Once upon a time… without psychologists

There’s this popular saying, “People grew up fine without psychologists!” I won’t argue. But once upon a time, people lived without penicillin or disinfectant and died like flies, so why would we throw progress away? Let’s ditch all science, wrap ourselves in leaves, grab sticks and go collect berries and roots. Very eco-friendly.

I realized why the psychologists I know love digging into childhood so much. I used to think, why bother, life is now, the person is already grown. But the metaphor came naturally: the mind is like a house. A child is a blank page, the foundation and the posts are the mind itself. It forms under the influence of the environment, parents, especially the mother. If everything is straight, the house is solid. If the posts are crooked, the foundation sinks under water and cracks appear. The same happens with the mind: a lack of real love, safety, and support creates cracks: habits, fears, beliefs about oneself.

We cover them up with work, entertainment, addictions, relationships. The house may stand, but life suffers, cracks keep appearing. It’s not about bad luck, fate, or superstition, it’s about repeating the same patterns, choosing similar partners, failing at work, getting sick, facing misfortunes. Most of these repeats happen because the mind’s foundation was laid crookedly, and we just didn’t see it because all the houses around us looked normal. Once we move to another “village” and see straight houses, we realize living that way is easier. Then it becomes clear that what once seemed normal — violence, oppression, discrimination — was never normal, and that helps explain why the same problems keep repeating in life.

And then I realized that digging into childhood isn’t about blaming anyone or feeling sorry for yourself. It’s a map showing where the crooked supports were. Fix the foundation, and you live a whole life instead of just patching old cracks. Psychologists go into the past to show what went wrong, so living now can be easier.

Ever notice the same pattern over and over?