The Reluctant Provocateur

The day after publication

I’ve just released my latest book, and it’s my second foray into self-help. The first instalment was a manual I wrote on underground cartooning — a no nonsense approach to what it takes to be a cartoonist in this day and age — and I wrote it under my legal name. The book I’ve just published, however, is written under my pseudonym, and while it took a lot out of me, I’m actually proud of it. Which is saying something for me, who usually hates everything he does.

So, I guess the question is: why self-help? Well, this is not your traditional self-help book. Like Robert Greene’s work (who no one can replicate or even come close to) it’s Machiavellian. It isn’t the type of book that’s soft around the edges. It’s confrontational, speaks to the shadow, and the dark side of human nature. And I believe it’ll help people get out of their own way, if they actually apply the principles espoused.

This latest offering of mine is entitled ‘The Provocateur’s Playbook,’ and for now it’s available as an e-book. I pondered for a while whether I should even mention it at all, because I’m so averse to marketing anything I create. Why that is I’m not certain — perhaps it’s because I suck at it. In the process of creating this book I learned a lot about myself, and I feel like that shows through. But like any book, it takes something out of you. And for some reason I felt anxious instead of relieved once the project came to a close.

I’m definitely going to publish physical copies, but the idea of doing a book launch almost evokes feelings of dread in me. If you’ve read any of my prior pieces, you might know how book launches have gone for me in the past. In a nutshell, not well. So here I am having finished a book I spent every waking hour obsessing over, and although it feels like the end of the journey it’s only the beginning. Now I have to sell it.

So let me explain how ‘The Provocateur’s Playbook’ is different. For the underground cartooning manual I had a captive audience. My social circle includes cartoonists, comic book artists and illustrators. I’ve also interacted with younger people who are aspiring to get into the underground comics scene. But with my new self-help book, I’m kind of pitching it to the world. I’d say I hope it sells well, but from past experience my expectations are low.

I’m also aware that the self-help genre is sort of a thing now, and lots of people are dipping their toe in its waters, hoping what they say resonates. Let me adjust my expectations, then. I didn’t write this book because self-help has become more popular in recent years. But what I do hope is that it touches a few people’s lives. How’s that? Also, the reason I think self-help is having a resurgence is because people feel lost in an increasingly secular time, and they want something to believe in.

This speaks to the human condition. We’re all looking for answers, when a lot of them lie within. The truth is no book is going to transform your life. Now, I just wrote a book that I hope will, but I’m also honest to a fault, and I think applying certain principles is key for growth of any kind. You can read a book. But will you absorb it? Does it challenge your preconceived ideas at all? You might not agree with some of the material you read. But change comes from within.

What most interests me is information I can get nowhere else. And due to my idiosyncrasies, I’m pretty sure I have a unique perspective on things. Some of my aphorisms might be harsh and pithy, but in the end, they needed to be said. I’m not a traditional writer. I didn’t get a degree in writing. I’ve never been to a single seminar or participated in a writer’s circle of any kind. I did however get a diploma in multimedia, though. And despite thinking I’d go that route I changed course.

What makes a writer good can’t be all those technicalities. I think it’s more about what’s inside you and how well you’re able to articulate it on the page. And I never in a million years thought I’d write a self-help book. But here I am. And I remember my days in university. I remember the people I met on the first day. Some of them remain friends to this day. What going in a completely different direction at first taught me is that it was all life experience I needed. I gained a lot. And therefore I write about it.

There’s a fair bit of deliberating over the amoral nature of the book I just wrote in my introduction. I didn’t want my suggestions to be flat, or lack perspective. I tend to err on the side of the pejorative in some sense. And life has taught me some pretty hard lessons. The way I see it, though, is that I’m done with the project and whatever happens from here on out is left up to providence. You can aggressively market something there’s no market for and fail. Instead, I’ll just put it out there and step away.

This might be the wrong approach, but I’m not a marketer. I’m a writer, an author, a self-publisher. I never had a book deal and I don’t have an agent — and no, I didn’t use artificial intelligence to create the cover artwork. I designed it myself. Hey, I guess that’s where having studied multimedia helped. My diploma was finally good for something! Because it felt like a waste of time at one point. There’s also no getting away from the fact that I’m a cartoonist. And I think I have more in me on that front.

So I ask myself — and even spoke briefly with my wife about this earlier — what am I going to throw all my attention into next? Will I pick up the pen and start drawing again? There’s no rule that, just because I’m a writer I can’t be anything else. Additionally, there are those who’ll poke holes in my legitimacy as a writer anyway. They’ll probably tell me about all the blunders I make, and bring to my attention that my technical skill is off in some way. But I don’t really care.

Even my artwork is imperfect. It’s deliberately rendered that way, though. I’ve made peace with my limitations in a creative sense, and made them work for me. But there’s no doubt about it, comics are hard work. Even harder than writing is. You have to draw every single little thing in these little boxes and have the imagery flow in a way that’s pleasing to the eye. That, to me, is a piece of cake. But as simple as writing is on it’s face, it challenges me in a different way.

If you’re looking for me to plug my book with a link at the end of this piece, you’re going to come up empty handed. I’m sure if people want to find my book they will. By Googling my pseudonym and the book title you should find your way there. See how bad I am at this? It’s almost laughable! Here’s the thing though, like I said, I debated with myself if I should even mention my new release. Because everyone has a pitch. Everyone has a tip jar (myself included). But I don’t want it to feel like that.

Instead, I’d prefer to cultivate genuine interest in my work by contextualising the thinking behind how it came to be. I’d rather tell a story, no matter how inconsequential. We are after all human beings, and the transactional nature of the modern world is something that exhausts people. Everyone has a book in them, too, by the way. It’s just a matter of whether or not they sit down and write it. I know I’m self-deprecating. I know I can’t sell my way out of a paper bag.

It needs to feel like a conversation, though. Why should anyone care about my new book? Because I lovingly crafted it with everything I had in me. Because I wanted to leave a dent in the status quo. Because I had to make it, and it turn, it might be something that’ll — if not help — entertain you. I’m not a dancing monkey. But I can put on a decent show. This isn’t a circus, but I’m certainly a ringleader of sorts. I’d also like to know about your latest book. Explain it to me and I’m sold.

In a world where everyone has something to offer, I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring. I’ve cultivated a daily writing habit for almost a year now, but I went silent after juggling this book and trying to blog. The effects of the book were perhaps psychosomatic, but executing the task in the end felt taxing. Again, no one asked for this. I did it of my own accord. But I’ll be damned if I don’t go down without a fight. Life has happened, as it does, recently. But I’m here to tell you it gets better. Don’t ask me how, but things have some way of working themselves out.