My First NFL Game (and why I’m still shaking at 4:45 a.m.)

Ethan. 17. Johannesburg, South Africa

1. I’m literally the first person in my family tree to watch NFL.

Yo. I’m Ethan. 17. I live in Johannesburg. There are exactly zero NFL fans in my bloodline. No uncles, no cousins, no dad who bleeds Bears blue. Just me, my phone, and a Wi-Fi connection that was not ready for what went down last night.

I clicked “play” on Week 17. Bears vs. 49ers. I have never felt so alive and so dead at the same time.

2. The game started at 3:30 a.m. SAST.

Yes. Three-thirty in the morning. While you guys were eating dinner, I was eating a cold Gatsby at 3:30 a.m., tiptoeing through the house so I wouldn’t wake my parents.

The house was silent. Except for me, whisper-yelling at a screen 12 000 miles away, watching Caleb Williams do magic in the California night.

Sleep schedule? Annihilated. Eyes? Bloodshot. Heart? Currently being defibrillated.

3. I thought this was gonna be a chill first game.

Spoiler: It was the most traumatic sports event I’ve ever witnessed.

The Stats That Actually Matter:

• Final score: 49ers 42, Bears 38 (yes, on the last play)
• Caleb Williams: 330 yards, 2 TDs (this kid is HIM)
• Jahdae Walker drop: I’m still staring at the wall.
• Bears still clinched NFC North: So, even though I’m emotionally ruined, apparently we own the division?

The Bears were down 38–31 with 34 seconds left. They drove down. Caleb drops a dime to Jahdae Walker in the end zone. He drops it. Game over. I was literally on my feet screaming, “CAATCH IIIIIIT!” Then silence. Then I heard my dad snoring from the other room while I processed the fact that a 17-year-old in Johannesburg was crying over an NFL game.

4. Why does the clock keep stopping?

I’m still confused. Every time the 49ers threw incomplete, the clock stopped. “Why?” I asked my phone. “Strategy,” my phone replied.

The final play: Caleb throws from the 2-yard line. Walker dives. Ball hits his hands. Ball falls. I die inside.

The clock stopped. The 49ers celebrated. I sat on my floor, eyes empty, wondering if I made a mistake becoming a Bears fan.

5. But wait… we’re division champions?

Here’s the twist that broke my brain: Despite losing, the Bears clinched the NFC North. We’re 11–5. We’re kings of the North. We get a banner.

I don’t even know what that means in NBA terms, but it sounds cool. So, do I cry? Or do I scream “BEARS NORTH”? I did both.

6. Playoff seeding chaos: Johannesburg edition

The Bears dropped to #3 in the NFC. The 49ers kept their playoff hopes alive. We still have a shot at the #2 seed if we beat Detroit next week. I have no idea how any of this works, but my adrenaline says we’re going to the Super Bowl.

7. Questions for the veterans (because I’m lost):

8. Is every game this dramatic, or did I join at the worst/best time?

9. Why does the clock stop? Still confused.

10. What’s a “screen pass” and why does everyone yell it?

11. Should I book therapy now, or wait until after Week 18?

12. Can someone send me a Bears hoodie that ships to Johannesburg?

13. Is there a support group for first-time NFL fans?

14. Drop memes. I need them.

15. Final verdict:

This is brutal. This is beautiful. This is football.

If you’ve been a Bears fan for years, I respect your endurance. If you’re new like me, let’s trauma-bond in the comments.

See you in Week 18. GO BEARS.