We Can’t Be Friends

I’ve become something new.

Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash

we can’t be friends when you burn the house down build my funeral pyre add fuel hold the match that satisfied smirk lights up your face like lighting on the beach

we’re not friends as you say i lied declare innocence bulldozed loads of blame onto your faux momentary golden child

all the things you say tell me more about who i am your stories are your blanket for trying to cover vast mountains of shame

we are not friends because the scales were tipped so heavily i slid right off your burden buried me

you used abused took all you could get and gave enough toward maintaining your source of supply

her train has left the station and she’s not coming back

if you are feeling loss or feign so for your audience it is cordoned narrowly around yourself

we can’t be friends because i reached the precipice and didn’t jump

there were fault lines you may call them mine beneath the surface at the intersection it caused a great divide the earth fractured beneath my world rumbled crumbled shook and reeled my landscapes drastically altered transformation severity of evolution

we are not friends i found through devastation my value a practice of solitude of loving myself

being alone is not lonely it is going through my progressions the stages of metamorphosis

we will never be friends i know who i am what i was is no longer my identity who i am in the moment is the beginning of a new journey

i’ve found new light and energy love rooted in divinity

i went away silently i didn’t want to cause pain i cared too much but not for myself though i didn’t know how i had yet to learn the road was long full of agony pain and grief

would i have chosen such a path never could i ever unless within another realm

if i’d have known how terrifying it was unending depths grueling unrelenting pain darkness dying a death

was i willing to survive to live another day was there any other way to linger until i inched forward more slowly than a worm's pace

i won’t be friends i’ve journeyed much too far beyond i couldn’t go back no rewinding no rehearsing tales of old no catching up if you weren’t there were you not able to move beyond apathy were you not inclined to see or care too difficult to check in though drive bys also disqualify cliques and groups that didn’t include me excuses a tactic of manipulation it’s all okay but way too late

i won’t whisper in your ear though your inquiries merely for gossip’s sake my circumstance roadkill though too tempting not to eat

there are no problems that i care to resolve no more tug of war no more bleeding need for love starving for affection time or attention

no more wrong turns nor determining to traverse such arduous terrain there are new worlds to create

i let go all of it how free does it feel how exhilarating the levity to not try not hold on to a rope that causes blisters and burns no internal pleading gutting myself

it’s over it’s done i finally get to ask what pleases me what do i want

strange am i the first one to ask

i know what i deserve i know what i need solitude is opportunity to fathom depths of magnificent beauty to fortify and grow into my wings