A Six-Pack is Not Your Priority, Guys

Try focusing more on this instead

Photo by rylan krupp on Unsplash

There it was, again.

Another fitness blogger telling me that my wife will love me more if I get a six-pack.

I’d been following this guy recently until he resorted to the same statement that so many male influencers have made before.

“She’ll look at you in a whole other way. Make it your priority, man”

A priority? Speaking with literally any woman who’s entered my life, I’ve yet to come across one who would agree.

But here’s an area where women might want us to prioritise, guys: *the fight against toxic masculinity. Challenge the narrative around rape culture. Stand against the normalisation of sexual assault, domestic violence and general male violence.*

There’s a tonne of other priorities we have to do first. We can’t just leave it to women to sort a problem they didn’t create.

A six-pack is not going to fix the bigger problems

The whole argument about looking good is one-dimensional at best.

At worst, it’s a convenient distraction from men’s priorities. The consistent levels of domestic abuse, rape, sexual assault, and general male violence only back this up.

So how about putting the weights down for one moment? Start to listen to what the women in your life might actually be saying?

I know many female friends in my life who have expressed concern about men’s general lack of support for women.

I don’t know ANY women in my life who regularly talk about men’s bodies as their number one interest in the opposite sex.

The message being spread from the male multiverse says otherwise, of course. Like this guy I was following on Instagram. Up until this point, I had found his fitness videos quite useful. His whole ethos was about getting fit without a gym rather than bench-pressing your way out of a shirt.

Then he did the thing that lots of men with his influence and reach do. They decide to focus on vanity and narcissism as driving factors for being a ‘better man’.

They promote the often false narrative that women will have more respect for you if you’re hench or ripped.

I’ve come across tonnes of jacked-up mini-influencers whose entire spiel is about degrading their audience. They accuse you of being undisciplined and unmotivated. Often spitting out some cruel optimism trash they think motivates people.

Some of these influencers go down the route of suggesting your entire family’s wellbeing depends on you having a six-pack!

Sure, the algorithm from my Instagram feed has been meddled with because of my interest in keeping fit.

I’m a victim as much as the next confused human about what is socially acceptable in the looks department. I’m also not saying we shouldn’t aim to be healthy and strong (men and women).

But this nihilistic idea that vein-popping abs should be a man’s main goal is another galaxy from reality.

If it’s a goal of yours, fine, go for it. Just don’t be too upset if many people of the opposite sex don’t congratulate you on your endeavours.

Muscles are softer than emotions

Sadly, I get why many men fall into the whole six-pack obsession.

It’s easier to change your eating habits than your ego. You can use a tried-and-tested approach to getting shredded. But there isn’t one for how to stand up for their female allies.

I know this because I’ve got sucked into this mindset before. Instead of finding ways to speak out more, I’ve stayed silent when I should have been challenging. I was focusing on my body but avoiding difficult conversations with other men.

Working out consistently might be hard work, but nobody is really questioning your beliefs or integrity. Standing up for what is right means sticking your neck out. Many men still aren’t willing to sacrifice the herd’s safety.

Getting stacked, jacked, and ripped is simply an easier life to live than one that requires a deep dive into your behaviours. Prioritising Greek statue bodies often leads to more important areas for improvement being pushed aside.

Where are the same men talking about how to deal with your male friends who may have warped views? We seem to have an army of fitness influencers out there. But we’re thin on the ground with male voices that combat unhealthy narratives towards the opposite sex.

Because if you doubt that male violence isn’t one of the biggest threats to humanity — women and men included — then you just need to look at the leadership on display.

Turning up for women is not good for the brand?

Then there are the men who realise they can capitalise on other men’s insecurities.

They’ve found success in looking good. Then sell it to other men who most likely won’t achieve what they have, who try anyway. These guys mistake growth with being ripped. They think choosing rigorous discipline will make them a better person.

But getting a good body is just one area of improvement. There’s a much bigger challenge on our hands that needs to be addressed.

I’m sure many of the men who make these videos are decent fathers, husbands, friends, and community-focused people. So many of them have built audiences of millions. Yet so many remain silent on very pressing issues surrounding masculinity.

I guess calling out toxic mindsets to predominantly male audiences isn’t good for their brands?

Either way, we need to change this narrative. It starts by listening to the women in your life.

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