeared into the haze and we could only faintly hear them anymore. One thing was clear from this display, and all throughout the day: the Tongans loved to see us. We really felt incredibly welcome here. They loved to share with us their history and culture. And to me, that is a country visit well spent. If I get only one day in a country, that’s what I’d always like to do.

The Verdict

Tonga is a very remote country way out in the Pacific, recently devastated by a tsunami. It is not a tourist country, although it would like to become one. It definitely felt very basic and rustic, even compared to Samoa. It is true we didn’t see major tourist attractions, much to the dismay of that Australian in front of me, but that’s because in Tonga there aren’t any. Don’t come here expecting to see big tourist attractions. If you’re expecting monuments and awesome buildings and famous artworks and stuff, you’re in the wrong country. Coming to Tonga is experiencing the rawness of an isolated, tiny island nation in the middle of the Pacific (minus the iPhones). It’s rustic, it’s basic, and it’s wonderful.

The people here are so lovely and friendly. My only negative experience was at the hands of a fellow European. Come to Tonga if you really want to go somewhere out of the way, raw, and untouched by Western world goliath companies that don’t have a fruit in their name.

Personally, I don’t see myself coming back to Tonga any time soon, but that’s not because I didn’t enjoy myself here. It’s because it is so far away and remote, and I feel I experienced the country. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if I had a second day here other than go swimming in the sea or something. I’m glad I have come away with fond memories, a deeper understanding of this part of the world, and bragging rights that I went to such an obscure and inaccessible country.

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