Never Get Started

Photo by Natalie Comrie on Unsplash

We — Never got started. Everything was fine at first. But little by little… everything changed. Was it my heart that was too fickle, or were the signals just too strong? So, we did exist. But why didn’t we get started? Instead, it just ended all of a sudden. I still don’t even understand why, because it all began so beautifully that I couldn’t believe I’d be blessed with something this lovely.

One day — We started to fall apart; we had no idea where we were heading, and all we could do was — “ just carry on”. I’d imagined moments like this might happen, but why didn’t anyone tell me it would be this painful? I wept over it all alone — swallowing it all whole. I don’t know if it’s the world that simply hasn’t shown us the way, or if it’s us who’ve started to give up?

I don’t know what else we were looking for, but in the end we couldn’t find it. In the end, all I found was a door marked ‘Exit’ — a sign that I had to get out immediately and stop. As for him, he was still lost in something else in there. At first I hesitated, but it seemed he couldn’t be saved in there and I wouldn’t be able to bring him back for my own sake. Selfish? Ya, and I admit it. But do people know that this is the way? Thinking that I would feel even more pain if I stayed, I had to be selfish for my own good. Finally, I began to approach the door and resolved, “After this I won’t look back.” As I stood before the door, a small voice inside me whispered, “He’ll come back.” But I didn’t want him to return and destroy me.

Finally, I got out. I did it. And I’m all right. Days have come and gone, but the memory of his presence from back then still haunts me deeply. In fact, even after everything that happened, he still hurts me in his own way. The pain is still there to this day, but I’m no longer sad, and this time I’ve chosen a different path.. to hate him. — Pluvphiele