#3 PRISCILLA MAKES COTTAGE PIE

THE CURMUDGEON’S KITCHEN PRESENTS

How to Make Cottage Pie

By: Priscilla Pinsforth

Ya know I am a little gone in the head about writing in this crap paper. I hear folks bitching to the Publisher about how they can’t understand my accent. They can kiss me arse for all I care. The stupids wonder if my recipes are real. They are for sure ya wankers. Try the recipes and you’ll see for yourself. Why else ya reading this column for anyway? If ya don’t like me, or me food, then bugger off with ya, and don’t call the paper again. Got my knickers all in a bunch over this bog roll, so pardon the rant. Or not.

For those of ya still left reading this drivel, follow me to the kitchen. You’re gonna learn a little more about Irish food and cooking. A staple in Ireland is the Cottage Pie. Dolts sometimes call it Shepherd’s Pie, but that is the bollocks version made by the English, and to be shunned by all others.

The Irish Cottage Pie has been around since the late 1700’s, and was a way to use the leftover meat from the day before dinner. Plus, it was a good way to utilize the poppies (potatoes to you) from the fields. The name Cottage Pie comes from the poor Irish farmers who lived in rural cottages. Because the Cottage Pie was easy to make, and used leftovers and cheap plentiful ingredients, it became a popular staple among the Irish.

Me guess is most of ya throw away your leftovers like a Hogan’s Goat, so I will spoon feed ya the recipe starting from scratch. Me recipe is much better than what those old ancient relatives came up with. More seasonings and better technique, and the result is incredible.

Set yer cooker to 190 degrees C (375 degrees F). Pull out that Le Creuset Dutch Oven and put it on the hob on medium heat. Cover the bottom of the pan with a tablespoon of EVOO and add a tablespoon of Irish butter. Stir in one diced onion and 2 lbs of ground lamb, and cook for about 10 minutes or until the lamb is nicely browned. Stir in 1/3 cup of all-purpose flour until it is incorporated with the onion and lamb. Next, mix in salt and black pepper to taste. Add 2 teaspoons of fresh rosemary finely chopped, 1 teaspoon of paprika and a pinch of ground cinnamon. Step back a little and marvel at what yer creating, then add 3 cloves of garlic run through the press. Now, take a deep breath and add a nice big squirt of ketchup. Yes, ketchup! Now cook this mince for another 3 minute, or until the garlic fills your nostrils with delight.

Stir in 2 and ½ cups of water and stir, collecting up all the bits from the bottom of the pan. Lower the heat to medium or a bit less, and simmer until thick. This should take about 5 or 6 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in a 12 ounce thawed package of frozen peas and carrots, until it is fully combined. Set the mixture aside and grab up a 9 x 13 inch baking dish. Spray it with cooking oil, then spread it over the bottom of the dish. Set this aside while we work on the rest of the recipe.

While yer working on the mince, boil 2 ½ pounds of Yukon Gold poppies. Ya can use any kind of poppies ya want, but the waxiness of the Yukon Gold is perfect for this dish. Peel the poppies of course, then cut them in half before boiling. Make sure to salt the water, you’d be boxin’ the fox if ya forgot that step. Once the poppies are boiling, reduce the heat to medium and cook for 15 minutes. Remove the poppies from the pan, drain well and return to the pan. Someday I will teach you Neeps the best way to cut up poppies for mashing, but that is too much learnin’ to impose on ya here. For this purpose, add a tablespoon of Irish butter, a pinch of Cayenne pepper, 1/4 cup of cream cheese, 1/4 lb of Dubliner Cheese shredded (any Irish Cheese will do — they have it at Roth’s) and mash the crap out of the mixture until it is nice and smooth. Salt and pepper to taste.

In a separate small mixing bowl — I know, I know, another dish to wash — get over it! Whisk together the yolk of one egg and 2 tablespoons of milk. Stir this mixture in with the mashed poppies. This creates a binder of sorts.

Now assemble your Cottage Pie. Put the mashed poppie mixture over the top of the lamb mince in the baking dish. Spread it evenly, and make sure ya cover the lamb mince. Brush an egg wash lightly over the top. Bake the Cottage Pie in the cooker for about 25 to 30 minutes or until the top of the dish is golden brown, and the juices bubble up around the edges.

Serve hot with a nice dense bread, root veggie salad and pint of Guinness. Ya won’t be sorry, and if ya are, I don’t care.

Publishers Note: This is the third edition of The Curmudgeon’s Kitchen, written by Priscilla Pinsforth. Born in Kilkenny, Ireland, she has lived all over the world, and survived six husbands. She is a world renowned chef who once slapped down Chef Ramsay, but is now retired. She hates our food and travel writer with a passion. She lives alone with her seven cats, a hampster and a white rat. She abhors social media, especially twitter and facebook. She hates the telephone and will correspond through email — if she ever sets up an address — which will probably never happen.