He Raped Her Because He Paid $ 3.80 for Dinner

He called it “getting his money’s worth”

Photo by Keith Helfrich on Unsplash

“I had spent about ₹ 360–370 on the biryani, after which she asked if I could drop her home. Brother, I spent ₹ 370 on you, I need to get my money’s worth,” says Himanshu from Gurgaon, India, on a crowd segment by Indian comedian, Pranit More. Not long after this he describes in some explicit detail how he coerced this woman he’d met at a coworking space to get intimate with him, and the crowd roared with laughter. The woman was older than he was, and he said he’d always wanted to have sex with someone her age.

He said she was trying to friend-zone him after their stop at a roadside shack when he took her to a dark park and then acted like he wouldn’t drop her home. He was apparently miffed by her refusal.

Himanshu then goes on to say that he manipulated the woman into kissing him, then started to touch her without asking for consent until they got intimate. Pranit himself refers to the idea Himanshu brings up about paisa vasool — getting your money’s worth — as “Peak Gurgaon content.”

[embed]A video editor has reposted the now-deleted clip on Youtube.

You might wonder, why didn’t she just get up and walk away? Leaving is a personal choice a lot of Indian women don’t think they have — either because they feel physically unsafe to leave, or emotionally unsafe to be abandoned. Coercion is illegal in India, but most people don’t know how to address it, or that it even exists. This man coerced her for a biryani plate from a roadside dhaba, an Indian food shack. It was after work, dark, and she was on his turf with only him as her ride home. Her giving in was probably a harder decision than Himanshu makes it out to be.

Pranit calls it peak Gurgaon content casually, but has managed to profoundly encapsulate the things Indian women have been screaming and crying about in every single mahila morcha, or women’s march, across the country.

Women, particularly Indian women, have been telling you for a long time that we live in a rape culture. That rape is normalized to the point of seeming absurd and hilarious to men. That men have been using the ruse of “providing” and “paying for dinner” as a way to extort women for sex. That they believe a woman who lives alone deserves it.

You can argue that this is an issue of modernity, that there was once a time when men venerated women more — after all, doesn’t Hinduism, the biggest religion in this country, also worship goddesses? But this is not new. We learned this from religion, itself. And I’m a little bit sick of pretending we don’t have a rape heritage.

From 206 BCE to 2026 — Hinduism has been excusing rape for centuries

Earlier this year, the Congress MLA Phool Singh Baraiya, blamed India’s problem of rape on vedic scriptures. He especially targeted the ever-growing constant of the rape of Dalit, Scheduled Caste, Scheduled Tribe, and Other Backward Castes — all protected low castes in India, may of which are considered untouchable — on the fact that raping them leads to “spiritual merit” for the rapist.

If a man cannot go on pilgrimage it is said that if you engage in sexual relations with their women, you will receive the same merit. So what will such a person do? He will try to catch them in the dark.

Who are the most victims of rape in India? Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes, and OBCs. The theory of rape is that if a man, regardless of his mental state, is walking down the road and sees a beautiful girl, it can distract his mind and make him rape a woman. —* Congress MLA Phool Singh Baraiya, NDTV*

He went on to claim that “a man cannot rape a woman” and attributed the rape of infants to spiritual motivations. “That’s why four-month-old and one-year-old girls are raped,” he said. “[The rapist] does it for a reward.”

This man isn’t correct in the understanding that the Manusmriti — or the laws of manu, the founding scripture of Hinduism — actually grants boons or spiritual merit for raping a lower caste woman. But the Manusmriti does actually blame women for rape. According to the Manusmriti, women are to blame for rape in many ways.

Women lead men astray — even men they are related to

*Book 2, script 213–215: स्वभाव एष नारीणां नराणामिह दूषणम् । अतोऽर्थान्न प्रमाद्यन्ति प्रमदासु विपश्चितः ॥ २.२१३॥ — *It is the nature of women to seduce men in this (world); for that reason the wise are never unguarded in (the company of) females.

अविद्वांसमलं लोके विद्वांसमपि वा पुनः । प्रमदा ह्युत्पथं नेतुं कामक्रोधवशानुगम् ॥ २.२१४॥ — For women are able to lead astray in (this) world not only a fool, but even a learned man, and (to make) him a slave of desire and anger.

मात्रा स्वस्रा दुहित्रा वा न विविक्तासनो भवेत् । बलवानिन्द्रियग्रामो विद्वांसमपि कर्षति ॥ २.२१५॥ — One should not sit in a lonely place with one’s mother, sister or daughter; for the senses are powerful, and master even a learned man.

The premise is that if a man hurts a woman, he is doing so because she is, by virtue of being a woman, seducing him. While other parts of the text point to punishment for laying with a high-caste woman as a low-caste man, in general, Hinduism does not believe that men are to blame for sexual crimes against women. That “wisdom” starts with the acknowledgment that women — all women — are the creators of temptation in men.

These scripts also directly speak of how women are the reason men become a “slave of their desire or anger,” and then use manipulation to get the men in trouble. Politician Mulayam Singh Yadav said in 2014, “Boys and girls fall in love but due to differences, they fall apart later on. When their friendship ends, the girl complains she has been raped.” Then, Asha Mirje, another politician, was quoted saying: “Rapes take place also because of a woman’s clothes, her behaviour, and her being at inappropriate places.”

And women have been blamed countless times by Indian leaders who aren’t citing the Manusmriti but definitely parroting it. Some have even told women that, “when rape is inevitable, just lay back and enjoy it.”

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In an ironic slap on the face of the 215 shlokha above, shortly after the brutal gang rape of Jyoti Singh, spiritual leader Asaram Bapu blamed the victim: “The girl should have called the culprits brothers and begged before them to stop. This could have saved her dignity and life.” The scripture instead warns men that they can be tempted even by a sister or daughter. That no woman is safe from their lust.

Nobody hates the autonomy of men more than the Manusmriti. But the Manusmriti hates the autonomy of women much, much more.

Women must be controlled — or they will bring dishonor

Book 5, script 147: बालया वा युवत्या वा वृद्धया वाऽपि योषिता । न स्वातन्त्र्येण कर्तव्यं किं चिद्कार्यं गृहेष्वपि ॥ ५.१४७॥ — By a girl, by a young woman, or even by an aged one, nothing must be done independently, even in her own house.

Book 9, script 2: अस्वतन्त्राः स्त्रियः कार्याः पुरुषैः स्वैर्दिवानिशम् । विषयेषु च सज्जन्त्यः संस्थाप्या आत्मनो वशे ॥ ९.२॥ — Day and night women must be kept in dependence by the males (of their families), and, if they attach themselves to sexual enjoyments, they must be kept under one’s control.

This book talks about the duties of women, and goes on for multiple scripts calling women incapable of independence. It says that granting them independence is the reason for patrilineal and familial downfall. No similar postulates exist for men, even when the Manusmriti makes a point to mention that, no matter if the husband is ugly or of poor character, a woman must worship him.

If she isn’t “guarded” she is ready to bring dishonor on the family. The honor of two families hang on an intact hymen. Somehow, the man’s member brings no dishonor, even if it were involved in the dishonoring of a woman and her two families.

Book 9, script 5: सूक्ष्मेभ्योऽपि प्रसङ्गेभ्यः स्त्रिया रक्ष्या विशेषतः । द्वयोर्हि कुलयोः शोकमावहेयुररक्षिताः ॥ ९.५॥ — Women must particularly be guarded against evil inclinations, however trifling (they may appear); for, if they are not guarded, they will bring sorrow on two families.

The wagging finger of blame always somehow finds a woman to admonish for her choice to wear certain clothing or be out at certain times. Never the man for choosing to rape her when he could’ve just minded his own business.

[embed]Mamata Banerjee asking why a victim was out past midnight.

When a resident doctor was brutally raped in Kolkata, the Chief Minister, Mamata Banerjee, claimed that rapes are on the rise because women interact with men “freely.”

Earlier if men and women would hold hands, they would get caught by parents and reprimanded but now everything is so open. It’s like an open market with open options . . . Every day rape incidents are being highlighted as if the entire state has become the land of rapists. Rape is sought to be glorified by these people. I would like to say that negative journalism only destroys and it is time to champion positive journalism.

When the leaders of the country think of rape in this way from the early 2000s, hell, when the founding texts and doctrines of the majority religion mention things like this from 200 BCE — are we surprised that an entire room erupted in laughter when a man narrated how he raped a woman because he paid for her share of biryani?

Himanshu showed zero remorse, he even enjoyed recounting the story, and went into detail to the enjoyment of everybody else. And there’s an entire heritage, a legacy of rape and rapist-supporting ideology to back this man and his ideas up.

I’ve written countless stories about rape — when will it finally stop?

As an Indian who was born and raised abroad, I barely spent time in my home country. But the little time I did spend there was when several gang rape cases were flooding the headlines. My childhood was shaped by walking in those candlelight vigils and the angry protests. I was sickened watching the video-expose’s of all the cops who said the women deserved it. That they never took the cases seriously because women lead men astray. That she only had herself to blame.

That was my short childhood in my country. My personal experiences were not much better. Daily harassment plagued my every move. It was a miracle if I spent five hours outside uninterrupted by a hand trying to cup my breast or squeeze my ass. Rape jokes were everywhere, but they didn’t feel like jokes — not only because they weren’t funny, but I suspected the boys and men making them were simply speaking the truth with a smile.

I’ve found myself writing a lot of stories about rape. Specifically rape back at home, but also everywhere else.

And, now, I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted rifling through the Manusmriti, or the news, or my memory, finding threads that will, in some way, explain the unfairness of laws. I’m exhausted by the comment section that tells me and other women that it’s not all men and that you’re making this about the majority when it’s a minority.

The stories of rape I’ve written on come from India, the US, France, Germany, Italy, Nigeria, and so much more. But still I’ve had comments from people telling me this is about certain cultures. “Some cultures are better than others.”

All countries somehow have one thing in common — a rape culture. I may have explored the rape heritage of India, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen this in every country I’ve been to or written about.

I might be exhausted, but I know there’s no rest for me or any other women who want to see change. So, I don’t plan to stop.

I hope the laughter stops. I hope the rapists stop. But I won’t stop until the work is done.

Other stories about rape culture:

[embed]What if We Forced Men to Stay Home, Instead? Violence against women goes up — but its cause stays outmedium.com

[embed]62 Million Watched — And We Blamed The Victim, Anyway Where a feminist and a patriarchal narrative convergemedium.com

[embed]Sleeping with One Eye Open: Why the “Rape Academy” isn’t an Anomaly Data suggests an alarming number of sexual assaults on women as they sleep — but why?medium.com

[embed]Rape is Something Women Just Walk Into Maybe that’s why we’re telling women, “Stay home, or get raped”medium.com

Update to add: Himanshu Jangra has since lost his job, and his ex-company has posted social media statements condemning his behavior. He has only doubled-down since and said he didn’t “actually do anything.” Indian men are angry “his life was ruined over a joke.” Is that what a woman’s consent is, what taking advantage of women is? Something to joke about?

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