Is being kind a privilege or a choice?

Cover photo by Hozartist

This is a question I ask myself daily, and one that I love to ponder on and mull over. Kindness, as defined by Cambridge Dictionary, is “the quality of being generous, helpful, and caring about other people, or an act showing this quality”. At what point in our life can we call ourselves — or others — kind?

Privileges differ between people, and as such some people have an easier time being kind. Let me elaborate:

Say you grew up in a war zone. Food is scarce and water even more so. You do not have the necessities you need to live, and every single day is a struggle to survive. You have a family, and it is your priority to take care of them. In such circumstances, is it possible to be kind? If you were to find food, would you share it with others who need it as much as you or would it be wiser to keep it for yourself and your family? If you had to fight to stay alive, would kindness ever serve you? Are you obligated to be kind in such a situation?

Now compare the previous situation with another. Suppose you have all the necessities of life — food, water, shelter. On the streets, you stumble upon someone not as fortunate as yourself and decide to give them whatever change you have. Or let’s say you’re in a supermarket and find a soft blanket that you would love to own and it’s the only blanket left. You reach out to take it and at the same time some other person reaches for it as well. Do you offer them the blanket? Is it kindness if the blanket was always a want and never a need? Is it kindness if you have enough money to donate? Are there levels to kindness?

A while back, I watched Attack on Titan for the first time and reread The Hunger Games and I wondered to myself, if I were in those fictional worlds would I be the same person I am now? Would I make the same choices? Wouldn’t it be so much harder to be kind and honest when death is lurking at every corner and those less privileged are constantly oppressed? Would I be a kind person if I sacrificed many people — whether they were innocent or not — to save those I love?

That final question reminded me of a popular quote: a hero would sacrifice you to save the world while a villain would sacrifice the world to save you.

Circling back to the first point I mentioned, the answers I have are as follows: the kindness you show depends on your privileges and circumstances. We each face different obstacles and hardships in life, and one human’s show of kindness can be considered as selfish in another person’s eyes.

Kindness changes as the circumstances change.

I’m a firm believer that kindness is a choice, and while some people are inherently kinder than others it is still a virtue that is hard to achieve and maintain. And, once again, certain privileges like having a steady income and living somewhere safe do affect the level of kindness you can show.

Being kind does not mean throwing your life away. Being kind does not mean putting others above yourself and constantly thinking of others’ wants and needs before yours.

Being kind means choosing to act or think in a way that doesn’t hurt those around you — including yourself. To choose to understand rather that fight. To let go of the hatred and fury. To forgive whenever your heart allows. To be gentle with your words and actions. To be firm when you need to be. To be strong and capable. To look at another person and see a human first rather than race, colour or stereotype.

Kindness is ending the cycle of hatred and contempt that controls the world and many of its inhabitants in any way you can.