The Intersection

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

Before now, if you ask me what my taste in music is, I’d say I listen to anything. Like a musical junkie. While there might be some truth to that, it lacks substance. I can listen to almost anything. But as I have come to understand, questions like, “What kind of songs or music do you listen to?” are rarely about endurance. They’re really asking “What kind of music do you enjoy?” To that, I’ll say, I am happiest at the intersection between God and love.

The stats don’t lie. Spotify can back me up here. On the one hand there’s Dwin the Stoic, Kotrell, and Savy Henry. A dash of Damian Nedu, Beekay, Hammerboi, and Tchella. Sprinkles of Tega Ethan and recently, Thenigpen. On the other hand, there’s Sound of Salem, Grace Idowu, Anendlessocean, Lawrence Oyor, Elevation Worship, Hillsong, Fearless Community, and Sunmisola Agbebi. Add in my newest discoveries Gird Music, The Good Wine, and others with very specific singles, like Joshua Adedeji’s Thanksgiving.

Now, like Joey in F.R.I.E.N.D.S would say, Put the hands together!

Photo by Jabber Visuals on Unsplash

Recently, I have found myself at that intersection more often. At the place where God and love meet. Situations have left me pondering my understanding of both concepts. What truly is love? Why do we, as humans, find the need to box things, define things, keep them within lines? What is my understanding of God? Is it accurate? If truly God is a friend, a companion, is He ever proud of me? Are there moments when He sees me and goes, “that’s my girl!”? Am I easy to love? How are we supposed to handle expectations of and from love? Are we not supposed to have expectations? If not, then why are imaginations fed? Can I truly equate all those novels I read and movies I watched as pure fantasy? Why is love such a hassle? Why is understanding God mind-boggling?

My questions have no real direction. I do not even believe they can be answered. But I long, regardless, for answers, for understanding, for respite.

I am at another intersection. The one where detachment and longing meet. Where the God-Love intersection warms my soul, this one scares me. It feels like my soul is split in half and each half is running, trying so hard to silence the other.

There is something at the edge. Something I must not let in. Something that seems to be inching in. And there’s me in the middle, holding on so strongly to that God-Love intersection, lest I slip into whatever waits at the edge.

Here’s another question: How do broken hearts heal? What does it mean for a heart to be healed or healing? I understand that the process might be different for each person, but I expect that the blueprint would at least have some similarities?

I’m not sure what I set out to achieve when I began writing this. There was a sentence in my head:

And if you’re looking for me in the city of tones and melodies,

You will find me at the intersection where God and love meet.

Every time I thought about this sentence, I imagined I would write about my current favorite songs and what I love most about them. But not today, I guess.

Right now, I am at the intersection where detachment and longing cross, watching halves of myself running, waiting to see which one would hit the finish line first.