The Gear I Thought I Wasn’t Born With

Four things that helped when I felt like I’d never be Christian enough.

What does it mean to be a Christian? What does it mean to follow Christ?

Amongst all the noise, I oftentimes find myself feeling as if I’m never doing enough. As if I don’t have the right nor the qualifications to label myself a Christian.

Better. Better. BETTER. BETTTTTTERRR.

I’d stare at the Bible, my knees burning; each page felt like 100 pounds. I wondered if when God created man, he gave Christians a gear I just wasn’t born with.

I’ve noticed this is not an isolated feeling amongst Christians; it’s just that we all would prefer the people around us don’t know it.

If this is something you’ve felt, here are 4 tips that helped me. The path out of the valley is a trying one, but I’m beginning to see more light every day.

Tip #1: Abstain from Social Media

During my college years I struggled with a lot of fear and anxiety regarding my future. One day as I was dealing with one of those moments, I began praying, and this verse flashed through my head: “For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption” (Galatians 6:8 NKJV).

A verse my pastor preached on the day before, which made me contemplate my decisions in life. Before praying I was scrolling through LinkedIn and Instagram. Not for any reason. Just because.

As I saw new relationships, job offers, and Christian advice, the room began to turn black and white. It’s only after the prayer I looked in the mirror and realized the issue. I was sowing in the flesh and reaping corruption.

So I blocked the apps, and guess what happened? Peace. The level of discouragement and anxiety decreased exponentially.

Tip #2: Godly Friendship

It is often said, “Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are.” Your friends and the people who surround you often have the greatest impact on shaping your character.

That’s why the Bible says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20 NKJV)

We often underestimate the humans’ effect on one another. For good just as much as evil. In fact, we see on a multitude of occasions Paul telling the Church to “comfort” and “exhort” each other. To carry one another’s burdens.

My good friend would always check up on me to see how I’m doing mentally and physically. My feet twitched with longing to spend time with the Lord, but I couldn’t take a step forward.

It was his consistency in contacting me and his prayers that finally got me back on my feet. He encouraged and reminded me of the goodness of God.

Tip #3: Devotional Life

The change for me wasn’t immediate. I often found myself in the middle of work sweating bullets or spending the whole night rolling in bed. Flashes of pills would often find my thoughts. It felt like a nightmare just to take a shower.

When I found the courage to pray, I let go of my pride and lay myself bare. Little by little I took steps towards a consistent devotional life, and little by little my mindset began to change.

I started to enjoy the process of knowing God and seeking him. Getting to know him felt like even nighttime was sunny. I no longer documented life with the pen of pessimism; Christ gave me one called hope.

Tip #4: Trust & Grace

Some changes may happen fast, and some won’t, but trust God that as you persistently seek him in the storm, he will give you the strength to overcome.

Remember, “all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NKJV). No matter what we face, we know that we have already been given victory. As we step forward in faith, we know he steps forward with us.

It is important that we understand that we are taking steps toward change. We will inevitably make mistakes. You must learn to show yourself grace.

There were days where I deleted TikTok just to download it back an hour later. Sometimes I’d go days not reading scripture after promising myself I would every morning.

Failure would often come for a warm embrace. At first I always ran to his arm, and then on a night when I attended a men’s group, I learned about Grace.

As Brennan Manning states in All Is Grace: A Ragamuffin Memoir:

“But if I’ve learned anything about the world of grace, it’s that failure is always a chance for a do-over.”

I started to realize God doesn’t want perfection from me but humility and genuine repentance. Acknowledge my wrongs. Acknowledge the improvements. Even if it’s one less minute off Instagram or Netflix than the day before.

As I struggled to lift the pages, these four tips began to lighten the weight. I pray they help you too.

Know this: there was never a gear missing.

If this walked with you, I would write more like it every week.

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