The Most Valuable Things I Learned From Failing Publicly

What embarrassment taught me was that success could never be

Created by Author

*Free Link!*

It is one thing not to succeed individually. You may work on it in silence, at your own leisure, and make believe that it has not occurred. It is one thing to fail in public. It feels exposed, itfeels permanent. It is like people have seen the version of you that was not prepared.

I can still recall the first occasion when I did not succeed in a way that others could observe. I had prepared. I had convinced myself that I was good. I had envisioned that it would go well. Rather, it was unravelling in front of the other people. The general silence that followed was even more deafening than criticism might have been.

The worst part was not the error made. It was the consciousness that now other people had record of my flaw.

I repeated it incessantly for a while. I wondered what I ought to have done, what I ought not to have said. I visualized how others must have viewed me. I thought the incident had made me what they wanted to see.

Gradually, I came to know something that was uncomfortable and liberating. Most of the personnel walked away at a much faster pace than I did. They were concerned about their own, were insecure, had their own silent follies to reflect upon.

This is what public failure taught me the first thing:

Embarrassment lasts forever in your body, but in everyone else it is a momentary thing.

That shift changed the way I see risk.

The times I did something wrong publicly I also learnt how much attached I was to be perceived as competent. I did enjoy the fact that I was the reliable one, the prepared one, the one who could do things. My failure in front of people made me have to accept the fact that I am not necessarily that person.

It took away the illusion that I could be in charge of how I was going to be viewed all the time.

And weirdly enough that was a relief.

I was shaken, though, when the worst-case scenario occurred and I managed to survive it. I understood that I have not lost my identity because of a single error. This is one bad fumble that does not wipe the value off of me. The world does not end up being destroyed because I missed something.

It also helped me to learn the lesson of humility which private failure never taught me. It taught me that not everything comes easily. At times it is clumsy, noticeable and inconvenient. It is sometimes done in the presence of people whose views you cherish.

I had some days following that failure when I wished that I would withdraw altogether. I did not want to be subjected to any other instances that would leave me feeling in that way. But there was one more thing that I noticed. The less I took a chance, the more my world was reduced.

I had to choose between defending my pride and broadening my life.

Being publicly unsuccessful compelled me to dissociate my lifestyle with who I was. I am not the one who backfired. It is not the idea that failed to work. I am not the thing that others saw.

It is me who was standing there, felt the discomfort and proceeded regardless.

It also taught me compassion. Having found myself in the visible failure endured, I developed less judgment on the failure by other people. I realized that it is so uncomfortable to attempt to fail before an audience. I learned the lessons when boldness is frequently concealed within what appears to be errors.

The failure in the realm of people reduced the tendency of perfection that I was obsessed with and instead gave more attention to the aspect of honesty. It rendered me bolder in subtle manners. I remain anxious prior to risk-taking. My perception of myself is still important. However, I am not as scared of being perceived as a human being.

To be truthful, I would not like to experience such moments again. They were uncomfortable. They bruised my ego. They compelled me to address issues about myself, which I would prefer to deny.

Nevertheless, I would not delete them either.

The thing I learned most about my failure that I did publicly is that this was not my end. It revealed me. And I am more powerful to know that I can live knowing that I am the imperfect one before others.

It is a lesson I never learned about success.

✒️ Written by Khushi Chouhan

Hey, we’re friends now that you read my thoughts, that counts.

So give 50 claps, buy me **a coffee**, and let’s keep surviving chaos together💫