My 40s Feel Like One Long Maintenance Appointment

The house is falling apart, my joints are questionable, and somehow, I’m responsible for both.

Photo by Alexey Demidov on Unsplash

My birthday is this month, and I’m going to be firmly in my 40s by turning 41. No longer just toe-dipping into the 40s. No, somebody shoved me into the deep end. I am now officially, firmly in my 40s.

Your 40s are not as easy as your 20s. At 20, life was more about fun, friends, traveling, and enjoying yourself. Honestly, it stayed that way until my mid-30s. I got lucky.

Then I decided, why would I want any of that anymore? I definitely want kids. So, in my mid-30s, I popped out two kids, and my body sounded the alarm. Mayday! Mayday! WTF were you thinking?

Now my body will not recover. Pregnancy is a whole new ballgame for the body. I had my kids back-to-back on purpose. They are 15 months apart. I decided if I’m doing this kid thing, then I’m jumping all in. I’m sure my body thinks that was a bold choice.

It’s a whole new world now that I’m in my 40s. Not that I’m saying, “Oh, it’s all downhill from here.” No. I’m saying this decade doesn’t come with a manual. I can’t just wing it anymore like I did in my 20s and 30s.

In my 40s, I’m fortunate enough to be a first-time homeowner. It’s great, but it gets harder with each passing year. The price of everything has gone up, especially with kids, while wages have mostly stayed the same.

The house we purchased is over 25 years old. There are certain maintenance things no one really tells you about. You’re just supposed to magically know because you’re older and you own a home now. For example, draining the water heater twice a year so sediment doesn’t build up. How are you supposed to know this? It’s like leaving the hospital with a whole baby in your mid-30s. They just let you take that thing home with no instructions. Just a quick farewell.

Since my home is older, it decided to become a drama queen with what I like to think of as my basement snafu. The water heater broke and leaked. The carpets got soaked, and the water heater had to be replaced. And yes, we thought we were prepared for this kind of event. We bought a home warranty. Those things are a joke, okay? They cover as little as legally possible and sometimes even less. But am I going to hire a lawyer to fight them over a dishwasher? No. And they know this, so they just deny everything. I digress.

But that’s what I’m learning about adulthood. At some point, your conversations become 80% maintenance. I now talk more about the humidity level in my basement, how the kids don’t eat what I make, and how my joints are performing that day. Every morning I wake up and think, Hmm… yeah, my hip worked great yesterday, but now it’s not working today. Better use the other side. Good thing I have two.

Being an older mom is basically scanning your body, seeing what’s functional for the day, and leaning heavily on that so you can get stuff done. It was my idea to have kids later in life, and now I’m paying for it.

Are they a joy and a blessing? Heck yes. Do I love them to pieces? Heck yes. Is it also super hard because I’m old as dirt? Also yes.

Nobody warns you about the hidden challenges of being an adult in your 40s with young kids. I guess I can still try to wing it, but mostly I’m looking for guidance. Winging it in your 40s isn’t a good look.

So, if you find a manual for aging gracefully, let me know. I’d be the first to buy it.

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