She Didn’t Want Him. She Just Didn’t Want Me to Have Him.

One thing I’ve learned is that not every woman who goes after a man actually wants him.

Sometimes she just wants to prove she can take him.

I learned that lesson in high school.

In the eighth grade, I ended a friendship with a girl we nicknamed “Fartzana."

We just weren’t compatible, so I told her I didn’t want to be friends anymore. Honestly, I never liked her energy — something about her always felt off to me, and it turns out I was right.

Apparently, that bruised her ego.

From then on, she’d glare at me from across the classroom as if I had personally ruined her life. It was almost impressive how committed she was to holding a grudge over something so trivial, the disgusting sneer-face went on for years.

Then I started talking to a boy I genuinely liked when I became a freshman in high school.

Things were going well. We were laughing, spending time together, and one day we were holding hands walking across the quad area.

Photo by Alex Sheldon

Like she had a sixth sense for anything involving me, she suddenly appeared and started flirting with him right in front of me and it was very obvious, “Hi Steven” then she flips her mangled hair.

The timing wasn’t subtle.

Neither was the intention.

A week later, I saw them walking together, holding hands walking in the opposite direction.

They looked awkward together, her hands clenched tightly around his arms, their steps out of sync as they walked.

I remember thinking, Of course.

Looking back now, I don’t think the prize was ever the boy.

The prize was beating me.

Some people confuse competition with chemistry. They don’t actually want the person — they just enjoy taking the attention away from someone else. Once they’ve “won,” the excitement usually disappears because it was never about love.

It was about ego.

At the time, I was hurt and unmotivated for about a week — I hid in my room and listened to “I Can’t Be with You” by The Cranberries on repeat while I sobbed.

Now?

I mostly laugh.

Imagine making someone else the center of your decisions to that extent.

Imagine needing another person’s interest to tell you who you should like.

That’s not confidence.

That’s deeply rooted insecurity and self hatred wearing a cheap disguise.

Junior year hits, and plot twist nobody asked for: she’s suddenly a teenage single mom, forced to drop out of school, now surviving on welfare as a long term lifestyle choice.

Karma really doesn’t miss.

This girl was the ultimate “pick me” girl and the queen of being petty.

She valued getting attention from the opposite sex too much.

In hindsight, that behavior was just pathetic — going out of your way to “steal” someone you don’t even like that much out of spite shows a real lack of confidence and self-worth.

The sad part is, this doesn’t really end when you reach adulthood, therefore, be careful with the people you surround yourself with and don’t allow people that give you a bad vibe an opportunity to meddle. Don’t hang around miserable, insecure people as they will only drag you down with them.

female behavior

competition

storytime

Further reading on “mate poaching” —

[embed]Who Tries to Steal People's Partners, and Why As many as 20 percent of new couples start with poaching.www.psychologytoday.com

[embed]Steal Another Woman's Man? You Are A Mate Poacher Are you a woman who tends to fall in love with men who are already in a committed relationship? Does the man then leave…www.drkarenruskin.com

[embed]Mate Poaching: She's Aggressively Pursuing My Husband - Couples Therapy Inc. Spouse or Mate Poaching as a Dramatic and Risky Behavior Let's talk about a challenging reality in relationships …couplestherapyinc.com