Jesus Has Finally Returned And She’s Black Now

Jesus Has Finally Returned And She’s Black Now

She was born to a trans woman and a gay man

Photo by Clive Thibela on Unsplash

I’d like to take the time, at the beginning of this article, to apologize to every conservative Christian I’ve ever mocked before. It turns out you were right.

I didn’t think this would ever happen, but I’ve been given irrefutable evidence that Christianity is true, so I’m going to have to reconvert.

Christians think atheists are lying when we say that we will accept Christianity if given evidence for its existence. They fall back on the idea that we should just accept by faith or that the Bible is all the evidence that we need.

But I needed something more concrete than that, like actually seeing Jesus in the flesh. Now that she has returned, I can confidently say that the Christian god must be real.

You see, it all started with the UFC fight that Trump held for his birthday. Conservatives have been going insane lately, calling Michelle Obama “a man” and implying that she’s a trans woman who transitioned while saying Barack Obama is gay for being in relationship with her.

(That’s not how being gay works, but I digress.)

This all culminated in Josh Hokit wasting his five minutes of fame calling Michelle Obama a man in front of America.

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EricaR and I were talking about Malia and Sasha Obama and how Michelle gave birth to them. Shouldn’t that be enough evidence for conservatives that she’s a cisgender woman?

But I still keep seeing them demanding to see her genitals. They want her to prove that she was assigned female at birth, which sounds perverted and terrifying. And like a way to hurt all women.

Unless they realized something that the rest of us haven’t yet, that these births were from their god.

The medical technology for trans women to give birth does not yet exist, so that would make their births miraculous.

Jesus was also birthed miraculously by a virgin. He likes to enter earth from heaven that way.

But because of in vitro fertilization, any virgin can give birth now, so it wouldn’t even be impressive if a virgin gave birth to him. We could replicate it with hundreds of other virgins giving birth at fertility treatment centers across the world.

So Jesus had to up his game to reveal himself to us and be born on earth in a new way. And what better way to do that than to be born from a trans woman?

Humans can’t replicate that at this time.

For the truth to be revealed on Pride month, that a trans woman and a supposed gay man had two babies together because God chose them specifically for the job, reveals that God has loved queer people all along and that he’s woke now.

So it’s about time that Christians all buy shirts like this and wear them to church…

And I know you might be thinking, Jesus was only one man, how can he be two women now?

And what I have to say to that is that you must be close minded to the Holy Spirit. Doesn’t the Bible teach about the trinity, that God is three in one? So why can’t Jesus be two in one, in celebration of her second coming?

She was only one person the first time she was here but now she’s two!

And with her return, that means any second, the rapture will be happening now and Trump’s reign of terror on earth has probably been the apocalypse, but should be ending soon.

Now before you ask whether or not I meant any of these words, I want you to think about whether or not republicans actually think Michelle is a man and Barack is gay. Or if they’re trying to be as racist, transphobic, and homophobic as they can possibly be in one go.

If I’m trolling with this post, I’m only trolling as hard as they are. Whatever amount of trolling that might be!

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