SPACED OUT

Whew, Splashdown! So Now What?

I’m glad the Artemis II crew made it safely back to Earth, but I’m a bit concerned about NASA’s next plan

Moon from my balcony in southern France (author’s photo)

In the news this morning: The four astronauts who flew in NASA’s Artemis II mission around the Moon splashed down safely just off the California coast. Good, great, nice to receive good news once in a while.

I’m less enthusiastic about the next stage of the Artemis program, which aims to land humans on the lunar surface and eventually build a permanent base, or colony, on the Moon. Take a moment to think about that. As man continues to screw up this planet, the next goal is to do the same with another one?

And, as if waging endless wars here on earth isn’t enough, how about we start a few on the moon? Obviously, the US is ready and, according to the New York Times, which has an investigative reporter covering China’s space program, China is already chomping at the lunar bit. The Race for the Future of the Moon NYT

“As awe inspiring as it (Artemis II) might be, it’s not a mission to bring humanity together. In fact, it’s part of a high-stakes space race between the U.S. and China.“

NASA, Astronaut Buzz Aldrin on the Moon, Wikimedia Commons, public domain

Look, man has been to the moon, walked on the moon, picked up rocks on the moon and safely returned to Earth from the moon. I say let’s leave it at that.

Let’s preserve its mysterious allure, the silver glow it casts on a dark night, the shadows of its craters and rocks. Whether it’s the slender eyelash of a new moon or the luminous orange orb of a harvest moon, it’s a mesmerising sight in the night sky.

We sing songs about it — Fly Me To The Moon, Blue Moon, By The Light of the Silvery Moon. (I’m further ageing myself, if that’s possible) It’s filtered into our language — moonstruck is the term for that dreamy in-love feeling that leaves you ‘over the moon’ with joy. And, if the romance works out (as it does once in a blue moon) you’ll get married and have a honeymoon. Should all this set you back financially, you’ll have to do a bit of moonlighting to pay for it. Not to worry, a few swigs of moonshine will drown your sorrows.

But not if we look up at the moon to see bombs exploding as China battles for territory already conquered by the US — or vice versa. And wait until Russia joins the fight. Or the current White House resident wants to gold plate it. I shudder at the thought of it all.

From the Royal Museum, Greenwich-https://www.rmg.co.uk/

Even after Neil Armstrong stepped out of Apollo 11 to take ‘one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,’ the moon never lost its mysterious allure. And even the subsequent arrival of twelve more astronauts failed to diminish its charm — although I can’t say I approve of all the flags left up there

Six from the US and, not to be outdone, flags from China, Russia, India and Israel all fluttering from poles — although since there’s no wind on the moon, the flags won’t do much of anything, which begs the question of why they need to be there. Perhaps the man in the moon might know.

I can live with the flags, as long as I can’t see them. And I sort of understand why Apollo 16 astronaut Charlie Duke wanted to leave a family photo; what proud dad wouldn’t?

What I’m less than thrilled about — I guess you could say I’m not over the moon — is the knowledge that this shimmering orb, this celestial body in the night sky, is also the repository for a load of caca; that’s the French word for poop.

Ninety-six bags of astronaut excrement, to be exact.

Since the last manned flight before Artemis II was back in 1972, that’s some pretty old stuff in those bags. I happened to read about the deposits in the French journal Le Monde — one of those things I now wish I didn’t know.

Scientists hope to one day shoot the shit back to Earth to study how decades on the Moon have affected it. In other words, they want the scoop on the poop. I don’t know why the Artmeis crew didn’t bring it back, but I saw on TV a jar of Nutella float around the cabin; gravity does that. So maybe they didn’t want the shit to hit the fan. Sorry, I can’t help myself.

Anyway, since there are no plans afoot for recovery, all 96 bags will remain where they’ve been for half a century, something I try not to dwell on when I look up at the moon.

My apologies if you weren’t already aware of this, but trust me, there will be far worse things up there once the colonisation starts.