The First Time I Felt Jealous

— A Writing Challenge

To be frank, I don't remember the very first time I felt jealous. It has always been a part of growing up, and I now know there's nothing wrong with feeling that way.

As a child, I was jealous of boys because I felt they had more freedom and advantages than girls. Whenever I saw adults, I wished I could grow up quickly so I wouldn't have to answer to anyone.

In school and college, I envied people who had jobs because they had the independence to buy things without being questioned. I was jealous of women with features I found beautiful and often wished I had some of those myself. Growing up as a 90's kid and now living in a world surrounded by technology, I was also jealous of the latest gadgets my friends had while I had to wait much longer.

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But there was one childhood longing that stayed with me for years—the chance to participate in my school's cultural events.

My father believed they were an unnecessary expense, and honestly, we didn't have much extra money either. Every year, when registrations opened, I would be one of the few students who never signed up. While my classmates practiced for dance, music, drama, and other competitions, I sat alone in the classroom finishing homework, waiting for the day to end.

Our school also organized evening rehearsals so that students could experience the actual event atmosphere. Those rehearsals sounded magical to me. But for my parents, the challenges were practical. Apart from the additional expenses, the biggest concern was transportation. My mother couldn't drive me then, and my father's work hours were unpredictable. That was enough to end my dream of participating.

I studied in that school for all my school years, yet not even once did I get the opportunity to be part of the cultural events.

I was genuinely jealous of the students who could participate without any hurdles. After every rehearsal, they would return to class full of excitement, sharing funny incidents and unforgettable memories from the previous evening. As a little girl, I always felt like I was missing out on a beautiful part of school life.

As I grew older, that dream slowly faded. By the time I reached college, I lacked the confidence to participate in cultural events. Maybe I had convinced myself that it simply wasn't my cup of tea. I didn't even know what I was truly good at.

When you're a child, learning something new and making mistakes feels natural. But once you're in college, being a beginner feels intimidating because everyone around you seems more talented and experienced.

So I buried that dream quietly.

Looking back now, I completely understand my parents. They weren't trying to stop me from enjoying life—they were simply doing the best they could with the circumstances they had.

Still, life had its own way of giving me a small piece of that dream.

During a college reunion, I finally performed a dance on stage. It wasn't a competition or a grand cultural event, but I enjoyed every second of it. What made it even more special was that my brother was there watching me perform. That memory still holds a very special place in my heart.

Maybe I never became the stage performer I once dreamed of being.

But somewhere along the way, I discovered another strength.

I found my confidence in organizing the events.

Most of my department programs in college were organized my team and me, and every time I stood beside that stage and visualizing everthing is going as per my plan, I felt proud of how far I had come.

Perhaps life doesn't always give us the opportunities we dream about.

Sometimes, it quietly leads us to discover a different talent we never knew we had.

This writing challenge turned out to be more emotional than I expected. It reminded me of a childhood dream I had buried long ago, and writing about it felt like finally letting that little girl tell her story. Thanks to Sriram Yaladandi 🌸Preeti Pathak🌸 Rishita Sharma💗

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