28: Everything is a big deal

Sharon, 2025.

If at the beginning of time, I could choose my gender, I’d still choose to be a woman.

On January 25th, I turned 28.

I got so excited, I could no longer tell the time. I caught myself almost a week later remembering that I never posted my annual birthday article. But here I am more than 30 days after on the 28th of another month (when it should have been the 25th at best).

I can no longer postpone this.

Self

The word “self” is a complex and multifaceted concept that spans various disciplines. It directly translates to mean “one’s own person” and refers to the individuality or essence of a person, distinguishing them from others.

You see, this single four letter word has birth many arguments because people always seem to forget that when “self” is used, it’s automatically subject of one’s own experience, including perceptions, emotions, and thoughts. It is, or would I add, considered to be, the core of identity. So, why are you arguing with me?

Identity

When people get older, get more involved in the pleasures and pains of life, at least from my observation, they lose themselves. Or maybe they don’t and instead find themselves, or a new version of themselves. It’s truly absurd to think that someone would be the same from childhood into adulthood, right? Very. Not when they’re still experiencing Nigeria as of March 2025.

Reflection and Reflexivity

Reflection is the act of thinking about something, while reflexivity is the act of taking action on the basis of what you’ve learned through reflection.

I think I just wrote those words with some notes to remind myself that that’s what being 28 looks like.

At 28, everything really begins to start with you — yourself, your identity, your reflections and your reflexivity. If there’s no substance, no care, no consideration of the person or form of “you” then there’s no meaning, neither is there reason to continue.

28

At 28, you learn a big lesson. For me, it’s how important the internal and external organs of the female reproductive system are. Periods, pregnancies and the microbial ecosystem of the vagina. I’ve reflected on this and I know for sure that I hate how gate kept conversations around the vagina were growing up. I hate how even using the proper medical and anatomical term “vagina” was considered inappropriate and made people feel uncomfortable. I hate how all this female body talk was seen as an adult-only topic. In fact, I hate how the entire conversation as a topic of educational and informative discuss was so covert.

I often think about how I navigate life as a monthly-egg-disintegrating-uterine-lining-shedding-woman. I think about this and convince myself I’m a strong woman. Especially knowing that this has been my life for more than a decade. I think about 12 year old girls and I want to cry. How does one do this 12 months in a year, every year…forever? Or for the next what, 50 years until menopause which as you may know, comes with its own drama.

You’re just a little girl and next thing you know, you’re cramping and bleeding from a part you didn’t injure yourself like you’ve been made to believe as a cause for bleeding typically. Like how come periods seem like a surprise gift for adolescence? A gift to assemble like a shelf that doesn’t actually come with a manual. How do some periods come with pain so bad that doubt begins to creep in? What do you mean low iron? Pads or tampons? How does one feel discomfort so bad that they begin to think what they’re going through is normal?

Personally, on many days, I just want to cry over this. It feels like I can count how many times I’ve felt 100%. Sometimes, the cycles are my worst experience because they feel like I’m fighting so hard emotionally and spiritually to not lose my joy. And I get so tired. Does my skincare even have a shot? I think the most common question I ask myself, which I really actually shouldn’t ask is, what did I do? And why is this happening to me? I don’t want to say it’s tied to a lack of faith. Shaken, maybe. In fact, I think I have that mustard seed faith which is why I can talk about this. I even have Healing Rain on repeat. 20 years later and I can’t think of many other songs to comfort me.

I always cared about this but since I grew up considering it natural law, I only took mental notes and braced myself each month. Now, I’ve made up my mind to fight (read: be intentional). You might as well call me a female reproductive health advocate. Send your pre-teens and teens my way if you’re not sure how to approach this topic.

Imagine living life as a woman and someone calls me dramatic in my existence. Like shut up. The menstrual cycle is dramatic. Pregnancy is dramatic. Childbirth is dramatic. Try doing either then come back and talk to me about drama.

At 28, money matters become bolder. You’re getting older. Should you think of your now or the future? How do you balance both when you’re not looking to suffer yourself now for a better tomorrow? You find yourself being grateful for little wins because you don’t want to press spoil. You find yourself compromising gifts because it’s the heart and intention that counts. You push back the other beauties and desires of life like marriage, travel and co because you simply can’t afford them yet — or at least, to the standard and comfort you’d prefer. You plan and plan and plan. You catch fun along the way. At least your free will is at an all time high.

At 28, you discover a new you. I’ve considered how my love for colour has expanded. Three years ago, I gravitated towards the colour brown. As we went through that year into this one, red gradually became my thing. Why am I suddenly into the colour red? Why am I obsessed with garlic bread? Why has kiwi become a fruit of choice? I wonder how much more my tastes will evolve. Am I more motivated or demotivated by the things that surround me? Why am I so over many things easily? Why am I saying I’ll reply later and forgetting to do just that? Do I just need to experience another environment? Another people? I wonder if its just the sheer fact that I’m older.

At 28, you fall in love with yourself all over again. I love how much of myself I’ve been able to experience and continue to. I’m grateful to God for the gift that is this pleasant life I live. I learned to choose myself a very long time ago. I learned to nurture myself. I learned to be considerate of myself. I learned to love myself to the point that I was perceived as selfish. So tell me everything is not about me. What if it is? In loving myself, I’ve learned to love others and I learn to do so every day. In loving others, I regulate my emotions better. So, yeah, maybe become “self-ish” so you don’t play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

Matthew 22:39 [39] And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

At 28, everything is a big deal. Even those things they said they were just kidding about. And the ones they said you should pay no mind to. The parties they didn’t invite you for. The texts and calls they didn’t return. The transparency they didn’t offer. Literally, everything is a big deal. Check on it. Reflect and reflex. That’s what phasing out your 20’s should look like.

Today, I’m grateful to be in love and to have someone that I can call mine. To have friends that have my back. To have a family that stands by me. To have acquaintances and strangers who think I’m funny on the internet. Everyday is a good day and one that the Lord has made. Despite the things that turn me off, I’ll rejoice and be glad in it.

Happy birthday to me (again!).

Listen to "With An S Pod"