What If the Thoughts You Trust Most Aren’t Actually Yours?

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Be Wary Of Programmed Beliefs

“If I know better than you know what I am up to, it is only because I spend more time with myself than you do.” ― Daniel C. Dennett.

Like many, I’ve found myself navigating through life, often unaware of how my thoughts influence my behavior. It’s as if I’m sleepwalking, my life spiraling out of control. Have you ever felt this way? It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it taught me a great deal about myself.

Consider this: nearly 90% of our daily activities are on autopilot. Without a second thought, we wake up, shower, brush our teeth, eat breakfast, catch transportation, walk, and drive or ride to work or school. Our subconscious mind is like a well-oiled machine, effortlessly handling these routine tasks. In fact, Dr. Candace Pert, an internationally recognized pharmacologist, suggested that our body is the subconscious mind.

Interestingly, our body handles all this without hesitation or the slightest conscious thought. If I asked you to solve a complex problem or learn a new dance move, your conscious mind, which is fundamental to understanding the task, would be involved before it became an unconscious habit.

It’s crucial to recognize that we often operate on autopilot, unaware of how our unconscious thoughts and behaviors shape our daily actions. This lack of awareness can lead us to unknowingly repeat patterns and behaviors that may not serve us well. The key to breaking free from this cycle is self-reflection and self-awareness.

But do we want to react to situations rather than examine our deeper motives? I realize it’s hard work to question why we react the way we do. However, to achieve greater peace and enjoy loving relationships, we must address the root of our problems.

Reacting to situations means our mind searches its data bank for historical references to make sense of the present moment. To illustrate the point, suppose you argue with your sibling about a minor issue. They overreact and hurl hurtful insults at you, triggering a cascade of retaliation.

The situation is further escalated by spiteful responses exchanged between you, leading one of you to storm out of the room in anger. Family members often have a knack for triggering our pain response, as they are aware that our reactions stem from the unconscious mind’s programmed beliefs and thoughts. Have you experienced something similar in your own life? How did you respond at the time?

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The Legitimacy Of Your Beliefs

“The fact of the matter is that our unconscious is wiser than we are about everything.” ― M. Scott Peck.

When unconscious of our actions, we react rather than interact with what occurs. For example, several years ago, my colleague and I conducted a health seminar at the faculty of a well-known university. We discussed the benefits of drinking high-quality artesian water instead of tap water, which is known for its health benefits.

An audience member took it upon herself to verbally attack us, stating that there was no scientific evidence to support our statements. This person reacted to our comments rather than interacting with us. She could have used the situation to foster dialogue instead of insisting she was right and we were wrong.

This would have created a healthy forum for discussing the topic rather than becoming embroiled in a heated exchange. Following the lecture, we approached her since we were both curious about her firmly held beliefs.

We discovered that she was raised on a farm and had been drinking tap water since it was the only available water source. She saw nothing wrong with drinking tap water and considered herself proof that long-term exposure to it had shown no harmful effects.

Besides appearing unhealthy, we saw no reason to challenge her on the issue, other than to concede that she was neither right nor wrong. Still, we were expressing an opinion based on experience.

This person reacted to something that challenged her beliefs rather than fostering a creative dialogue between us. We had ignited her pain body, as Eckhart Tolle calls it, by challenging her long-held beliefs. In doing so, her initial reaction was to launch an attack rather than to consider whether the view was still relevant.

But do you want to react unconsciously and regret it later, especially when you’ve hurt those you love the most? Regrettably, many people remain stuck on autopilot, never challenging their beliefs and thoughts.

Pause when you find yourself reacting and view it as an opportunity to scrutinize whether your beliefs are beneficial. The duration a thought lingers within you does not signify its validity. This is your chance to take charge of your thoughts and beliefs, not the other way around.

We should use it as an opportunity to examine the belief rather than see it as a personal attack. We might gain incredible insights that contest our long-held beliefs. After all, it is not about being right or wrong — it conveys our obligation to seek happiness and self-empowerment in the long run.

When I conduct seminars nowadays, I advise participants that some of the concepts I present will challenge their long-held beliefs. Rather than attack the principles, especially new ones, reflect on them and notice any resistance. I instruct them to conduct due diligence by testing the ideas before discounting them as inaccurate, wrong, or outdated.

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A Broken Record

“The key is to be conscious, even of your unconscious.” ― Harrish Sairaman.

For personal evolution to unfold, we should be alert, conscious, and open to fresh perspectives that challenge our beliefs. Yes, it’s not easy, as our inner critic often craves to be right. But life isn’t a game of right or wrong. As the American psychologist Gerald Jampolsky once said, “You can be right, or you can be happy.”

Many of our current beliefs were formed during an impressionable period of our lives, i.e., childhood, when we were in a subconscious stage of learning. Furthermore, those beliefs were impressed upon us by loved ones and authority figures, and we took it upon ourselves to assume they were imparting factual wisdom.

In many ways, we are not wholly responsible for our beliefs as children. However, we are accountable for our actions and thoughts as adults. The next time you disagree, consider whether you are acting out a learned childhood pattern or if your words and actions are distinctly yours.

It takes a great deal of awareness and introspection to acknowledge that we have adopted others’ inaccurate thoughts and beliefs while continuing to play them out like broken records. Ask yourself: Do I want to be correct, or do I want to be happy?

Physiologically speaking, every time you oppose something or someone, you activate your fight-or-flight nervous system, which is reactive. I invite you to examine your beliefs by repeatedly questioning them as they arise. Ultimately, your exchanges with others should be interactive rather than reactive.

Let’s discard the outdated notion of winning and losing in our interactions with others. Dr. Stephen R. Covey, in his bestselling book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, highlighted one of the three values of interdependence as striving for win—win in every encounter. Sometimes that means acknowledging that it’s more fulfilling to be happy than to be right.

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