Gone Like Smoke | Chapter 01

Photo by Kounotori on Unsplash

Surrounded by beauty, I had never felt more alone.

I thought I had chosen a better life

until I realized I had also chosen loneliness.

I had been standing by the window for nearly an hour.

Outside, Lake Ontario lay perfectly still，not a ripple in sight，mirroring the emptiness within me. The excitement I had once felt about marrying into a foreign country and moving into a grand house had long since faded.

He was more than twenty years older than I was. And yet, a few years earlier, driven by vanity and perhaps my parents’ quiet resignation, I had followed him to Canada and become the mistress of this luxurious home. Back then, I had even endured the indifference of his two daughters, who were about my age, and still enjoyed everything this life offered.

Liang Zhiwei was not an old man in the way people imagined. His age seemed to show only on his face. In every other way — his sharpness, his energy, his sense of humor — he often outshone men much younger than himself.

With me, he never played the role of an elder. We were equals. As a husband, he was considerate, even attentive. He had once told me that marrying him would never be something I would regret.

But he was a businessman. And for men like him, work always came first.

There were many days when I didn’t see him at all. Our daily phone calls had become routine, but aside from the cleaning staff who came twice a week, the house remained empty,upstairs and downstairs,with only me in its vast silence. I drove out every day, but only wandered aimlessly. Shopping had lost its charm. When material needs were no longer a concern, what remained was a quiet sense of loss… and loneliness.

Our house backed onto Lake Ontario. In front lay a stretch of woodland, and on all sides, we were surrounded by greenery. At first, I had felt as though I were living inside a film scene. But it had gradually become a kind of gilded cage. There wasn’t even a neighbor to talk to.

Our home sat along a narrow strip of land by the lake, facing a forest park across the water. On weekends, when the weather was nice, I could see people on the opposite shore,playing with ducks, strolling in small groups, or quietly fishing. Sometimes they looked across the lake, toward this side. Perhaps with a sense of admiration.

But how could they have known that the person living there would gladly have traded places with them, just to live an ordinary life with family?

Somewhere along the way, I had grown lazier, withdrawing from the world. I no longer felt like socializing.

Every day, when Liang Zhiwei called, he asked the same question: “Were you afraid of being home alone?”

I always answered lightly, “No. I wasn’t a child anymore. Besides, I liked the quiet. I could read.”

There were always two or three novels by my bedside, borrowed from the library,some in Chinese, some in English.

Before hanging up, he always said gently, “Leave the lights on when you sleep. Then you won’t be afraid.”

When he was home, I sometimes teased him, pretending to be serious. “Maybe you weren’t suited for marriage at all.”

He would pull me into his arms and say, “Before you came, when I got home, it was always a housekeeper opening the door, cooking, cleaning… I always felt something was missing. But after you became the lady of the house, it finally felt like a real home. Warm. Alive.”

I would sigh. “Marrying you meant marrying loneliness too.”

He would look at me with guilt. “Then I could find you a position at my company.”

I shook my head immediately. “I didn’t understand your jewelry business. I didn’t want to cause you trouble.”

I patted his cheek lightly. “Don’t worry about me. I knew how to pass the time.”

He smiled. “Then… how about we have a child?”

I cut him off. “Oh, come on. You already had a grandson. Why would you want another child? It would feel strange.”

He grinned mischievously. “Even though I was already a grandfather, I didn’t feel old at all.”

I closed my eyes. Only then could I forget his age and imagine him as a young, handsome man.

In bed, he was young.

I did not complain. This was the life I had chosen.

Before long, I had found a way to relax and to fill the emptiness.

I started chatting online.

And little by little, I became absorbed in it.

I didn’t know it then

that something as simple as a conversation online

could quietly change everything.