OPTIONS | EXCERPT FROM MY AUTHORED BOOK

Making the Case for ‘And’

I want to watch the French Open and the NBA Finals while eating a cupcake and fruit bowl

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Excerpted from my recently published book, Finding the Sunny Side: Musings for My Grandchildren.

It’s decision-making time. Let’s practice.

• Do I eat a chocolate muffin or blueberries (rich in antioxidants)?
• Do I exercise or write this morning?
• Do I watch the New England Patriots or the World Series?
• Do I prefer a clean house or a loyal dog that trails me around with bramble and leaves in his fur and a toy in his mouth?
• Do I prefer the wisdom of age or the exuberance of youth?

Hopefully, by now, it is clear where I am going. So many of our choices are better when we can reframe the decision as “and.”

I love chocolate baked goods, and I love blueberries, so why choose? I love watching football, and the World Series can be very exciting.

Why not both? And each morning, I try to both exercise and write.

As I write this, a childhood memory pops up that I can’t easily let go. I was 16 and snuck into an NFL football practice as a naive teenager. I was gaga over sports, and I had dreams of being the first NFL wide receiver coach because I played that position when we fielded a team on our block.

I ask the question of whether it was guts or stupidity that landed me on the field talking to Kansas City Chiefs lineman Marvin Upshaw. I think it was both. When I got home, my parents were relieved to see me and angry at what I had done. “And” was definitely the conjunction that described our mood, with a lot of words coming my way. I can see in hindsight that I deserved every one of them.

For me, “and” reduces having to face false or overly narrow choices.

Today, what’s front and center in my life is my hobby of writing. But then there’s the question: Do I like writing opinion pieces or fiction?

In the last few months, I’ve written opinion pieces about the importance of family dinner, the loss of summer as I knew it, and the dark side of the NFL, which has me enjoying the sport far less than I used to.

I’ve also released my third book in a fictional series where a 40-year-old mom needs to rethink and, in some ways, reinvent herself.

And

I’ve explored bits of history, including the first woman to run for president, Victoria Woodhull, and the renowned female college basketball coach, Pat Summitt, who was the first to bring the sport to national prominence, including 1,000 wins.

Clearly, as it relates to my writing, I am “and” all the way. As I see it, there’s no point in having to choose.

It is true that “or” can be important, but we shouldn’t make it our default.

In my business career, there were many times when we needed to make a strategic decision, and the moment called for “or.”

• Do I enter this market or that one?
• Should my messaging to my customers be about ease, or pricing, or product quality?
• Do I hire this candidate or that one?

“Or” is a response that gives us focus and reminds us that we live in a world of finite resources — time, money, and energy. Sometimes, we do have to choose.

Here is where my deeply rooted philosophy in the magic of the word “and” has served me best.

It was 1987. I was working at Hewlett-Packard (HP) and had my first child. I wanted a reduced and somewhat flexible schedule. HP didn’t believe in that choice.

It was “either work for us full-time” or “move on,” said much nicer, of course.

Today, this attitude sounds incredibly antiquated, but it was real and jarring.

My response? Okay. I’ll go work for myself and see what I can cook up.

Their response?

In that case, let’s give it a try as a six-month pilot, with no obligation to continue if it doesn’t work.

Our pilot was still going on, ten years later, when I left, opening the door for so many others who wanted to make the same choice — as both parents and dedicated employees.

Do I like poetry or prose? Prose, but I have an occasional nod of my head to poetry, and because of this, I’ll close my piece with a reference to Walt Whitman, in “Songs of Myself”, where he writes:

“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes).”

We are large, too. We contain multitudes.

We can find the “and” and the “or” in our lives and respect both.

We can like vegetables and fruit.

We can appreciate the wisdom of aging and be nostalgic for what we were.

We can love watching sports and reading a good book.

“And” is where it is for most of life, and it is enriching.

Thanks for reading my excerpt.

I hope you will check out my book, Finding the Sunny Side: Musings of Grandchildren, here.