The Solo Act: How to Shine Even Without Friends & In Social Isolation

What if the reason why your phone is dry, you lost or outgrew all of your previous friendships, and your in a phase of your life where you are spending almost every day by yourself isn’t because you’re being punished…

But instead, because this is the beginning of a new arc of your life, an arc where the main character finally gets their shining moment an arc called: ‘The Solo Act.’

So what is the solo act?

The solo act is a period of life in which the main character is called to get to know themselves on a deeper level without the heavy influence of side characters. It may be a period of isolation or loneliness, that prepares the main character for the next arc of their life, by allowing them room to deeply know who they are and learn how to shine all on their own.

Think of it as a monologue in a play. This is the point where a character is all alone on the stage talking to the audience without interruptions from other characters.

Or think of it as a one man or woman show, a show where there is one main character and everything that happens is solely focused on that character.

The solo act can occur to anyone at any phase of life, and sometimes it happens multiple times in someone’s life. I’ve had several solo acts throughout my life and I’m currently in one right now.

I find that a very common stage of life to have a solo act in is in your mid 20s. (I know… part of the quarter life crisis.)

This is when lots of us are done with school, some of us are our own for the first time. We’ve lost touch with our previous social networks from high school and college.Some of us are single, we’re most likely unmarried and don’t have children.

And some of us live in highly un-walkable car dependent cities in which we have to drive thirty minutes or more just to have some form of social interaction! So yeah.. It can be isolating!

In life when we face these periods of isolation and social dryness, many of us feel like there is something wrong with this phase of life. Lot’s of us may even believe that we have failed in some way and thats why were in solitude. Don’t get me wrong… I often feel this way too.

But not to fret! This period could also mean that you’re in a place of preparation for the next era of your life. And in order to truly shine in the next act which most likely will have more people in it — you have to first learn how to shine on your own during this period of your life.

The solo act is the perfect opening and opportunity to learn how to do this, because if you always had side characters in your play, it can be hard for the main character to know who they are without said side characters

Sometimes the main character even forgets that they are the main character in their own play, because the influence of side characters can be so overpowering. The main character may even lose touch with themselves.

The solo act is here to allow you the space to find out who the main character is maybe for the first time in your life. It gives you the opportunity to re-learn who the main character is, if you’ve lost touch with yourself.

The solo act may be looked down upon or feel like a punishment because we’ve been taught that solitude equals failure in our society, We look down on those who are alone, or spend time alone, or eat at restaurants alone.

But this period is a crucial part of the main character’s evolution, without it, the main character would never know who they are. The main character would constantly look to others to define them. They would not be able to create their own knowledge and understanding of themselves.

I feel its important for everyone go through a solo act at least once in life, so they can truly learn how to put on a one man show and still have funin the process. This will help them learn who they truly are as the main character without the constant need for others to define them.

As I mentioned earlier, I too am experiencing my own Solo Act. So how did I get here?

Two years ago, I had the most friends and connections that I’ve ever had in my life up until this point. That was the year I graduated from college.

My phone was busy, I was seeing someone romantically, I had so many friends, lot’s of in-person connections. I would travel with people, I was going to parties, and I had several different circles of friends and people to interact with.

Now tow years later… it’s crickets.

My phone is dry, I spend every day alone, I’m in one of those awful car dependent cities where I must drive thirty minutes to have any form of social interaction, and the person I talk to the most is me!

Now i’m sure you’re wondering, what the f*ck happened?

How did you go from one extreme, to the complete opposite?

Let me explain.

About a year ago a series of events began happening. For reasons hard to truly know why, all of the core connections I had in my life started falling off one person at a time. Sometimes these relationships would end completely out of the blue!

I would stop hearing from a group of people all of a sudden, then months later I’d be ghosted a person, then another, and another… and another.

Then things didn’t work with the person I was romantically interested in. We were long distance and incompatible on what we wanted long term.

Then I had to walk away from a toxic friendship, cut some more people off, and now I’m here, with just me, myself and I.

During this past year it’s been really hard to lose all of these people, it hasn’t been an easy voyage. I’ve faced lots of grief and mourning as well as genuine confusion as to why literally everyone in my life had disappeared, and all in one year too…

Now I’m in a place where I’m forced to reconsider what I really want in friendships and relationships, so I can have better ones in the future. Also it would be handy to learn how to not experience the same issues I ran into before in these previous relationships.

Although it’s been hard, I feel as if I’ve been handed a fresh start when it comes to making friends. Since there is no one relying on me at this moment, I have the opportunity to hyper focus heavily on myself and what I want to create for my life.

As lonely as the solo act may feel at times, it also gives you a chance to focus deeply on what you want to create in your world, and to actually go after it. It can be harder to go after what you truly want in life if you’re heavily influenced by other people’s voices and opinions

Many of us never listen to what we actually desire, because were so heavily influenced by what side characters want for us and from us. But the solo act strips you away from that heavy influence, and finally gives you a chance to focus on listening to your own voice for once.

But Laur, if you’re too selective and intentional with choosing people…you may never fill your social life again! Why not just find anyone to play those roles, to be your friends, to fill the stage, so you can get out of the solo act faster, and you wont have to be all by yourself!

Well, I’ve reached a point where I would rather be all by myself than around company that does not fulfill me.

Many of us view the solo act as something that needs to be fixed, or something that needs to be rushed out of. We may try to ‘fix’ the solo act by forcing connections, or constantly seeking for them because we feel the solo act shouldn’t be happening.

However, even if we were to form these types of connections, these ones chosen out of desperation — the likelihood of them actually being fulfilling would probably be very low. The reality is you’d most likely end up feeling pretty lonely and even more isolated even with all these people around.

So what can we do about this?

Instead of trying to fix the solo act, you must embrace it. You must learn how to find peace on your own.

There’s a difference between being lonely and alone.

Many of us try so hard to avoid the solo act because we believe that being alone in our own company would make us feel extremely lonely.

Don’t get me wrong, it can be lonely to be alone, but when you enjoy your own company, and you’re able to have fun by yourself, being alone is no longer an issue. It can even start to feel fulfilling.

When you’re able to enjoy being alone and you create intimacy and fulfillment with yourself, that’s when you will start to have better side characters ultimately join your play.

Because if you feel so good about your one man or one woman show, you will only want to pick people to fill those roles that add value to the production.

If you’re in such a rush to fill the stage just to avoid being alone you’ll give roles to pretty much anyone, and who knows if these characters will be good or bad.

When we move from desperation we often end up choosing lots of toxic side characters because were trying to escape being alone vs moving from intention about what we truly want.

This is why embracing the solo act is so important and it’s important to find ways to celebrate it.

Find ways to turn it into what you want and harness the power that it brings. Find a way to make being alone fun. When you focus on embracing the solo act and putting on the best one man or one woman show you can, you will recognize how fulfilling it can actually be.

Instead of focusing so much on the lack of people in your life, it may help to turn your focus on the abundance of space you have in your life to create it into whatever you desire. You can finally spend all of your energy focused on building life into what you want to make it into and go after it.

If it helps you feel better, you are not the only one who’s ever had a solo act.

Almost all of the worlds greatest historians and those who made huge differences in the world also went through a period of intense isolation

Nikola Tesla, Beethoven, Emily Dickinson, Isaac newton, Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein, Joan of arc, The Buddha just to name a few all have recorded history of spending periods in intense solitude and social isolation.

Maybe the reason why you are called into isolation, is because your calling is higher.

If these people were surrounded by other peoples influences 24/7 I doubt they would have achieved the greatness that they had. It was formed through being in solitude and focusing on what they wanted that they were able to tap into, channel and create their greatness.

Let’s also talk about not having that “special character” during the solo act.

The Bonnie to your Clide, the Sokka to your Suki, the Marceline to your Princess Bubblegum…Basically the romantic interest.

This is the first year in eight years where I haven’t had a romantic interest in someone. No crushes, not seeing anyone, haven’t kissed anyone all year.

And as much as I’d love a girlfriend, I’ve also found peace being single. I feel I’m at the point where I’d rather wait for someone that floats my boat rather than jump into anything or even seek for anything!

I feel when we are young, or any age for that matter, we are so concerned with being romantically focused. It even consumes our entire focus sometimes.

It’s either were in a relationship and our partner has all of our focus, or were single and were constantly focused on looking for someone to capture all of our focus.

I have been the same for the past eight years and so it’s a bit jarring not to be romantically for the first time. Not focusing on romance can feel unnatural especially if we’ve always made that into one of our main focuses.

But maybe this could be the arc in which you create your own love story, and fall madly in love with yourself. This may sound narcissistic, but it doesn’t have to be!

It can just be the era in which you are self focused, and actively pour into the things that make you happy. Instead of prioritizing romance, you start romanticizing your life.

Dive into your joy, dive into your passions and pleasures, dive into doing things that add value to your life. Go places, travel, try new things, join classes and organizations.

As fun as it can be to have a partner to do everything with, I’ve found that the need to have this “special character” decreases the more you fill your life with joy and with other things you love to do.

It’s so much better than handing the role of romantic partner to someone you aren’t truly compatible with, just to fill that role.

It’s all about becoming comfortable in that void, because this allows you the space to choose someone for that role from a place of completeness rather than desperation.

Being self focused doesn’t mean you’re selfish, but instead it means you are radically focused on making your own path into what you want it to be. It’s about intentionally walking forward in the direction you’d like to see it go in.

Lastly, the solo act is just an arc, it is NOT the entire play.

The solo act doesn’t last forever, even if it may feel never ending.

Being on your own forever wouldn’t be conducive to your soul and it’s growth here on earth. We need people in our lives so we can grow and expand. So yes, this too shall pass. You will have side characters in your play again and it’s guaranteed to happen.

It’s really tempting to believe that if I don’t have the people I want now, the friends I want, the partner I want right now in this moment — then I will never have these people.

Don’t get me wrong, I often go into those states of mind as well thinking I’ll be on my own forever. But imagine a play in which there was only one character on stage the entire time having a monologue. The entire audience would go to sleep. This is why the solo act is just an act.

Since it’s temporary, if we find ways to embrace it rather than rush through it, then we can make the most out of this time and use all of the benefits that can come from being in the solo act.

We won’t have better characters in the next act of our play, if we don’t actually use the solo act to get to know ourselves deeper.

If we rush through it, we don’t actually give ourselves the time to define our values and evaluate what kinds of new characters we want in the next act of our play.

The solo act gives you the time to become a better casting director because when you find peace and joy in the solo act, you won’t want the next act to be filled with chaotic characters. You will desire to find those that enhance the story in a positive way, not take away from that.

Hello readers! Thank you for reaching the end.

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