7 Everyday Privileges People Mistake for “Normal”

Advantages look invisible when you’ve always had them

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Privilege does not mean your life was easy. It just means some things weren’t as hard for you.

I used to think privilege meant never having to worry about your finances.

Mansions, trust funds, or cars that cost more than a college education.

Growing up in a middle-class Orange County neighborhood in Southern California, I didn’t know financial hardship. In the 80s, I’d seen enough commercials about children and families starving in Africa. So, when Mom would tell me to clean my plate, I knew I had to finish those lima beans (even though they’re disgusting) because there were kids starving in other parts of the world.

It never occurred to me that I might be a privileged kid. We lived in an average house, and I certainly didn’t get all the latest and greatest toys or gadgets.

By the time I was a teenager, new school clothes once a year felt like a personal attack.

Once I entered college and began studying society, the reality outside of my middle-class bubble smacked me across the face.

Most of us don’t realize how much we actually have until we’re forced to examine our own privilege.

Here are some everyday privileges many of us mistake for normal:

1. There were books in your house.

Books don’t necessarily signify intelligence. Rather, they are a symbol of literacy and access. When I was a small tot, a shelf of books lived in the bedroom I shared with my baby sister. Before we moved to our middle-class home, we lived in a two-bedroom apartment just outside of Los Angeles. My mother and father believed that learning should be present in the home. I was privileged to have a mother who would read to me every night before bed.

It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized not all of my peers grew up with shelves of books in their homes or parents who invested their time in reading. I never imagined the kids in my class wouldn’t have the joy of falling asleep while their mom read Tolkien’s The Hobbit for the umpteenth time.

2. College was expected, not a fantasy.

This one is big. When I was a teen in the 90s, most of my friends were taking honors or college prep courses. For my immediate circle, college was the obvious next step, and for others, it was their ticket out. It would be years before I’d learn that college was a financial gamble for some, and that others would be the first in their families to navigate higher ed.

I cringe when I remember a conversation with a friend from high school who told me she’d accepted a job as a data entry clerk instead of enrolling in college.

I asked her why she would settle for a few dollars over minimum wage. She reminded me that not everyone had the luxury of going to school. She was expected to help her single mother pay the bills.

That moment still embarrasses me because I’d mistaken my options for everyone else’s.

3. You can show affection in public without fear of becoming a target.

This one didn’t occur to me until I was a teen. A friend confided in me that he was gay and begged me not to say anything. When I agreed to keep his secret and asked him if he wanted something from the cafeteria, he looked at me like I’d sprouted a second head.

“Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“I already know, Denny. It’s not like it’s not obvious, and it’s no big deal. Why would I care?”

In the late 90s, I hadn’t encountered any openly gay kids at school. It wasn’t widely accepted in conservative Orange County, California.

A few weeks later, I walked across the school courtyard holding my best friend’s hand. For months afterward, the slurs and insults hurled at me changed my perspective.

Expressing affection without scanning the room beforehand is a privilege that I don’t take for granted.

4. You could walk into a store without being followed.

This is one of those invisible privileges that many people don’t realize, myself included.

I’ve never shopped at a large box store with a shadow of a loss prevention employee behind me. As a mixed-race woman who effectively blends into my surroundings, I’ve never had anyone assume that I’m a criminal or a public safety risk.

I can terrorize Target by placing items in aisles they don’t belong in or rearranging the decorative letters in the home décor aisle to spell dirty words, and no one would notice.

This is one of those privileges people deny because they haven’t had to notice it.

5. You could walk alone without planning for your own safety.

This is one privilege I do not have.

As a woman, I must be aware of my surroundings at all times. It doesn’t matter if it’s broad daylight or late at night. When I was young, I’d bar hop with my friends. It was a rule that the men we’d hang out with would escort us to our cars after a night out.

I’ve learned that listening to your gut and intuition is a must, no matter where you are. If you feel watched or have a bad feeling, it’s always best to leave or find a place that feels safe. Chances are, your body is reacting to danger before you are acutely aware of it.

After a mutual friend was attacked and sexually assaulted in a stairwell (in the middle of the day) at my university, I was afraid to take the stairs to my classes. I’d meet with a group of friends and take the elevators in packs to every class after that incident.

Nobody talks about the toll constant vigilance takes on your nervous system.

6. You weren’t embarrassed by your clothes, house, or neighborhood.

Growing up, I never ever felt ashamed of my clothing, my family home, or my neighborhood. It’s as if I lived in a bubble.

When I was in grade school, there was a kid in my class who would come to school in stained, worn-out clothing. Most of the time, he smelled like he hadn’t been bathed. Everyone in class avoided him — including me.

I hate admitting that.

At ten years old, I didn’t understand poverty or neglect. No one ever made fun of my clothing. I was always clean and never forced to wear shoes that didn’t fit or were falling apart.

My classmate wasn’t so lucky. He showed up to school wearing cleats as his everyday shoes.

7. You were not routinely reduced to a stereotype.

This was another privilege I didn’t have.

I’m the daughter of a Middle-Eastern immigrant. Growing up post-Iran hostage crisis and during the Desert Storm War was tricky for me. My last name was hard to pronounce and was immediately recognizable. It made me a target.

I’ve heard enough stereotype jokes to last me a lifetime.

“Is your dad a terrorist? Does your family own a 7-Eleven? Can you double park a camel?”

If you’ve never been stereotyped or categorized based on gender, sexuality, race, or disability, it means you’ve had the privilege of being treated like an individual rather than a category.

The inspiration for this article came from a privilege walk exercise I use with my students when we discuss social class and stratification.

Many of them never realized that privilege is about more than money.

What they thought were personal failures were actually barriers they couldn’t control.

Privilege is not the absence of hardships like trauma, anxiety, or loss. It just means certain aspects of life were less of a struggle.

The point of examining privilege isn’t guilt. It’s recognition.

If you enjoy my articles, you can find my books here:

[embed]Shaped: The Complete Memoir: Four Volumes of Survival, Silence, Betrayal, and Becoming Shaped: The Complete Memoir: Four Volumes of Survival, Silence, Betrayal, and Becoming - Kindle edition by Parkwood…www.amazon.com

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