I Stopped Writing Because I Was Alone — and I Am Still Alone

Loneliness did not only take place, but separated me from myself

Photo by Geoffroy Hauwen on Unsplash

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I did not write a single word for an entire year. Not because I lacked stories, but because loneliness crept between me and my creativity, stealing my thoughts, my ideas, and my perspectives before I even realized they were gone.

Heart aches increase with every sorrow and eventually, give the heart a signal to stop.

But is this what life is? Just a signal and everything ends on some random day?

Ideas, thoughts, perspectives — where do they hide when a person needs them more than usual? Why do they play hide and seek even when they know the result of this game will not end well?

Loneliness is a part of life, but what does a life look like when loneliness stays and becomes stubborn about not leaving?

I stopped writing last year because I was alone, all my thoughts played a game with me. They hid in the corner and never came back. They teased me, tested my patience, and you know what?

Hope in me died.

People say you write when you have a story. I had a lot of stories, but why couldn’t I write? Why did I fail to complete my drafts? Why did I mourn over not writing a single word?

Because I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I lost the motivation to write.

People also say that you write best when you are sad, and I somewhat agree with them, but why didn’t they say that once you start writing again, then you could write endlessly? Can’t it be done?

Writing something this long after a year is giving peace to each part of my body. I would not say that I am healed because no one ready could, but I am saying that I want to complete this piece before my sadness awakens again and I get weak.

Thoughts are something that do not let you feel alone, and once they hide somewhere, then there is no power on earth that could give you motivation to write.

The same happened with me. A wall was created between me and my thoughts and today, that wall has been broken a little, but I don’t know for how long.

Thank you for reading :)