My Ex Thought I Was Boring; He Was Just A Basic Cheater

The only dull thing about me was how much I dimmed myself for him. Don’t do the same

Image Source

My ex fancied himself Alexander the Great — not weeping for lands left to conquer, but because only one woman would get to experience his greatness.

He thought he was the most amazing partner alive. And having “been there, done that,” he was… bored. He thought I was boring. He thought that he was settling with me.

How did I find out? He texted his ex-girlfriend: “Marriage is so boring.”

This was exactly a year after we made things official. Who better to confess your boredom with your wife than your ex?

We had words. I was furious. He was defensive: “It was just talk,” He said.

I heard him, but human guts rarely lie. In my guts, I knew it was only a matter of time…

And boy, did he cure himself of that boredom — kicked me to the curb and is now happily remarried to his affair partner.

Something happens in your soul when you are cheated on. At least, it happened to mine: you feel totally worthless, at least for a hot minute.

For too long, I blamed myself for being boring. I blamed myself for not being as fun as my ex’s partner. Maybe if I weren’t so boring, he wouldn’t have left me.

Maybe if I told better jokes. Maybe if I wore more revealing clothes. Maybe if I were more sensual. Maybe if I were…not me.

Maybe if I were his affair partner. Maybe she cooked really tasty meals.

My ex always said my meals were not as tasty as the restaurant food he ate outside. My meals didn’t have “variety.” He could mix and match outside — a buffet if he wanted. A whole chicken. Barbecued fish. Meanwhile, I just had one pot per meal.

I blamed myself. I envied the other woman. In my mind, she had it all — fun, charm, answers to everything I didn’t.

For too long, I took on the blame that wasn’t mine to bear. And that blame came with a certain shame.

In some twisted part of me, I even blamed my mother for not raising me more traditionally. My ex said that contributed too — I was too modern.

Blame. And shame. None of which was mine to bear because it took me too long to realize that I was with a man who did not match my energy.

I moved from my country to America and started working here, and people find me hilarious for one. They call me kind, hardworking, helpful, and fun. Words my ex said were nothing like me. I was used to ungrateful. Boring.

I have a purpose in writing you today — don’t start (or continue) changing who you are, so you match what those who relate with you in unhealthy ways have to say about you.

What my ex and, indeed, all abusers thrive on is destabilizing their victims.

I could never get anything right with that one. He knew I craved his validation, so he breadcrumbed it — just enough to keep me reaching. When I felt like I was nailing what I was being graded on, he moved the goalpost again.

Imagine a zombie — that was me. I knew the words he used on me were not me, but if the one person who you believe loves you more than anyone else in the world uses those words to describe you, you get yourself so tangled up in the fog of self-doubt that you become a manifestation of their words.

I wasn’t the boring one — he was. What had he done? What did he know?

This is how you must think of those who use words on you, that you know, do not reflect you. They are projecting whatever is going on within them onto you.

As I continue to heal and move forward with my life, I took this chapter out to confront that shame that came from the place of getting dumped because some man said I was boring.

I have not been to space. Not gone on a cruise. Not gone on a historic excavation. Not earned over a million dollars. Not visited half the countries of the world…etc. Guess what? Neither has my ex. And yet…

Here’s to you and me: May we live so fully, no one dares call us boring again. And if they do? Who cares.

[embed]How Do Women Date Their Friend But Marry A Stranger? Is this feminism or humanism?medium.com

Thank you for reading. Please subscribe to get my stories every time I publish.