Boundaries Require You to be Kind, not Nice

Boundaries Require You to be Kind, not Nice

Lessons from the parable of the Ten virgins

Photo by Joseph Corl on Unsplash

Matthew 25: 1–10,13

“At that time, the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

“At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’

“Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’

‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

“But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

Therefore, keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Preparedness, responsibility, and the courage to hold firm to one’s boundaries-that’s what this parable portrays.

The wise virgins were not nice, but they were kind. They cared enough to explain their “no” and offer alternatives to the foolish ones. The wise virgins were prepared, and they refused to sacrifice their readiness for someone else’s lack of foresight. Their “no” protected their goal of meeting with the bridegroom.

It is naive to move through life assuming everything will unfold according to your hopes or expectations. Maintaining boundaries requires vigilance. It is not something you improvise in moments of pressure; yes, we don’t know it all, but attaining maturity is a must. You cannot remain a child forever.

Each time you embark on a journey or an assignment, you must consider your non-negotiables. Healthy boundaries require intentionality and wisdom.

As Nigerian elders will say, “If you don’t plan your life, life will plan you.”

Just as the wise virgins safeguarded their oil, you must also be discerning with your own resources, your time, your energy, your emotional capacity, and your spiritual focus.

I’m supportive of you saying no when you’re not sure, and this story of the wise virgins lets us know that saying no is not a reactionary defense mechanism. When you’re proactive, you can offer a kind explanation and an alternative to those who seek you out.

Another underlying theme in this parable is the necessity of getting your priorities in order. Anything that distracts you from your walk with Christ must be addressed promptly and firmly.

This is an excerpt from my book, The Biblical Guide for Setting Boundaries. Get your copy here.