[embed]Lassie finally realizes that Timmy will never learn.

Lassie Calls It Quits

And Says Timmy Can Clean Up His Own Damn Mess

Timmy takes time out to pose with his faithful companion just moments before falling down another well. TV Insider.

The famous Hollywood canine hero who was known for saving a young boy from certain death more times than she can count says she’s getting out of the people-saving business, citing “rescue fatigue” as the cause.

“No matter how many times I save you people, you find new ways to put yourself at risk, which forces me to put my life at risk to pull your fat of the fire,” the famous star of television and movies said, with a bitter edge in her voice. “I’m not doing it any more because you never learn.”

At least, that is what the beloved star of movies and television is believed to have said, but since she doesn’t speak English, no one is sure. All people who attended the press conference know for sure is that she was highly agitated.

“She barked angrily while pacing back and forth in front of the lectern for a good 20 minutes. I’ve never seen her so worked up,” owner Rudd Weatherwax III said. “She hasn’t been this upset since the first time Timmy fell down a well.”

Weatherwax said he was able to translate Lassie’s doggerel using a variety of means including charades, interpretive dance, guessing at the dog’s meaning (“What’s that, girl? You believe the election was fixed?”) and having her spell out words on a Ouija board. He described it as a “spirited”

“The long and the short hair of it is that she’s done with the heroics,” he added.

Lassie appeared in a variety of movies from 1943’s “Lassie Come Home” to 1951s “The Painted Hills” before finding a regular audience on the television show “Lassie.” Each weekly episode revolved around the misadventures of Lassie and her owner, an accident prone young boy named Timmy with a penchant for stumbling into highly dangerous accidents. Lassie would then be called upon to seek help from adults with endless reservoirs of patience for a klutzy kid and a unique ability to interpret barking.

This photo was taken just moments before Lassie threatened to hit Timmy upside the head if he falls down another well this week. Wikiwand.

“What’s that you say, girl? Timmy is being held hostage at the old asylum by a man named Hannibal Lecter?” “What’s that, girl? Timmy is in a car with hoodlums and a box of cannoli?”

Once she led them back to the scene, Lassie would inevitably end up saving Timmy without any help, causing viewers to wonder why she had deserted him in the first place and whether or not she was just showing off.

Lassie didn’t stop with the heroics after the show was cancelled, however. She continued to follow Timmy around in an increasingly futile effort to keep him out of trouble and was a producer on many shows with animal actors (including “Scooby Doo,” “Canine Cop” and the ill-fated sequel “Turner and Hooch II,” in which Tom Hanks suffered from food poisoning while eating kibble as part of what was supposed to be a comedic scene).

She also gained a reputation for being a behind the scenes advisor to a number of politicians including Richard Nixon (“What’s that you say girl? It’s time to resign?”) and Bill Clinton (“What’s that you say, girl? Don’t inhale?”) to Hillary Clinton (“What’s that you say, girl? Don’t call them Deplorables?”) and Barack Obama (“What’s that you say, girl? The economy’s fallen down the shitter and it’s up to me to save it? Why can’t Timmy do it?”).

At one point, she contemplated signing on with the cast of “South Park” but didn’t want to play the companion of a kid named Kenny.

She also continued to follow Timmy who still managed to find himself in difficult situations, but less frequently and generally less lethal.

She drew the line when Timmy went to the polls in November and refused to back the pro-dog Harris Walz ticket and, instead, opted for the man who accused migrants of eating her friends. Lassie responded by growling at Timmy, peeing on his leg, running out into traffic and catching a ride in the first electric car she could find.

“Now I understand how the Democrats feel,” she said. “I keep rushing in to save people who are begging to be rescued then return to doing the same thing that got them in trouble in the first place. Even this old dog can learn new tricks. I hope one day they can too.”