The No-Hitter

Zero dollars for the shift

Photo by Jose Francisco Morales on Unsplash

Usually, when I wax metaphorical on the subject of dashing, I’ll go with the fishing comparison — as dashing can be just like fishing. You think you know when and where to do both, but you just never know when the phone will ping constantly or the fish are feeding.

So after a reasonably good breakfast run ($31 from 8:04 to 9:55), I set out at lunchtime around 11 AM to fatten my wallet. And I went trolling in every spot I knew to catch a flapper. Zippo! At 11:35, I found myself near a truck serving soup to the homeless. It had no line of men, so I scored a cup of veggie soup. What the hell, right?

Just as I finished my first swallow, the phone finally pinged. A half-mile run from a joint called Murray's Bagels, a spot I’d never been to before. So I finished the soup and then eased over against traffic, parked the bike, and strolled into an incredibly busy and disorganized bagel shop.

Usually, places like this have a counter for dashers. We don’t stand in line with regular patrons. And with a little luck, our package is ready and we’re out while regular people wait. (God only knows why! For a fucking bagel?!?!)

When I tried to cut to the counter and ask where the dashers pick up, a Puerto Rican worker had something really nasty to say to me. Clearly, he didn’t recognize me as a dasher and thought I was trying to cut the line. Thirty seconds later, I knew to dump the job.

Regardless of how long I’d gone without a dash, I wasn’t about to hang around a densely populated bagel shop waiting to get a package on a $5 delivery, and I unassigned the dash to return to my bike and continue on my cursed way.

And that was it. At 12:30 — and still without a dash — I hit the local senior center for lunch. I figured as soon as I sat down, that would be when the phone pinged. Nope! Finally, at 12:55, it did! $3.25 to go over a mile. I have my dignity.

I declined the dash and shut down the app. And so — the fates pitched a no-hitter. Almost two hours — during lunchtime on a weekday — and I earned zero dollars. I’ve actually made just about $10 per hour this week while having the app on 24 hours. Oh well! Good thing I don’t really need the money.

On another subject — a funny thing happened with this Top Dasher v. no Top Dasher deal. I’ve been getting all the shifts I want (and wasn’t getting before when I wasn’t a Top Dasher) now that I’ve lost that lofty status. And I don’t have to worry about dumping or taking jobs to keep my Top Dasher ranking — yet still reap the same benefits. So why be a Top Dasher? What a load of crap that Top Dasher bull shit is. As if.

On yet another subject — social security informed me that owing to my earnings last year, my monthly check has gone up $15 — and I received $135 retroactively — as I should have been receiving the increased stipend since January of this year.

What they left out is that I’m paying an extra $1000 this year for Medicare insurance as a result of my working last year and tripping into a certain IRMAA income level. And guess what! Owing to my earnings for 2021, I’ll be paying an extra $2400 in 2023!

Measure that next to my extra $15 per month and here’s the message: Sit on your ass and stop working, schmuck! Your pimp is getting too much of what you make. Get off the stroll. You’re all dried up anyway, bitch. Get over yourself.

Of course, a string of zero-dollar dashes does help to alleviate the situation. Aahh! There’s a silver lining in every storm cloud.