Detention with CMC and Lisa Loud: Gug VS Emmitt elections

This is a shitty, well, not that shitty, since I adore everything I make, fanfiction about the Detention cartoon where the CMC (human version) from MLP and Lisa Loud from Redwood universe (where she isn’t the good-natured science kid you all know and love, but a pure fucking evil psycho, as MUC Wiki says) make an appearance as well. The students talk in adult language more as from my personal experience, we often cursed and talked dirty as kids because the internet and movies ruined our brains early in our childhoods.

(The timeline is 1998 in Oak Woods in uhh… Oregon, I think? Okay. The kids who appear in this story are aged differently in the original works. It was nighttime at Benedict Arnold Middle School and possibly one of the last days of school — hell, if not the last. Why they named a school after the famous American traitor is unknown, but perhaps it was someone’s idea of a joke. I wonder if there’ll be a Judas Iscariot, Jaggy Jovino and Leopold Strauss school as well some day. Anyway, the school was giving out the awards for many things. Trophies, really. Not just trophies, but diplomas and crap as well.)

(Principal McQueen is standing on the podium, about to give his sweet speech of the day, well night)

• McQueer: And Benedict Arnold Middle School’s award for perfect attendance goes to… (opens envelope and reads) Shelley Kelly!

The spotlight shined on the ladybug scout who jumped from her chair. Everyone applauded and was happy as all shit.

• Shelley: Oh my goodness! I can’t believe it!
• Shareena: I’m so happy for you, Shelley. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer person. You’re my best friend. (Hugs Shelley)

Shelley returned the hug, then walked over to the stage to get her award. She held the trophy, a bust of the fucking infamous traitor, Ben Arnie, in her hand and then began her speech.

• Shelley: Is this thing on? (Slaps the mic to make sure the thing is indeed on) I’d like to thank the little people who helped me get to school every day! My mom and dad, the school bus driver, the crossing guard, the janitor, the uh, staff! I’d also love to thank all of my fellow students who always believed in me and my teachers, my tutors and the rest of the wonderful Benedict Arnold staff!

(It is revealed Kelly was only daydreaming in the classroom again, in front of Miss Kissllkillya’s blackboard.)

• Miss Kissllkillya: (Taps Shelley on the shoulder) That’s enough, Private Kelly! Enough of your rambling!
• Shelley: Thank you! (Throws kisses to the class as she’s still in her element) Thank you! (Throws more kisses) Thank you all! Thanks, my friends!
• Miss Kissllkillya: Yeah, yeah, that was quite a performance, Private Kelly. Ever thought of taking that show on tour?
• Shelley: Jeepers Creepers, Miss Kissllkillya! You really think so?
• Miss: (Grins) No. HAHA! Just razzing you, private. You ain’t nothing! None of you is! (Laughs more, the class grumbles)
• Scootaloo Johnson: (Imitates Shelley) Look at me, I’m little miss perfect ladybug. I’m so friendly, so cool, nyah, nyah, nyah! (Spits) Fuckin’ suck-up.
• Miss Kiss? It’ll killya: Stop cursing in my classroom, miss Johnson!
• Scootaloo: Man, my own mother doesn’t even talk to me like that!
• Miss K: Because I am not your mother, little brat. NOW! Pay attention, troops. I have an announcement to make! Elections! Elections, folks! For class president will be held tomorrow at 14:00!
• Students: Huh?
• Lisa Loud: That’s 2 PM! Geez!
• Students: Oh.
• Miss K: Thank you, Miss Loud.

(The bell rings and everyone left the room.)

• Miss Kissllkillya: Ah, civilians, always saved by the bell. Goodbye, kids!

(The kids were walking home from school.)

• Shelley: Hey, is anyone thinking about running for class president?
• Gug and Emmitt: I am!
• Gug: You? The only thing you’re running for is your life. You’ll be dead if you run against me, holmes!
• Emmitt: Well, everyone knows that, in the long run, or in your case, the short run, I’d make a better class president. You’d be back in Mehiko in no time! (He runs to the walking group) Hey guys, you’d vote for me over Gug, right?
• Jim Kim: Uh, they’re not going to be around for too long to vote. I heard they’re ditching school to go to the mall.
• Shelley: Shareena and the CMC are ditching school?
• Sweetie Cuneo: Guys, you can’t do this! Your parents will be so upset that you left school!
• Amanda Bloom: Sweets is right, you guys! We can’t afford to get in trouble.
• Shareena: Nice work, Captain Blabbermouth!
• Scootaloo: Yeah, you just made Sweetie Smell ramble about how skipping school is bad!
• Jim Kim: Activating cloaking device. (Pulls shirt over his head) Haha!
• Shareena: Shelley’s gonna go straight to Miss Kissllkillya and tell.
• Shelley: I won’t tell, guys.
• Lemonjella: The only way to keep her from telling..
• Orangejella:… Would be to take her with you.
• Scoots: Yeah, right. As if that’s gonna happen.
• Shelley: You mean if I cut class, we could spend the entire day together?
• Shareena: Well…
• Shelley: But then I have to give up my perfect attendance record!
• Johnson: Ha! I knew it! Teacher’s pet never skips school! She would never!
• Emmitt: You’re one to talk! The only thing you’d ever cut is the cheese.
• Scootaloo: STFU!
• Emmitt: You shut up, Johnson and you can suck on my johnson!
• Shelley: I would, too, cut class.
• Gug: Oh yeah?
• Lisa Loud: Prove it then.
• Shelley: Okay, I’ll ditch school with Shareena and Scootaloo-loo, just to prove to you guys that I can.
• Shareena: We are not taking you with us! You’re an annoying geek!
• Shelley: Well, then I’m sure Miss Kiss and killya will be happy to hear about your unscheduled day-off.
• Shareena: Are you kidding me? You’re serious, aren’t you? Well, since this is the only way to keep you from telling…
• Cuneo: You can’t be serious! We’re skipping this shit?!
• Scootaloo: (Clamps Sweetie’s sweetoothed mouth shut) Shh! SHHH!
• Sweetie: (Pushes Scoot’s hands off of her mouth) There are severe consequences to skipping school, y’know?
• Amanda: Yeah, Scoots. My older sister will belt me or something. Either that or I’ll be off to bed at 5 PM already.
• Scootaloo: (Positions her face directly into Amanda’s ear) But just think of it, silly! (Whispers loudly) All day nothing but fun! Monster movies, comics, western video games, fart challenges, watching GTA: SA walkthroughs and all the sweet apples you can stomach.
• Amanda: (Loudly) IT’S TOTALLY WORTH IT, SWEETIE!
• Cuneo: (Sighs and rubs her ears) Fine. I’ll go with you. After all, I don’t want you two or Shareena to be in grave danger. Besides, we CMC’s are always one for all.
• Scootaloo: Yeah, yeah, you’re giving me a sweet disease.
• Lisa: I believe you mean diabetes.
• Amanda: As if he’s a fuckin’ fat asshole.
• Shelley: We’ll be two fugitive girlfriends or couples on the run. Just like Thelma and Louise or Bonnie and Clyde. I promise you won’t be sorry.
• Shareena: Ugh, we’re already sorry.
• Kelly: Wow… rude.

(At Gug’s house, Gug and the LaBelle twins were making signs for Gug’s election and hopefully there won’t be no erections.)

• Lemonjella: Okay then, as your campaign managers, we propose you advocate a political platform.
• Orangejella: Particularly a Democratic one, since you’re a Mexican by birth and all and the liberals love that. That’ll expand your qualifications to be class president.
• Gug: Great? There’s only one problem.
• Lemonjella: What?
• Gug: I don’t have any.
• Orangella: Now what?
• Gug: Why don’t we do what the real politicians do? Trash them by making stuff up!
• Orangejella: You mean a smear campaign?
• Lemonjella: Oh, I don’t know. Emmitt’s our friend.
• Orangejella: And that’s an evil..
• Lemonjella: …Underhanded…
• Orangejella: …And sneaky way to win the election.
• Both: Forget it!
• Gug: (Angry) If you don’t help me smear him, I’ll invent my own stupid campaign which’ll be much worse, tell everyone it’s your idea, and you’ll be laughed out of school and probably even hung!
• Twins both sigh: We’ll do it.
• Gug: Good! I have the perfect plan…

(Meanwhile at Emmitt’s shed behind his house, Jim and Lisa are trying to suggest ideas to Emmitt. A goddamn coyote walks by, howling, but Emmitt don’t care. This was typical of the desert environment where his fam lived.)

• Jim Kim: Uh, okay. Ummm, fudge, Emmitt, as your campaign manager, here’s my strategy on winning the election, okay? You ready for it? Hell, if this don’t take the cake ummm, well, uhhh…. I propose… uhhh… Well, y’know how they used the, uh?
• Lisa: Say something or shut up! You’re makin’ my ears bleed! (Lisa walks away from the two, into the shed’s corner, thinking something. Emmitt slaps Jim for refusing to make sense and the two get into an argument.)

(Meanwhile, Lisa just grins smugly and puts her hands together, as if she’s planning something unknown to everyone else.)

• Emmitt: (Drops Kim onto the floor) That’s it! We’ll create a smear campaign that’ll expose Gug for what he really is.
• Jim Kim: An enemy of the state?
• Emmitt: Yes! And a secret double agent who’s working undercover for the communists down in uh, South America… Shit, too bad he’s Mexican, but we’ll just say his Mexican family has ties to Cuba and he’s serving the brutal Castro regime.
• Jim Kim: But he’s my friend. I don’t want to lie.
• Emmitt: If you help me, I’ll do your homework for you and give you cheats when we have tests.
• Jim Kim: Well, okay. But can I still campaign as the Mirror Master?
• Emmitt: Sure.
• Lisa (returns): What were you to talking about?
• Emmitt: We’re gonna smear and expose Gug for the freedom-hating communist he is.
• Lisa: Hmmm, are you sure the rest of the kids even know what communism is and what not? Shouldn’t this campaign be more like for um, school stuff, like less homework, different break time or something?
• Emmitt: No.
• Lisa: Oh. Okay.

(The next day, Shelley was walking to school when a voice called out to her.)

• Shareena: Psst, Shelley. Over here.

(The voice came from a bush outside the school)

• Shelley: Oh, hi, guys inside the bush. I’m ready to embark on an adventure and walk the reckless road of freedom, away from Miss Kill or Kill ya’ll’s prying eyes.
• Scoots: (Grabs Shelley into the bush, leaving the beret behind) Quiet, Shelley! Do you want to get us into trouble?
• Shelley: Heavens to Betsy, no, silly willy.
• Scootaloo: Ugh, please speak normal…
• Shareena: Come on. Let’s make sure no one squealed our plan to Miss Kissllkillya. (They move out of the bush, slowly, one by one, but Shareena drops her pink wallet without noticing.)

(The five students sneaked into the hall to peek at the older students’ abs and bulges at the gym. They then noticed that their friends and Miss Eugenia are there.)

• Miss Kiss: What’s this? (Counts over all of the students in the gym again) Privates Wicked and Kelly seem to be missing. And so are Wicked’s three troublesome friends. Does anyone in this goddamn platoon know anything about the whereabouts of Privates Wicked, Johnson, Cuneo, Bloom and Kelly? How about you, soldier? (Spins Kim around to face her) Are you withholding any top secret information?
• Jim Kim: (Worried and gulping) Uh…no, sir.
• Miss K: Good, because if I find someone missing in action without a pass and someone keeping that info from me, they’ll be spending their academic careers in DE-TEN-SHUN!

The five troublesome kids looked at each other with fear as they get out of the gym, quietly. They hope Kissllkillya doesn’t find out about them skipping school.

The five runaway students are next seen at a coffee shop, apparently making it out of the gym no bother. They had just finished their snacks when Shelley noticed that she’s missing her beret.

• Shelley: Oh no! Oh no! I lost my beret! I don’t know about this, guys. Maybe we should just head back to school.
• Scootaloo: What? Are you dum-dumb? All we have to do is pay and then we can go to the mall.

(The waitress gave them a check. Shareena looked in her bag for her wallet.)

• Shareena: Huh? I can’t find my wallet. Can any of you pick this one up?
• Shelley: I don’t have any money.
• Bloom: Don’t look at me, guys.
• Scoots: Are you kidding? None of you have any money!
• Shareena: I lost my damn wallet. Fuck! I hope no one finds it and steals everything I had.

(The Waitress gets easily annoyed) Her: Hey, Martin! We got a no-payer! Table 6! (The five heard rumbling footsteps coming towards their table. It was the cook, a giant, 6'6 smelly edgelord of a man wielding his butcher knife.)

• Martin: So… (Adjusts the knife in his hand) You five don’t have any money, right?
• Shelley: That’s right, Mr. Martin, sir.
• Shareena: We’re broke.
• Martin: Hehehe, well, what a coincidence! Our dishwasher’s broke, too. And there’s only 230 dishes waiting to be scrubbed. After you, kids, or else my butcher knife gets to have a say. Hahahaha… AHAHAHAHAHA! (He starts walking away) AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(The scared wimps go into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Sweetie is scrubbing her plate while Amanda bumps into her, making her drop it and destroy it.)

• Sweetie: Amanda! You ruined my dish!
• Amanda: We’re getting more dishes anyway, Cuneo.
• Scootaloo: Whatever… (She accidentally collides with Sweetie, making her drop her dishes as well and break a few of them. Luckily, no one is hit by the porcelain) You fool! Look what you’ve made me do!
• Sweetie: Me?! It was you who should look where she’s going!
• Shelley: (Looks at a clean, shiny dish at the other part of the kitchen) Look, I can see myself.
• Shareena: Good, because now you can see what a real geek looks like. (She pushes her away)

(Meanwhile back at school, Miss Kiss or I’ll Kill ya was looking for the missing students outside of school, this time near the bush they hid in earlier.) Miss Kiss: Hmmm. (Spots the pink wallet and ladybug beret) Aha! Shareena’s wallet! Just as I thought! Wicked’s AWOL again! And she’s taken Private Kelly hostage! I’m gonna get to the bottom of this unauthorised manuever or my name isn’t Eugenia Patricia Kisskillya! And it is, damn it! (She raises her hands in the air)

(In the school playground, Gug and his campaign managers discover lots of posters around the school, but not in his favour.)

• Lemonjella: (Reads poster) ‘Benedict Arnold’s Real Traitor is Gug, not Ben. Stop the conspiracy. Vote for Emmitt.’
• Gug: No way! How did Emmitt get a picture of me and Kim Jong-il together?
• Orangejella: It looks like he morphed on it on his computer. Pretty underhanded and sneaky.
• Gug: No, no, the image is real. I was just wondering how he got his hands on it. (Gug then rips up poster while the twins look confused at his statement) And I thought we were supposed to be underhanded and sneaky!
• Orangejella: Well, at least we caught it before it did anymore damage.
• Lemonjella: That’s what you think. Take a look. (Points her finger at different walls, like in that soyjak pointing meme)

(The walls were plastered with similar posters Gug had ripped off. Jim Kim was putting another poster on a wall, a fake image of Gug shaking hands with Hitler.)

• Gug: I’m gonna teach that alien-believing puto Emmitt not to mess with Ramon Fernando Francisco Jose de San Martin Gugleamo III! Okay, here’s the plan. (Whispers plan to the LaBelle twins)

(We are back at the coffee shop, this time outside of it.)

• Scoots: Great! What are we supposed to do now? We have no money and nothing to go by! I can’t believe none of you shysters brought any!
• Shelley: Don’t be worried, Scootloo. You’ll be so surprised at how kind strangers can be. We won’t need any mula at all.

(A bus came up to the five at the small station right in front of the cafe)

• Shelley: (Ass the door of the bus opened, the Indian driver looked at the five kids) Excuse me, Mr. uh… (looks at his name tag but can’t pronounce that freaking name) bus driver, but my friend seemed to have misplaced her wallet. So, could you give us a free ride to…

(The bus left, leaving the five covered in smoke)

• Sweetie: (Coughs and dusts herself off) Look at me! I’m filthy! No thanks to you jerks.
• Shareena: (Coughs) So much for the kindness of strangers. I’ll guess we’ll have to walk to the mall.
• Bloom: Good idea, I’m not hitchiking.

(The five friends start walking towards the mall.)

• Shelley: That’s okay. We’ve only got 3 miles, which will give us time to tell secrets and talk about lotsa’ things! We can even talk about some hot B-O-Y-S!
• Shareena: This is going to be the longest 3 miles of my life.
• Scootaloo: Yours and mine both, I swear.

(Meanwhile back at the traitor-named school.)

• Emmitt: Hey Jim, how it’s going with those damn posters?
• Jim Kim: Super fantastic, o supreme future ruler of Benedict Arnold Middle School.
• Emmitt: Good, because it’s almost time for- (he spots a different, pro-Gug poster and Jimmy Kimmy’s the one putting it on) What are you doing, you fool?! (Reads poster) ‘Gug signs pact to rid of detention. Vote for Gug.’ You were supposed to be my campaign manager! MY! You fool! I gave you my confidence, my trust, my promise of doing your shitty homework and yet you Benedict Arnold me in the back!? What did that damn b*aner ever give you?
• Jim Kim: He gave me a limited edition of Captain Universe action figure with superhero grip. (Shows the toy to Emmitt and squeezes it to show his own iron grip)
• Emmitt: (Snatches the toy and throws it to the ground where he kicks it off) Here’s what I think of your stupid toys! (Grabs Jim) Come on! It’s time to plan phase 2 of our plan: “Operation Wipe Out.”
• Jim: Okay, Emmitt. I’m sorry.
• Emmitt: You better be…

(Meanwhile at the cafe)

Miss Kissllkillya was roaming around the coffee shop, looking for the table the kids sat in. After a few tables, she noticed a table with a check on it. It was the kids’ table.

• Miss K: AHA! They were here! I can see it from the check! I can smell their stench and cheap perfumes! They’re dead once I get my hands on ‘em!

(At the mall)

• Shelley: And the summer I spent at Camp Sunshine was super fun! Super duper fun! That’s where I met Henry Hickenbottom.
• Scoots: His name sounds like HBK’s or some shit.
• Shareena: Henry who now?
• Shelley: He was dreamy. Except for the fact that he eats bug sandwiches made with beetles and eucalyptus leaves! He had a very nasty eating habit, I swear.
• Bloom: Cool!
• Scoots: Boy, Shelley, who’da thought?
• Shareena: Sounds like a real prince.
• Shelley: You really think so?
• Shareena: Yeah. A frog prince! He eats freaking bugs for Pit’s sake!
• Scootaloo: I can’t believe I am stuck with someone so cringe. I mean you Shelly.
• Sweetie: Hey, c’mon now… Settle it down.
• Shelley: (Ignores the criticism) And when I was 9 years old, I got to play Juliet from that Shakespeare book, opposite Billy Nickerson’s Romeo. Oh, he was so cute! Especially when the stage lights reflected off his braces…
• Bloom: Hehehehehe… She said n**ger.
• Sweetie: Bloom! C’mon now! That’s racist.
• Amanda: She said it, not me!
• Scoots: (Grinds her yellow, unbrushed teeth in annoyance) STFU! Everyone! My head is gonna explode.
• Shareena: I agree with Johnson. Shelley, your stories are almost as boring as being stuck in detention!
• Shelley: Detention’s not boring actually, Shareena. I like going because you’ll never know who Miss Kissllkillya’s going to catch next.
• Scoots: Are you serious? How can anyone suck a teach’s cock or v-spot in this manner, so much?
• Shareena: That old, large, piece of fat can only catch a cold if you ask me.
• Scoots: Yeah, and die from it.
• Sweetie: I can’t believe I’m hearing this! You guys are out of your minds.
• Bloom: (Picks her nose and then flickers the booger away) Myeah.
• Scootaloo: Hey, take a joke, why don’t ya’?

(Heading to the mall now was Mrs. Kiss or It’ll simply kill ya. She looked around.)

• Miss Kissllkillya: (Smells the air with her large, Russian-American nostrils) Wicked! She was here! As were her measly pals!

(The five decided to head to the clothes section to look at some clothing, unaware that the old, large piece of fucking fat was there to ruin their day, send them to detention, then send them to Hell itself)

• Shareena: Now let’s start shopping!
• Shelley: What are we going to buy without any money?
• Scoots: Haha! You dorks.
• Sweetie: Like you have any money.
• Johnson: Hell, I thought you all were gonna pay for stuff.
• Amanda: Duck!
• Shelley: Duck? They sell ducks here?
• Amanda: No, y’all! Shareena’s mum is here!
• Scoots: Ahhh, piss…

(Shareena grabs Shelley and the CMCC and they hide inside the clothing rack. Shareena’s mom, Patsy, was looking for some clothes.)

• Shelly: Oh no! What do we do now, gals?
• Scoots: First off, I suggest you shut up. We can’t get exposed now.

(Suddenly, Miss Kissllkillya entered the clothes section and talked to Patsy.)

• Miss Kissllkillya: Why hello, Mrs. Wicked.
• Patsy: Oh, hello, Miss Kissllkillya.
• Shareena (Whispering quietly as she now hears good o’ Kissllkillya is talking to her mom’s): Oh gawd, help us…
• Sweetie: Sith, be quiet as you all can. Miss Kissllkillya will surely tell all of our parents. Haven’t you guys heard of consequential punishment? It’s a parental ring.
• Shareena: I think I’ve heard that well, Cuneo.
• Patsy: (Moves around a bit) Just doing a little wardrobe shopping. I’m giving a surprise for Shareena.
• Miss Kiss: Well, what a coincidence. As a matter of fact… (crouches down to look inside the rack) SO AM I!
• Patsy: You are? Whatever do you mean?

(There was nothing inside the clothing rack now. However, Eugenia noticed the students running away now too far away now. She was furious like a bull that she was. She gave chase in the mall. Patsy just shurgged her shoulders. The kiddos try to look for a hiding spot. Shareena pressed a button for an elevator and nervously waited with her four friendos or at least they call ‘emselves such. Shareena then noticed Kissllkillya coming, running on all fours like a bull or Gollum, so she and the others hid behind a nearby table instead. Kissllkillya ran into the elevator after it opened. Another elevator came up and the kids got in.)

• Shareena: That was damn close.
• Sweetie: (Panicking) I’ve followed all the rules! Lived a life of decency and principle! So why didn’t I follow my instincts now? That one day of skipping school can lead this! MY LIFE IS RUINED! IT’S ALL OVER! ‘S ALL OVER!
• Scootaloo: (Handgags Sweets again) Shut up! (Sweetie mumbles something) I said shut it! (The two struggle)
• Amanda: My armpits are sweaty, girls! I’m scared of what my big sis’ll do if she finds out, heck, WHEN she finds out! There’s puke aching up in my stomach already, mum’s pisketti.
• Scoots: (Finally calms down a stressed Sweetie and makes her sit on the ground) Will you STFU as well?
• Shareena: You guys are like a couple of kindergarten kids, I swear.
• Shelley: What do we do now?
• Shareena: We’ve got to get back to school before Miss Kissllkillya catches us. Yeah, yeah, das right! If we do that, she’ll have no proof that we were skipping school. None! And she won’t be able to give us any detention.
• Shelley: Great thinking, Shareena!
• Scootaloo: Congrats on giving us the idea of the day, haha.

(The elevator came to a stop. The door opened to show the rude-s detention monitor, Miss K, talking to the mall security.)

• Miss Kiss: -And set up a dragnet for them. I want that fugitive, her accomplices, and her hostage returned by the hour or I’ll have your badges for lunch! Do you read me?!
• Cops: Loud and clear, sir! (The two shake)
• Miss K: Good. If I don’t have those brats here in an hour, I swear I’ll eat those badges then chop your damn heads off!

(Shareena pressed every button in the elevator to prevent capture. Scootaloo helped with the pressing. Kissllkillya spotted them, but the door closed at the last minute. She went through the door to leave the mall.)

• Kissllkillya: I’ll get you outside, girl. Mark my fuckin’ words!
• Shelley: Gee wiz, Shareena. Do you really think we should have pressed all the buttons at the same time?
• Shareena: It doesn’t matter. As long as we don’t get-

(The elevator stopped abruptly.)

• All: Stuck!
• Sweetie: This has to be a nightmare! IT HAS TO FREAKING BE!
• Scootaloo: I thought I told you already to shut up.
• Amanda: This reminds me of that one time, uh, well-
• Johnson: Shhhh! Silence!

(After a few mins or less of just standing around in the ‘vator.)

• Scootaloo: Knock, knock.
• Shelley: Who is it?
• Scoots: Shhh!
• Amanda: Was that a goddamn Austin Powers reference? Son of a bitch…

(The students were still all trapped in the mall elevator. They were all worried and the fact someone farted didn’t help at all.)

Today was the last election day, and Emmitt was putting up big letters on a sign near the school. It said ‘Vote Smart. Vote for Roswell.’ When he left, Gug changed the letters. Emmitt showed two kids the sign, but they both laughed. Why? Well, the damn sign now said ‘Vote Smart. Veto Roswell.’ and that is Spanish for… yeah, idk. I think Gugleamo actually uh meant veto to show that Emmitt can’t type or write for sith. Anyway, it appeared on the newspaper under the frontline: “Emmitt Spells Trouble.” Emmitt, of course, disagreed with this and instead said Gug’s trouble. The most troubling part about him? His attitude. Meanwhile, Gug was on another part of the school, kissing many babies by the cheek as part of his pro-baby campaign. Emmitt brought a baby stroller and left. When Gug came to that particular stroller, the baby was actually Shareena’s pet pug, Jerry, who licks Gug. This scene, likewise, was in the newspaper with the frontline: ‘Gug Takes a Lickin’. However, the previous pics of Gug kissing actual sushmans was also pictured, so it was a bit more positive for him than Roswell. Finally, it was time for class president elections inside the theater.

• Emmitt: -And finally, if elected class president, I promise to protect the campus from illegal aliens, which is possibly what Gug is! How do we know his damn citizenship ain’t fake? A vote for Emmitt is a vote for a save America!
• Audience: (Applause)
• Emmitt: Oh, and by the way, Gug sucks his own cock! That’s hella’ gay, folks.
• Audience: (Laughing)
• Gug: Oh, yeah? Well, how about that time you went to that scary movie and you wet your pants?
• Audience: (Laughing even louder)
• Emmitt: I just spilled my drink! You took a piss!
• Gug: You didn’t have a drink! You always pissed your pants! Everyone in the class knows it! You’re nothing but a wuss who always pisses his own pants then and there!
• Emmitt: Oh, yeah? Well, if I’m such a pussey, how do you explain this? (He turns on the projector behind the two and it shows a picture of Gug in a dress to everyone.) You damn queer! Look at him! He’s not symbol of masculinity! Just another typical liberal queen!
• Audience: (Laughing)
• Gug: That’s low, holmes! My sisters need help with their sewing project! Besides, gayness is legal now, holmes! But that was just me helping out my sises! And now folks, take a look at this!

(Gug showed a picture of Emmitt eating a live fetus on the projector to the audience)

• Audience: (Shocked)
• Emmitt: That’s fake, damn it! And it’s ironic this is coming from you, considering your side kills babies!
• Orangejella: This is getting ugly….
• Lemonjella: We better call in a debate coach.
• Jim Kim: Too late. Their time has come.

(Emmitt and Gug had begun fighting each other and wrestling around on the floor. Gug punches Emmitt twice in the face, making his nose bleed, but Roswell pushes him off. Despite his short stature, Gug had a temper and he lashed back at Roswell, pushing him down and continuing to punch him like no tomorrow. Emmitt spat blood and used his leg to kick him off again. Emmitt told Gug to calm down and put his hands up. Gug was just breathing heavily, possibly waiting for another strike to land at his racist opponent.)

• Orangejella: Better call in a wrestling coach, hehe.

(Back at the mall)

(Now there was a news crew outside of the shopping mall. Which news station? Eh, probably FOX News or something. But this time the news won’t be about conservative politics nor freaking foxes, no, no — the latest breaking news will be of five kids trapped in a mall elevator.)

• FOX Reporter: (Adjusts his blue tie and taps on the mic) We’re here live at the Oak Forest Mall to give you this late breaking story. Five unidentified girls from the local Benedict Arnold have been trapped inside a mall elevator! We now bring you the elevator cam inside the elevator to see what is really going on.

(Walking by the TV store section, Miss Kiss? Well, it’ll kill ya saw footage of Shareena, Shelley, and the CMCC inside the elevator, all frightened n’ shit.)

• Miss Kissllkillya: So, think you can escape interrogation, huh Wicked? Huh Johnson? Good thing you’re all in an elevator, because you’re going down! DOWN! NOW!!!

(Inside the elevator Scootaloo was busy trying to open the elevator door with her own hands but to no avail, while the others are discussing about how to get out and about who keeps farting and about who is the most nervous. The latter turned out to be Sweetie Cuneo ofc.)

• Scootaloo: Open up, you little! What’s with this door?! (She tries harder to pry the shit open, but it don’t work. Stupid kid)
• Amanda: Hell, you won’t be able to pry them open. They’re made of solid steel or somethin’!
• Sweetie: We are so fuckin’ doomed.
• Scootaloo: Goddamn it! (Releases her grip on the door) So, what are we gonna do?
• Shareena: We have to find a way out of here. Y’know none of us wants to end up as Kissllkillya’s dinner.
• Shelley: I gave my perfect attendance record to ditch with you today! This was a disastrous decision! Why did I ever listen? And for what? Washing dishes and getting stuck in a stupid ol’ elevator? This has been the worst day of my life! Somebody, get me outta here!
• Scoots: Oh shut up.
• Sweetie: I’m inclined to agree with her, though.
• Johnson: Gee Sweets, why don’t you just suck her off then, like how she does Kissllkillya! Huh?!
• Amanda: Geez, what is it with you, Scoot?
• Scootaloo: I’m just tired of your complaining, girls!

(We now see how two officers, the same ones from before, who Kiss threatened to take their badges and eat them, were trying to open the door from the outside. The detention monitor herself arrived to do the job, tho. And you know with Kissllkillya, there is no slacking.)

• Miss Kissllkillya: Stand aside, men. I’ll handle this. (She pushes the two coppers aside and flexes her monstrous, Chad-like muscles)

(She opened the door with her bare arms somehow. The inside was empty, however, much to her shock, but then Kissllkillya looked up to see a secret escape route or at least a vent that was open in the ceiling. An oil drop fell from above and splat onto her face, as if someone just jizzed, but no one did.)

• Miss Kiss: Wicked and her goons may have won this battle, but the war’s not over yet! I won’t lose, damn it!

(Back at Benedict’s, outside of it, Lisa Loud is seen sitting on a bench with Jim Kim.)

• Jim: So… Who do you think’s gonna win the, uh, elections?
• Lisa: Heh, I don’t care. Gug probably. Hey (looks at Jim, straight into the eye), let me tell you something now… Murder… Okay? Murder is only wrong because the current state of culture says it’s wrong, Kim. Who made the culture? In war, murder is called heroism. In capital punishment, murder is called justice. In self-defence, murder is seen as a solution and even called righteousness. Y’see, the same action, becomes good or evil depending on the context. That’s not a scientific fact, that’s perspective. People, morality cucks really, say helping is right, but helping out those society deems as criminals is wrong. You say hurting innocents is wrong, but the innocence really depends on who defines “innocence”. Pick up a history book, Kim. Good meant conquest and evil meant surrender. There’s no universal truth! There is only power deciding what counts as “good” or “bad!” For us, Genghis Khan was nothing but a warmonger and a rapist! For Mongolians, he’s a national hero. That’s why I love mankind…
• Jim: (Slowly backs away) Umm, Lis… You’re starting to scare me a bit.
• Lisa: Oh c’mon Jim… C’MON! Don’t tell me you don’t see it, too?
• Jim: I… I guess I do. (Stands still, waiting for Loud’s next words of wisdom)
• Lisa: Well, this brings me to my next point… Nothing matters! Nothing. Everything you do is bound to die one day. Think of it, in a hundred years we’ll all be equally forgotten. Death doesn’t make life precious — Death IS the precious. The sooner you die, the sooner your suffering on here will end.
• Jim: Then why don’t we just kill ourselves and save some time?
• Loud: Bingo. (Adjusts her glasses up) We will not be delaying the inevitable and pretend that life is meaningful — because it isn’t.
• Kim: Wait, you’re not…
• Lisa: (Sits back on the bench) Y’see, insanity is just complexity that’s honest about itself. And me? Well, I’m the only one genuinely honest. Wouldn’t you wanna join me, Kim?
• Jim: Join you? In what? (Jim starts to back away a bit again)
• Lisa: Don’t be scared now. We can be best of friends. Just accept that you’re crazy like me and you’ll finally be free.
• Jim: I’m not like you. Are you planning on committing an act of terror on the school? Don’t try it. That’s even crazier than what Gug and Emmitt are doing.
• Lisa: I’m Andrew Kehoe-ing it.
• Jim: What? What exactly does it mean?
• Loud: You’ll see. You all will. This isn’t about my vengeance. It’s about human destiny. (She gets off the bench and walks around a bit) Now that we know that there is no such thing as good and evil, that insanity is just reality and that death is all too natural, this takes me to my next point: order and chaos, Hotaru and Havik, basically-
• Jim: Who?
• Lisa: Do not interrupt me! They’re two extraterrestrial peoples from the world of Seido and Chaosworld respectively.
• Jim: (Jim is confused af, but pays no mind to this as he considers Lisa as crazy as it is) Whatever… Go on.
• Lisa: Fighting chaos just creates a different type of chaos. There can’t be a world order without disorder. Rules are arbitrary. In another place, different rules exist and they’re equally arbitrary. No one is protecting some universal order, law or morality — just the one they grew up with.
• Kim: That’s how societies work, Lis.
• Lisa: That’s how they were made, Kim. Not work.
• Jim: But isn’t it not subjective, but objective morality not to kill people, rape ppl, hurt kids or do evil stuff?
• Loud: Only because you made it so. Now define “evil”.
• Kim: Well, idk… someone who hurts people, maybe?
• Lisa: Ha! My version is everything I disagree with.
• Jim: How does that even work? What makes you right in everything and everyone else the “wrong guy”?
• Lisa: Because that’s just how humanity is. That’s how the cookie crumbles, Jimbo. (She starts walking around the bench now, in circles) Order is maintained by chaos-loving predators. Without chaos, those judges on top and below in their chambers would have nothing to do. It’s like a goddamn cycle, y’know? So, will you join me and be my genius partner-in-arms or?
• Jim: Look Lis, I’m not sure I like your tone or what you’re getting at. You sound like a crazy uh, megalomaniac. Like some of those Marvel or DC villains I read so much about.
• Lisa: (Tries to hide her anger and glares at Jim) Y-you sure about this, Kim?
• Jim: I mean, I… I…
• Lisa: (Grabs Jim’s head with her small hands and forces her to look into her as she sits back down on the bench) Listen now, Jimbo, we’re both the same! I just know my potential, you clearly don’t! So listen! You’re no different from me. You’ve just convinced yourself that your order is righteous, thus you don’t have the balls to do what I want, but perhaps I’m doing this the wrong way… (She slowly lets go of Jim’s face) Remember what I was saying about death? That we all die eventually and that nothing matters in the long term? This will happen to you as well. Why fight the inevitable?
• Jim: You’re crazy. I’m not killing anyone or myself because of something that will happen anyway.
• Lisa: (Sighs) So be it… (She pulls out a small snub nose revolver from her pocket, fitting for her short stature, as she’s quite a dwarf, like Gug) The minute you don’t fit into my worldview, you die!
• Jim: W-wait! What are you-(She shoots him in the chest, making him fall down, killing him)

(Lisa then starts waltzing away while humming Animal Cannibal from Possibly in Mishigan into the lockers, where she changes her outfit.)

(Meanwhile, back inside the school, Gug and Emmitt are sitting outside the principal’s office. They’re waiting to be called into it. Emmitt and Gug’s little brawl led them to trouble. Gug’s shirt is torn and he’s bruised, while Emmitt’s face is pretty screwed up and bleeding.)

• Emmitt: We are so busted. This was all your fault, you greaser! What do we do now?! You got us into this mess, you get us out!
• Gug: It’s your fault! Fuak you!

(Gug’s campaign managers are sitting next to them)

• Orangejella: You two had to make it so personal, eh?
• Lemonjella: We didn’t want to be any part of this smear campaign in this first place!
• Both: You forced us!
• Gug: No, I didn’t!
• Roswell: And where the hell are Jim Kim and Lisa?
• Gug: Who cares!? You better come up with a good excuse as to why you started the fight, pronto.
• Emmitt: I didn’t! I told the truth. You were offended over it as your kind typically is.
• Gug: I can’t wait to tear your racist head off of your-

(Suddenly, the door of the office open and the principal peaks his ugly mug out)

• Principal McQueen: Well, it seems as if you boys smeared yourselves right out of the elections. You’ve both been disqualified! And why’d you beat the crap out of each other? That is not the Benedict Arnold way, boys. Now wait here. I’ll be right back. (Leaves back into the office)
• Gug: (Holds his head, stressed) Oh man.
• Emmitt: This stinks!
• Gug: Yeah… I guess it was our own fault. (He stops rubbing his temple and puts his hands back on his knees, palms down)
• Emmitt: Yours, maybe. I was just trying to tell the truth.
• Gug: Oh, fuak you! None of those smears were true! You made shit up!
• Emmitt: I never did. You did.
• Gug: Don’t make me give you another beating after school!
• Roswell: I’d love to see you try you-(he gets skipped by the LaBelle twins)
• Orangella: Will you two stop it already!? You’re both in enough trouble as it is.
• Lemonjella: Yeah, the next campaign we run should be based on truth, honesty, and integrity. Just like our principal, Mr. McQueen, runs this school.
• Gug: Oh, because he runs it real well. That’s a splendid idea!
• Emmitt: I’m with Gug for once.
• Lemonjella: Let’s all just rest a while now.

(Back at the mall, the five students are seen running away from it from the department store’s back door or exit door, trying to get back to Benedict before Kissllkillya sees ’em and gives ’em detention.)

(After they finally arrive back to the infamous traitor-named school, without Kiss or it’ll fuaking Killya chasing them. Shareena, the CMCCM and Shelley go to where Gug, Emmitt and the LaBelles are sitting.)

• Shareena: Hey, guys.
• Emmitt: What are you five doing here?
• Shareena: It was so cool! We totally outsmarted Miss Kisskillya. First, we ditched her in the store-wait, what happened to your face? And what happened to Gug?
• Emmitt: That’s a long story. We’ll talk about it later. So, what happened next?
• Scoots: (Whispers to Amanda) I think the two kicked the shit out of each during the erections, hehe.
• Bloom: Perhaps.
• Shareena: And then we lost her in the mall. And just when we thought she was gonna catch us, we escaped through the top of the elevator!

(The kids were giggling, some just started, but then they noticed an ominous shadow. The CMC looked in fear.)

• Sweetie: Uh, Shareena?
• Shareena: Not now, Sweets. I’d like to see the look on that old fucking dinosaur’s face when she realises we got away! And the best part is that she has no proof! That old pile of waste has nothing!
• Miss Kissllkillya: (Grabs Shareena by her head and turns her around) Well, I do now, you little brat! And don’t you dare call me that! How dare you!? You’re all in detention for a whole week, goddamn it! And as an added bonus, Saturday school. No one makes a fool out of me, you hear? Nobody! And especially not some emo pissant like you!
• Shelley: I suppose you know that I was with them the whole time, Miss Kissllkillya.
• Eugenia Kiss: You bet I do, private, and you’re to be commended for your acts of bravery during a hostage situation! You took it like a true champ! I bet these shyster brats threatened you with all types of things to keep you quiet and prevent you from escaping on your own, but you did it! Perhaps there is future for you yet. Well done, private Kelly!
• Scootaloo: No fair! Goddam it! How blind are you to not see that she was a part of this?! Are you two in some sorta forbidden fucking relationship?
• Miss K: Watch your language, you brat! And don’t you dare suggest somethi-(A large or loud boom is heard from the other wing of the school)
• Lemonjella: What the hell was that?

(Another loud boom is heard and the wing of the other part of the building is seen and heard crashing down with kids yelling and whatnot. It is assumed some of them might’ve had even died from being crushed.)

• Sweetie: Is it an earthquake?
• Kiss? It’ll def. Kill ya: I doubt it…

(After another explosion, which blows up a nearby classroom, possibly the math class, Lisa Loud is seen walking from the other side, behind the 10 ppl standing and staring.)

• Lisa: HAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAA! (She laughs, dressed in a black pullover, dark blue jeans as opposed to her usual red or pink pants or jeans and she is wearing a black jacket instead of her usual white lab coat) You will all die today! (The 10s turn around, some did even before and Kisskillya speaks up.)
• Kissllkillya: What is the meaning of all this, commander Loud?
• Lisa: Death is inevitable. How sad and boring. I say we speed up the process! (She points up her snub nose and shoots Shelley straight in the head, killing her.)
• Kiss: Goddamn it! Not private Kelly! She was my fav! (She starts tearing up) You’ll pay for this! BAH GOD, YOU’LL PAY FO’ THIS! GODDAMN YOU, PRIVATE LOUD!

(Lisa just shrugs and shoots again, this time hitting Emmitt in the chest, making him fall down.)

• Gug: Ha!
• Shareena: Run, everybody! Lisa’s gone bananas!

(The 8 survivors, for now, go running through the hallway of the school, before Kisskillya orders them all to hide in the detention classroom — not for detention this time, but for their lives. Kiss? This time it won’t kill ya instantly locks the door and barres it with her office chair.) (Inside the classroom, students and Kissk talk some private stuff since this is possibly the last time they’ll see each other. Lisa meanwhile, ran into one of the lockers, opened it and pulled out some other sticks of TNT she had. It turns out that she used TNT and petrol to crush down the school wing and a classroom. Where exactly she put the explosives and when, is unknown. It is also unknown how she managed to do that, but perhaps she bribed that disgruntled and suicidal janitor to help her. Could be.)

• Kissllkillya: (Sitting behind the knocked down desk) I just wanted you kids to know that if I must die today or if any of you must, that I let on a lot more of being a soldier than I actually was.
• Shareena: As if that wasn’t totally obvious.
• Sweets: (Nudges Shareena in the arm) Shareena! Now’s not the time.
• Shareena: Right, I’m sorry. But… I think I have a plan.
• Scootaloo: Do you? How do you plan on getting us out? The nerd’s a fucking maniac!

(Under another knocked down table, Gug and the LeBelle twins are hiding)

• Gug: I never wished to admit it, but I must say, you always looked so beautiful to me, Orangella. I just didn’t have the guts to ever admit it.
• Orangella: Would you be hurt if I told you the feeling was never mutual?
• Lemonjella: What exactly does she have that I don’t? Don’t we look the same?
• Gug: I… I-I don’t know? I just never really-(Trashing now starts to be heard on the door of the classroom)
• Lisa: Open up! Damn it! OPEN IT UP!
• Scootaloo: (To Sweetie) If this is indeed our last time together, I’d like to say I’m sorry for how I treated you sometimes. I guess I always just thought… that Amanda was cooler than you, Sweets.
• Amanda: Thanks, Scootaloo.
• Sweetie: Yeah, as if that wasn’t obvious.
• Johnson: She’s just more easy to manipulate.
• Amanda: Hey! Am not!
• Kissllkillya: (Stands up) Enough of this! I didn’t spend years in the military just to get chopped down now by the likes of you! If I must die for these kids, so be it! Plus I owe you for killing Shelley.
• Amanda: Miss K, I though you weren’t in the army?
• Kiss: Not as much as I wanted it to be…
• Lisa: It’s okay… ‘S okay… I will leave now.
• Shareena: I wouldn’t open the door, miss. It’s a trap!
• Kiss: I damn well know it is. (She steps closer to the door anyway) But we must think of something.

(Before the Kiss woman makes a step or two further, a fucking dynamite rolls through the hole through the door. How that is possible idk, but maybe it was so much space between the doo’ and floo’, fools!)

• Kiss’ll Kill ya: What the-(Before she can finish the sentence, the dynamite explodes and kills her, along with injuring the CMC and Gug)
• Lisa: Now open up the door! (She keeps trashing on the door)
• Teacher Bell: (Walks down the hallway, trying to stop Lisa) Hey! Kid! Stop that shit! (Lisa turns around and shoots him in the stomach, making him fall down to the ground, injured) Argh! Bastard! Fuckin’… lunatic. (He struggles on the floor)
• Sweetie Cuneo: (Cries hard, clinging on to Amanda) Make this shit stop! Make it stop!
• Amanda: (Also sobbing, hugs Sweetie) I’m sorry for every time I was mean to you, ever.
• Scootaloo: Stop sobbing, you guys! Maybe we still have some sort of… chance to survive.
• Shareena: Let me try and talk to her…
• Scoots: Are you crazy!?
• Wicked: (She gets up and walks closer to the door, passing by Eugenia’s mangled corpse)

(LeBelle twins are hugging under their own desk as well, crying and fearing for their lives, sitting right besides a dead Gug)

• Shareena: Hey Lisa! You don’t have to do this. If death is your game, why don’t just kill me and then yourself? I’ve always been an emo who got told to kill herself all the times. Just kill me and let these kids go. Back to their families and all.
• Lisa: (From behind the door) Y’know I can’t. These kids need to die. (Whispers quietly) Nobody thinks about me… (Now out loud) And no one ever did! But this isn’t about me. This… is about you.
• Wicked: Exactly, Lisa. This is about us, so… let Orangella, Lemonjella and the CMC’s go.
• Lisa: Hmmm… (Lisa walks away from the door, only to have some distance as she throws another dynamite stick at the door of the detention room, blowing them up, making Shareena fall to the ground, but she survives.)
• Scoots: Shareena! I told you don’t talk to that darn thing.

(Meanwhile Mr. Bell bleeds out to death on the floor of the school.)

• Lisa: (Steps into the classroom) Gonna be the enemy! Gonna smile & destroy! >:) (She sees Shareena laying on the ground, but she isn’t her target. She instead goes behind the teacher’s desk to get to see who is hiding behind the knocked down desk on the left. She sees the CMC.)
• Amanda: Uh-oh…
• Sweetie: Wait! We’re-we’re sorry! I-I-(Lisa doesn’t care. She shoots her in the chest, then shoots Scoots)
• Scoots: (Coughs and looks at Sweetie’s body on the ground) You fuckin’ bitch… Fuck! (Spits some blood) I never did anything to you!
• Sweetie: Have… mercy… (She breathes out, but Lisa only steps closer and shoots her in the head, killing her finally)
• Amanda: P-please… don’t… (She sobs like all hell, clutching her legs or knees close to her chest, crying while Lisa studies her, before turning to an injured Scoots on the ground.)
• Scootaloo: No… Wait! (Scoots tries begging for mercy, but is only shot in the chest once again by Lis, possibly dying.)
• Lisa: No mercy for bullies like you, Johnson. And now you… (She turns to a crying Amanda. While this is going on the LaBelle sisters take this opportunity to escape. They run out of the detention classroom, into the hallways. Lisa senses this, but let’s the two go so Amanda doesn’t try any funny stuff.)
• Amanda: (Crying like hell, boogers all over her face) Don’t… shoot me. I… I never did anything to ya!
• Lisa: This isn’t about me, damn it! What won’t you fucking dipshits understand!? (She shoots Amanda down in anger and then empties the entire chamber into her body in rage for not getting the point) IT’S ABOUT HUMANITY’S FATE! IT’S ABOUT THAT DEATH IS INEVITABLE! (She quickly reloads and then puts another round into Scoot’s back)
• Shareena: (Finally gets back up) Ughhh… Enough! You have killed enough people, Lisa. Why must death be so… (Coughs and rubs her injured arm) violent for you?
• Lisa: Death is death, Shareena. Whether it is violent or not. I see the black twins have made it out of here alive. We’ll see if you’ll have the same luck.
• Wicked: You gonna shot me now or?
• Lisa: In fact… no. I always liked you. I’ll be honest; I always thought you were a lot smarter than the rest of these scum. I always admired your rebellious, emo attitude and your style of clothes and your… everything really. I just guess we never found the perfect time to talk. You were very cool imo, y’know?
• Shareena: Why… Thanks, I guess? I just wish you hadn’t done that and killed all of my friends. What you did is just… wrong.
• Lisa: Not necessarily. Y’know, death is something that-(Police sirens and choppers are heard outside) Oh shit! The coppers! I’m not lettin’ ’em take me alive! Look, Shareena, I like you. Always did. Just wish we had more time to talk! I’m sparing you, but I am not taking the prison L! Go!
• Shareena: Go? Why? Aren’t you gonna just shoot yourself?
• Lisa: I will, but… not with you here. Go!
• Wicked: (She slowly walks around Lisa and when she’s at the detention classroom’s blasted door, she starts running out and into the hallways) I need to get the fuck out of here indeed! (She says as she limps while she runs or walks, holding her arm)

(Lisa is now alone in the classroom. She sits below the blackboard, snub nose in her hand. She contemplates her last moments, looking at the blasted corpses of Kissllkillya and Gug, then at the shot bodies of Sweetie Cuneo, Scootaloo Johnson and Amanda Bloom. She sighs and wishes it was different. She really does. As the SWAT ops start moving into the school, Lisa points the gun to her temple and blows her brains out.)

• Shareena: (Is seen outside the school now, tended by the medics. A couple of dead kids on stretchers are driven out of the school. Injured kids are packed into the ambulances, but there’s a lot more of dead ones than alive ones.) I… I never thought someone on our school could be capable of this.

The End, aka Fin.