Marital Bliss: Leave that part of you at the Altar!.

Marital Bliss: Leave that part of you at the Altar!.

Photo by Taylor Heery on Unsplash

Marriage is the most beautiful human-human relationship institution ordained by God!. It represents and reflects God’s eternal intent and purpose to build a family on earth where ultimately Heaven and Earth will be in perfect union and harmony.

God is the greatest “Family Man”.

To this end, he initiated a union in Eden between the man and the woman. The union of Adam and Eve was meant to establish growth, dominion, care and protection.

In similar context, under the old covenant, God established a relationship with the Israelites. God, at several times, through the prophets, referred to Himself as a Husband to the children of Israel.

All these were shadows pointing to the reality of the new creation.

In the new creation, Christ is the Bridegroom while the Church is the Bride.

These narratives are meant to establish that the institution of marriage is God’s perfect idea, both in human and spiritual contexts.

Though the focus of this discourse is on the human context, we cannot but draw some insights from the spiritual.

Current Situation

As important as this marriage institution is, it is unfortunately one of the least understood and a fast failing one. Records have that spouses separation and divorces are on the increase and at alarming rates in so many countries of the world. Single parenting is fast becoming a societal norm, so unfortunately.

This is definitely not the intent and purpose of the designer of this institution.

It is obvious when the purpose of any system is not understood, its abuse is inevitable and this comes with consequences. The strength of a foundation determines the durability, sustenance and fulfillment of any built system.

The Man and The Woman were made differently.

To the intent and purpose, God, in his infinite wisdom, did not create the man and the woman to be the same. They are differently wired. None is better than the other, they are just different!. If we know this truth, we will know peace!. This understanding produces a good platform for harmonious co-existence at all levels of life, devoid of any unhealthy, competitive and destructive dispositions across genders.

The typical Man, by nature, is more emotionally reserved, prioritises status and hierarchy, values respect, independence and achievements; communicates more directly……………….

On the other hand, the typical Woman, by nature, is more emotionally expressive, with strong relational focus, family oriented, of stronger empathy, highly communication-sensitive,………………….

The metrics that works in each of these two are different from both generic and individual perspectives.

These different natural traits can poses challenges in relationship between the typical man and woman. In some cases, the contrasts can be irreconcilable!. No marriage can be successful where the Man remains that Man and the Woman remain that Woman.

Perhaps you have heard statements like ‘ i will show you that i am a woman”, ‘’you will know that i am a man?’’….. These are not empty statements or threats, each know what they possess and can express if unrestrained.

Imagine a scenario where both possesses excessive ego traits. Both cannot live together except they come to the realisation and accept the need for one or both to tune down this trait for their common good.

At least a part must be laid at the altar!.

A transformation must take place on both personalities involved. Period!.

God did exactly the same for his ‘Bride’s sake and the Bride for God’s sake in order to achieve the goal of redemption and spiritual family building.

That Altar is meant for Laying the Sacrifice. A transformation takes place there!.

Usually we hear statements like “ I took her to the altar”, We made it to the altar on this date”….

But why the altar?

What are Altars for?

Whether historically, scripturally or spiritually, altars are for sacrifices. This truth remain immutable through all generations.

When you have this realisation from the onset, you will understand that a transformation must take place. A part of you must be given up for this union to thrive.

The Man must undergo a transformation. This changes the Man to become Husband.

Similarly the Woman must undergo a transformation. This changes the Woman to become Wife.

So what do we have to give up respectively?.

I am of the opinion that each case is unique , Nevertheless we must draw guidance from the designer who gave a command to both husband and wife using the Christ-Church model as basis. The Command says;

Husband, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her-his Body.

Wife, submit yourself to your husband in the same manner the church reverence Christ-her Head.

The only-wise Designer has given us the direction. The next step for both will be to do an honest soul search;

To the Man, what in me must be offered at the altar, to enable me LOVE my wife unconditionally and become a true Husband?.

Similarly to the Woman, what in me must be offered at the altar, to enable me SUBMIT to my husband unconditionally and become a true Wife?

God understands perfectly the human chemistry and vulnerabilities, and has built the system, including his commands, around them. We need this understanding to enjoy the inherent goodness of this institution.

It is an order of the greater Order!

It is designed for our good and we can enjoy the bliss it offers.

In this institution, LOVE and SUBMISSION makes both ONE. This is the point where the two can becomes ONE Whole. This happens only in marriage !. In all other forms of relationships, be it friends, associates, career and business partners, brothers, sisters and relatives…., boundaries are drawn.

Quite understandably, humans are not perfect. Notwithstanding the truth cannot change for any reason, rather it has to be understood and applied.

Where this consummation is lacking, spouses operate in silos doing their separate things, running separate agendas and “shows”, living together in “divorce modes” and pretending all is well, when actually not.

Marriage is a beautiful thing God has made. Let’s do it right and enjoy It.

We will deal with the LOVE and SUBMISSION components separately at a later time, to unlock the depths and meanings.

May we be guided in truth!!!.

Peace unto your hearts!!!.

Written by; Adams Kolawole