In his head

This is a template, an abstract for a book. If you want to see it happen, tell me. It will happen. It will take time as raw emotions from a disable person must be thoroughly processed before being put into words.

I am Alex. I am 37. I have schizophrenia.

My brain is disabled. Most people cannot comprehend it. They understand that one cannot walk with a broken leg, but they do not understand that one cannot see and feel the world the same way with a broken brain. Nobody can comprehend it unless they live it. But if they listen and believe us, perhaps they can help us, the way they would push someone in a wheelchair.

Most people are scared of us because they do not know. But they should know. We are more dangerous to ourselves than to others. Our condition is unbearable — tolerable only thanks to heavy neuroleptic treatments that slowly destroy the body in other ways. We have no cure. We must learn to live with it. We must fight it. Every minute of every day is a fight against your own brain. And we need help. The brain never stops.

In my brain, chemical signals are not processed the same way as in a healthy brain. As a result, my brain is not able to do all the complex reasoning required for emotional and social interactions. A simple phrase can be interpreted in the most absurd way. This leads to misunderstanding and paranoia, which lead to extreme responses through anxiety attacks, depression, or even aggression. A simple emotion, whether being happy or sad, is exponentially increased, not controlled, leading to so much pain. Here again, it leads to uncontrollable impulses, panic attacks, muscle spasms, and hyper-cardiac activity. Your conscious self leaves your body. You wake up and you have done things, but you were not there.

These are glimpses into my brain. The raw thoughts passing by. Good and bad. Unfiltered.

— — — — — — — -

Shares of Alex’s thoughts. Raw as he experiences them.

Some are familiar, some are incredibly distorted — at least to a healthy brain. Because in the end, each brain experiences its own interpretation of reality. A broken brain is not broken because it perceives things differently. It is broken because it causes suffering.