Stargazers

Photo by Ryo Ito on Unsplash

when you gazed up at those early morning night skies you never quite told me what you saw and i was just happy to sit and have a smoke while tears began to well up in your eyes

and i never quite peered or even peeked at the stars that glowed in your eyes past the storm that they hid is it too late now to ask — exactly, what it was you saw in those blue midnights

was it freedom?

that when you wiped those tears laughing then taking another puff of your cigarette when i finally asked what it was — you kiss me then tell say that it was nothing. just another fleeting thought another shooting star

i didn’t want to pry but the curiosity was there then when your eyes dull overwhelmed by the tempest of your soul i would look away — why did i ever look away when all you needed was to be held as the storm calmed and say

it’s going to be okay

this is not a plea i am not asking for another shot at clarity together i am simply swimming in the memories forged in fog and thunder where the lightning says more about us than the weather right outside your window

part of me just wants to know about when you said you wanted stargazers at the wedding did you mean flowers or your eyes wandering forever for meaning in the constellations that we could not manage in city lights

tell me, was it grace?