begin again

when we walk down the block, to my car and I almost brought him back. But you start to talk about the movie that your family watching.

I never knew that to let go what’s makes you miserable actually leads you to the path you never expected. To think that I was hold on to you so tightly while hurting myself, my self-respect, my boundaries. The pain was still and longing here and there, but I feel lighter as you started to gone from my life.

Back then, I thought breaking up is like a day your life when everything falls apart and crumble. Instead it just a random day, out of nowhere and sudden feeling urge to end something that makes you feels like shit.

Well maybe it is just me and my unlucky chose of man, but while listening to Begin Again-Taylor Swift it just keep flowing the feeling to begin again.

To meet anyone, new conversation, environment, experience, and all. To talk to someone who actually listen and pay attention to all my lame jokes and never ending story — yapping. Someone who actually willing to try everything new together, tiktok trend, spot viral, new culinary, and so on.

But on a wednesday in a cafe, I watch it begin again.

Watch him open up my door, ordering coffee that I once mentioned, brought me to the places that I haven’t visit yet, sharing the experience that I have never live, the things he do that make myself more present.

I never thought that it would be this relaxed, to feel breeze on the road, to feel the warm of the sun in the morning, to feel that heavy chest is no longer there.

For the first time, what past is past

I’m glad that I chose to begin again.