Officer Maple Giles-Smart on duty

It’s Never Just a Walk. Observations from an urban dog in New Zealand.

Perimeter Report 22/3/24 — Filing Officer Maple Giles-Smart. Officer Mum in attendance.

Conditions upon leaving premises: Sunny. Warm. Hint of recent… schnauzer, possibly miniature. Pace — enthusiastic. Spirits — high. Note to self re check in mirror as egressing, ‘Book another groom. Get nails done’.

Check commences, or as is my preference, we begin scoping the battlespace.

Observed by White Floof at #103, shouted at by Beagle in Window at #121. Usual banter with Miss Mix at #137 (a confused lass but has a good heart). Rounded corner into Clyma St. A suspicious looking, brazen feline crossed the road ahead. Did not sit before crossing road. Showed no change in demeanor, despite concerted vocalisations from self. How very dare it? German Shepherd walking owner in distance. Too far away to allow for social interaction or news update. Mum muttered something about “is it time for a hot cross bun yet?”. Leave it Mum! Leave it!!!

Area of Concern: Corner Clyma heading south. Large “ROOOOOOO rooooo rooooooooo!!” exploded from behind fence next to my head. Crapped myself. Lucky Officer Mum had bags. Great foresight on her part.

Perimeter search continued at length without incident until the approach to Maher Street. PERSON! Managed to sit on command (person failed to do so and kept walking). Tried hard to not engage. Gave him a piece of my mind for good measure. Am certain appropriate terror was instilled.

Upon final block check a disturbance rang out from #16 Mary Crescent. Disappointingly, unable to acquire a visual on the perp. However, individual was garbled, molto staccato and increasing crescendo along with an awoooooo that would put a fat soprano to shame. My professional opinion is of Italian origin. Unusual in these parts.

Arrived home. Lucy Cat fast asleep on largest bed in house. Lack of responsibility and motivation, noted. Will speak to HR re hiring more efficient home security.

Mum barely in door before securing two hot cross buns on plate. They didn’t stand a chance. I shall take up a suitable position at her feet. My workday is far from over.

Report ends.