Am I the Problem?

Overload. Exhausted. Depressed.

Middle of the night. I should’ve sleep. I’m sleepy enough to close my eyes. But there’s a million reasons that force me to keep awake. Not to find the solution, instead of just looking at myself and mocking, “you’re pathetic”.

“Pathetic”. It’s my current favorite word. Such an aesthetic word, huh? It’s a word that can describe me nowadays. I think about everything, I care about everything, I worry about everything.

There’s a side of myself that see everything is important. And the other side considers it meaningless. I keep fighting with myself everyday.

What should I become? How should I react over things that happened even it’s out of my control?

I actually know the answer. I should be careless and “idgaf”. But in fact, it’s not that easy to make it true.

Year after year, I’m still stuck and *I’m suck of this sht**. Sometimes I just want to be Koala or Capybara because they’re so nonchalant and they just sleep all day no matter what happened.

Slap me. Yell at me. Torture me until I realize that I can breathe fresh air without spinning around in place.

Last statement (or question). Don’t tell me I’ve never had a problem, because actually I’m the problem (?)