The Case For Children

The Case For Children

And why there’s no wrong answer on whether a family should have kids

Photo by Diana Polekhina from Unsplash

“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.” — Matt Walsh

This quote by American comedian Matt Walsh provides a realistic perspective on parenting. Often glamourised and anticipated as the next step after marriage, this traditional expectation has typically been seeded in the minds of potential parents. However, that shouldn't always be the case.

Beyond monetary concerns, as it can cost over USD300,000 to raise a child until the age of 17 (according to Investopedia, but figures vary depending on countries and regions), there is also the emotional cost to consider, with the stress potentially taking a toll on the parents’ mental health. Time is also a factor, as the rising cost of living means both parents are usually working, leaving less time to care for their child.

Despite that, some argue that the joys of parenting far outweigh the costs mentioned. Unlike comparing material goods with varying prices (such as luxury bags or cars) or unique experiences based on the thrill they provide (such as skydiving vs roller coasters), the value from parenthood is truly unparalleled. From feeding your toddler to sending them off to preschool and watching them grow, the whole process offers rewards without equal.

The debate extends beyond that, as there are even philosophical debates regarding having children. In America, pronatalism is promoted, with the idea that citizens should procreate for the benefit of the country, as falling birth rates are detrimental to its future (according to The Guardian). In Australia however, antinatalism is on the rise, with the belief that it is unethical to bring life into a world of suffering, especially since it cannot consent to it (according to ABC News).

Before taking a stance, as both labels teeter on the fringe of extremity, other perspectives should also be considered to provide a clearer view of the overall subject.

A friend of mine mentioned wanting to experience parenthood, as it would be a fulfilling experience to nurture a child. By guiding them as they develop and instilling similar values in them, he felt it would be rewarding to watch them grow into a mini version of him, continuing his legacy into the future. He also added that being a parent would allow him to express storge, or familial love, differently, and looked forward to experiencing that love from the perspective of a parent to their child.

In contrast, another friend felt that she would not be a good mother. By drawing comparisons to her mother, she felt unable to make similar sacrifices or be selfless enough to care for a child as her parents had cared for her. She added that she likely would not be able to manage the full-time responsibilities and lack of freedom associated with parenthood, and being self-aware of her capabilities and lifestyle preferences was a key factor in her decision not to have kids in the future.

Personally, I don’t intend to have kids as well. However, my reason is more superficial: I simply dislike them. From the crying and incessant questions that form their youthful identity, along with having to wake up past midnight to feed them or change their diapers (similar to the aforementioned issues), having kids to me feels like a hassle; an avoidable annoyance with proper planning. While I don’t blame children for their behaviour (since it’s all part of growing up and maturing), my self-awareness of this dislike means the responsible action is to distance myself from them, especially by not being a parent.

These perspectives display that even if a couple felt that factors like money, health, and time were manageable, it doesn't necessarily mean they are ready to be parents. Many other factors also contribute to the equation, such as making time for events like talent shows or parent-teacher conferences, ensuring they’re well-disciplined to avoid becoming delinquents, and ultimately, loving your child despite their flaws (which will be varied and plentiful). Sometimes, the best parenting decision you can make is not becoming one at all.

Despite the pressure from family or even society, you should always prioritise yourself when making such life-changing decisions. You don’t owe an offspring to anyone, and it would be worse if you didn’t want one to begin with but caved in to the pressure.

For some, perhaps being a good aunt or uncle is enough in terms of interactions with children, and even then it might be too much. However, just because you’re a good aunt/uncle does not necessarily mean you’ll be a good parent. Remember, it’s a full-time job with no off days, no resignations, and no sick days, although you still likely have your own parents to turn to if you really do need a break.

In summary, there isn’t a right or wrong answer regarding whether you should have children or not. What matters is making the decision together with your partner without letting other parties cloud or influence your judgment. While others can share their perspectives, they won’t be the ones caring for the child. So from the perspective of a potential parent, ensure you’ve considered the necessary factors before making your choice.