The Chemistry of Forbidden Love

Healthier Ways to Feel That High

Photo by Kristina Litvjak on Unsplash

When people are in love, they feel light and ecstatic and are less affected by stress. Suddenly, even the ordinary feels special to them. They no longer chase happiness; they are happy.

The state of being in love can be quite addictive, and this addiction can make many go astray. Many who have already loved and married, or are in committed relationships, sometimes step outside their vows. They believe they are chasing another person, but most probably what they are chasing is the feeling of being in love.

What is actually happening in that state is that there is secrecy, novelty, validation, and a feeling of being seen. And when it is forbidden with secrecy involved, it becomes all the more wanted by the brain. Unpredictable rewards are associated with increased dopamine activity. Add adrenaline to that, and the heart beats faster, thoughts sharpen, everything feels heightened. Oxytocin is linked to bonding and attachment, and serotonin levels can shift during romantic attraction. All this leads to a sense of heightened euphoria.

When something is forbidden, humans perceive it as more thrilling and exclusive and hence are motivated to engage in the prohibited behavior.

But one should know that the chemistry of new love is not reserved for romance. There are other doorways too that can take us to that elevated state.

Have we ever been so immersed in writing that we were hardly aware of how minutes turned to hours? Have we ever been so absorbed in an idea that we forgot to eat? There is a kind of romance in that too, the romance of creation. The mind in flow releases dopamine and endorphins. The world narrows into focus. We are consumed without being diminished, and after our idea is brought to life, we may be drained but not without feeling euphoric.

Or consider when we are about to experience novelty — a new city, a new language, a dance class where we feel awkward and alive at the same time. The brain does not always distinguish between a new lover and a new experience. It simply responds to newness, to uncertainty, and to new possibility.

Even the body knows how to create its own euphoria. A long run at sunrise, an intense workout, or a cold refreshing shower can increase endorphins and adrenaline. Our mind clears, and we feel powerful, present, and awake.

Sometimes what feels like romantic longing is simply the longing to feel alive.

And then there is the intoxication of being deeply understood and being seen. A conversation that stretches late into the night, a friend who listens without judgment, or a space where we do not have to perform and can just be ourselves fills the void we feel within. Humans crave deep, meaningful connection, not always romance. The nervous system relaxes when it feels safe, and that warmth, too, can resemble love.

Some are pushed toward forbidden euphoria because their souls feel tired. They are tired of carrying responsibilities gracefully and silently. Maybe they feel numb and unseen and sense that they are missing something in life.

We all like to feel chosen and cherished, and maybe we are trying to soothe a quiet dissatisfaction we do not even have a name for.

We can break the monotony and reclaim our lives through creation, through courage, through movement, and through meaningful connection. Sometimes, all we need to do is rediscover the person already beside us, who has been with us all this while.

We do not have to dismantle our lives to feel awakened again. We need not break any rule; we can continue to live righteously and with integrity simply by making a conscious choice.

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