An Open Letter To Incels

Dear incels, in this letter I will not challenge your ideas. I will not tell you that you are wrong in your worldview. Do you feel validated? Good. Keep reading.

In fact, I will do you one better. Your fundamental desire is totally valid, and your misery at being deprived of it is justified. Alright, now here is my central message to you. Ready? Here it comes: you don’t want sex. Stop, don’t click away. Keep reading.

You don’t want sex. Or rather, what you really want isn’t sex. Just bear with me and follow my reasoning. If I am wrong, you can rake me over the coals in the comments.

What is an incel? You already know the answer obviously, an incel is an involuntary celibate — someone who cannot have sex despite desiring it. The normie question, when confronted by the plight of the incel, is this: why not just go to a prostitute? Virtually everyone can gain access to prostitutes, and their services are not necessarily prohibitively expensive. Yes, those services may be illegal where you live. But this has not impeded the drug trade. So how can anyone really be involuntarily celibate? It would be so easy to just pay to ascend.

So far as I can tell, incels have two positions on the question of escortmaxxing. Either the notion disgusts them, or else they have sex with prostitutes and continue to consider themselves celibate. The reason for both of these positions is the same: what you want is not the mechanical act of sex. What you want is the affection, acceptance and intimacy that comes with sex — real sex, not paid for ‘fake’ sex. What you really want is love. And this need is valid, you are right to want to be loved.

Maybe you are unconvinced of my theory, so let me do a little convincing. I think you will agree that most incels, if they could, would trade places with Chad. Part of what makes Chad’s existence so enviable is his ability to have virtually endless hook ups with desirable women. Maybe this invalidates my thesis? No, I think not. The reason you want the hook up is not just the physical pleasure of the sex, you could have that from a prostitute, what you want is the knowledge that a woman, a woman who could have any man, wants you.

Follow me in one further thought experiment. Which would you rather have, if you could have it — a free coupon for sex with an escort, or a hug from a girl? Not a paid for hug, but a hug from a girl who wants to hug you because she likes you? Because she wants to hug you.

What you want is love. Sex is the physical fulfilment of romantic love. The interfacing of two bodies, the transmutation of the repulsive in the other to something desirable, is the most extreme acceptance of an other person possible. If it is paid for, it is not authentic. The black pill has it that sex is not the product of personality, of personal virtue, but of looks. This makes no difference to my point. Our bodies, what we look like, is part of who we are. That Chad is desired for his appearance makes no difference to the fact that he is desired, accepted, embraced, loved for his intrinsic being. That other people are accepted, loved, in this way and you are not, this is the source of your suffering. This is why you focus so much on sex. This is why your identity as a celibate is built around sex, or rather its absence. But the fact remains that what you chiefly want is love.

What is love? Love is our most fundamental desire. Love is a will, an impulse, towards union. Alone, we feel ourselves to be incomplete. This is unsatisfactory. We yearn to be completed. This is the most fundamental desire for human beings. The most frustrating thing about it is, we cannot complete ourselves. We cannot buy this completion, nor can we take it by force. Love must be given freely. This is why escortmaxxing and betabuxxing is unsatisfactory.

To be mocked and scorned for having this desire, as you are, is simply not fair. Here is where I give you some advice, some good news. I run the risk of losing you here, but I urge you to read on. If you are as terminally miserable as you say you are, then what do you have to lose from continuing to read?

This life is not all there is. The love of a woman is not all there is. There is a greater love than that which can be found in a woman’s embrace. There is an absolute love that accepts you without conditions. There is no looks requirement, nor even any personality requirement. You can be the ugliest most irredeemable asshole, and still receive an unconditional love that no woman can match.

You are smart, you know I’m talking about religion. But I’m not just talking about Christianity. In His immeasurable love for you, God revealed Himself more than once, in more than one form, so as to be as accessible as possible. There is more than one religion, so that you can choose what suites you the best. Christianity, Islam and Buddhism are the most obvious choices because they were revealed for all mankind, not any particular ethnic group or race. But then if you are a currycel there is a good chance Hinduism is easily accessible for you. Religions like Christianity, Buddhism and Hinduism have venerable traditions of celibacy. Why not consider the possibility that the reason you have been denied sexual love is because you have been reserved for something higher?

Your life is unrelenting misery because you feel deprived of love. There is a good chance you have few if any friends, and you may well have a bad relationship with your parents — so it is not only sexual love that you have been deprived of. You may be thinking about ending yourself, and maybe taking some others with you. If you experience the boundless love that Heaven offers you, if you experience this inestimable kindness, you will not want to harm yourself or others. How could you want to cause harm having received such kindness?

All I want to do with this letter is to tell you that you don’t need to despair. You are desired. You are accepted. There is a love and a kindness that transcends anything you could find in a woman’s touch. Maybe you think I’m full of shit but ask yourself this, what do you have to lose?