INTENTIONAL SOCIAL SPACES SERIES #2

Coaching Circles: a Prototype for the ‘Third Place’

Where vulnerability is safe and empathy is abundant

Image: Lydia Chlpka

Coaching circle is my favorite method in the Theory U constellation. I regard such small, close-knit and coherent groups as prototypes for the “third place for psychological wellbeing”.

The “third place” is a sociology-inspired concept, referring to a place outside home (first place) and work (second place) that people can gather and build a sense of community. One of Starbucks early guiding principles has been to hold a “third place” where customers can gather and connect. If Starbucks models ideal physical space for such gatherings, what would the social fabric look like? Coaching circle provides one way of constructing the social fabrics.

Because of the deep personal trauma and amazing healing I have gone through, I am always curious about the types of social spaces and the stories such spaces invite. So many spaces only welcome the glamour sides of us; people often get embarrassed when you get vulnerable and ask for emotional support for a dire need.

Coaching circles fill in the gap by providing an intentional social space where vulnerability is safe and empathy is abundant; where genuine human compassion and love can help heal the deepest wounds.

I have hosted and participated in numerous coaching circles. In this blog post, I would like to share my experience with the logistics and inner conditions, and one amazing story I heard.

The Roles

In my experience, there are three main roles for a coaching circle: anchor/host, case giver and peer coaches.

The anchor, or host, takes responsibility to coordinate meeting time, solicit case giver and facilitate the flow of circle. This role usually falls on the person who convenes the circle. Each coaching circle decides on meeting time autonomously until everybody has had a chance to serve as case giver within a given period of time. I also know coaching circles that meet regularly and continue to rotate case givers. In this sense, coaching circles morph organically into steady peer support groups. The roles of case giver and peer coach rotate. Each time the circle convenes, one person brings a case, and the others serve as peer coaches.

When inviting participants, I emphasize the importance of commitment — not as obligation, but as a relational promise to fellow members: to show up, to be present, to listen deeply, and to engage in generative dialogue. At the same time, I hold the spirit of “open space”: whoever is present is the right constellation for that moment. There is no need for fear of missing out, and no apologies required.

To make this balance workable, I recommend a circle of six to seven members. This way, even if a few people are absent, there are still three to four participants — enough to create a meaningful experience. It eases the pressure of mandatory attendance while ensuring that those who do show up genuinely want to be there.

Please also check out the flow for the coaching circle offered by the Presencing Institute, and this video for detailed instructions.

The Inner Conditions

Otto Scharmer quotes Bill O’Brien often: “The success of an intervention depends on the interior condition of the intervener.” Similarly, the quality of coaching circles depend on the interior condition of each circle member. It is a safe space to shed light on the blindspot of leadership — the source dimension from which effective leadership and social action come into being. It is an opportunity to “make the darkness conscious”, which, according to Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, is the path to enlightenment.

Coaching circle is an opportunity to “make the darkness conscious”.

What inner conditions best prepare us to enter a coaching circle? I often summarize it in one phrase: ready to bear witness.

For the case giver, bearing witness means speaking from the heart — giving voice to what feels most alive and real in that moment, without polishing or performing.

For the peer coaches, bearing witness means listening to understand. It is the practice of staying with the case giver’s experience in its wholeness — receiving it as it is, without correction or interpretation. It means accompanying the person on a journey down the U, and holding up a clear, compassionate mirror so they can see their present reality more fully.

This approach stands in contrast to demonstrating strength and giving advice, as in most business settings.

I have shared my reflections from participating in circles when such inner conditions are present in this blog post.

The Stories

The stories are the heart of a coaching circle. If you ever wonder what lies beneath the polish and performance of everyday life, step into one. Here, you have the rare opportunity to witness the unguarded humanity that lives within each of us.

Some participants zoom in on a specific project and the tangled challenges surrounding it. Others zoom out, reflecting on broader life transitions or persistent struggles. Some move fluidly between the two — placing detailed experiences within a larger life context. I have heard stories ranging from the strain of launching a new initiative, to midlife shifts in work and family, to recurring patterns rooted in childhood trauma. Whatever the circumstance, the circle exists to hold it.

One of the most moving moments for me came in the first coaching circle I hosted.

Karen, an accounting professor at my institution, was drawn to the space after the tragic loss of her son Joey the year before. Adopted as a child, Joey had battled depression and anxiety for most of his life. That struggle was intertwined with substance use and multiple attempts at rehabilitation. For a time, he seemed to be rebuilding — working as a carpenter and living independently. Then he relapsed. He died of a heroin overdose on October 26, 2018, at the age of 27.

On December 18, 2019, during our fourth coaching circle session, Karen served as the case giver. She spoke of her son with extraordinary compassion: addition was not his choice; he knew he was struggling and fought as best he could. She shared her desire that his death not be in vain — that others might better understand the devastation addiction brings, both to those who suffer and to those who love them.

Karen has since transformed her grief into a commitment to raising awareness about mental health on college campuses. In the circle, she was able to tell her inner story — to bring forward the grief beneath that commitment, to honor it without filtering, and to simply be a mother who had lost her child. The rawness, the love, the sorrow — all were welcome.

What struck me most was that, at the very same time Karen was sharing her story, her school was hosting its Christmas party — just one floor above us. I found myself reflecting on the different kinds of social spaces we create. Later that day, Karen wrote to thank the circle for the love and understanding she had received.

I quietly wondered how much solace she might have found at the party upstairs.

The Third Culture

In his new book Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, the 19th Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy talked about the third kind of culture beyond the traditional collectivist culture and the modern individualistic culture:

“In this third bowl, the sense of common ground would be just as solid as in traditional culture, but individuals would bond on the basis of personal choice, interests, and ideals, rather than primarily circumstances of birth.”

I see coaching circles as one play field for the third kind of culture. In this bowl of modest size, everyone shares the common ground of individual agency in making a difference in the world, and we leverage diverse perspectives to make the difference.