Criminals + Coppers = Capuchin?: Goodman in Burglar, & in Murder Ordained (1987)

Whoopi and Bobcat steal, Pastor and Secretary kill, John and Ape yearn (for each other)!

A bad sketch of “Detective Nyswander,” who owns a beauty of a mustache in Burglar (1987)

The ’80s are full of action-comedies like Beverly Hills Cop and Fletch, movies where a fast-talking comic does accents and/or wears disguises in a modern detective noir. Our next Goodman joint, Burglar, is firmly in that vein. Whoopi Goldberg plays “Bernie,” who gets blamed for the murder of a man she was actively cat-burgling, and has to solve the case to save herself.

Dumb Fact: Apes would make lousy cat-burglars, but fantastic ape-burglars.

Our main man plays “Detective Nyswander,” who chases Bernie along with his partner “Detective Todras” (Anne DeSalvo). These two are excellent together, laid-back and dryly funny, obviously competent but confounded by how odd the case is.

A bad sketch of Goodman and DeSalvo doing their detectiveing.

Dumb Fact: This is the second film after The Big Easy where Goodman-as-a-cop carries a shotgun strangely. He sticks it under his overcoat to hide it, but the stock pushes the coat back and up to his shoulders, making it more obvious. WEIRD.

Bob(cat) Goldthwait plays “Carl Hefler,” Bernie’s best buddy, and his performance is the only truly funny part of the film. A rambling interrogation scene between him and Nyswander is a delight:

Carl: “You know why I’m here? It’s because I’m a Black man in a white man’s world!”

Nyswander: “You’re Caucasian, Mr. Hefler.”

Carl: “Great, shove THAT in my face!”

Overall, Goodman is allowed to be low-key and naturalistic, and it works. What also works is his mustache. Gorgeous!

Dumb Fact: Burglar reunites Goldthwait with G.W. Bailey, both Police Academy alum.

A truly terrible sketch of “Hugh Rayburn” in Murder Ordained (1987). It’s hard to tell if that’s Goodman or Ned Beatty (it’s…Goodman).

Another 1987 Goodman joint where he plays a police officer is Murder Ordained, a CBS TV movie based on the true story of a Kansas pastor and his adulterous secretary who conspire to kill their spouses. The pastor nourishes her spirit as he ravishes her body.

Dumb Fact: The majority of Great Apes also don’t practice monogamy.

“State Trooper John Rule” (Keith Carradine) doesn’t believe the death of the pastor’s wife in a car wreck was accidental. Goodman plays “Deputy Sheriff Hugh Rayburn,” who shows up halfway through the picture to investigate the shooting of the secretary’s husband, but he only sticks around for eighteen minutes of this three-hour flick.

Dumb Fact: This is the third time Goodman and Keith Carradine acted together. Add his brother Robert Carradine in Revenge of the Nerds, and dat’s a lotta Carradines!

The film is dull, and the acting is tedious. The only flash of life from Goodman is when Rayburn admits he doesn’t know if the two murders can be connected, but “…anything can happen, that’s what I love about this job.”

These two movies suffer from a severe lack of Monkeys or Apes. But they do add to Goodman’s resume in other dumb ways:

Running Goodman-as-Cop Count: Now 5

Running Carradine Count: Now 4

Next-up on our ridiculous rhesus-seeking review of Goodman projects, he begins a long-lasting collaboration with two writer-director brothers that releases his inner madman.

Get ready to get apeshit!

Running Ape Count: Still 4