Apparently My Belly Button Needed a Full Reconstruction!

There are certain things you expect when navigating healthcare in the UK.

Long waits? Ok. Confusing admin? Of course. Being told to lose weight before surgery? Fair enough.

But, being repeatedly pushed toward a major abdominal reconstruction surgery that i never asked for, repeatedly declined and even put it in writing numerous times explicitly saying no…. all while trying to get a straightforward hernia repair via keyhole surgery (which had been confirmed was doable for the size of my hernia).

It definitely wasn’t on my 2026 Bingo card!

For context, i have an umbilical hernia which i have lived with for the past three years. Not glamorous, not dramatic but painful and increasingly problematic — ‘eat or drink?’, but never both at the same time, unless i wanted to live with a heavy, dragging, undescribable pain for the next 3 to 5 days. After waiting and navigating the system, i chose to go through a private hospital where the surgery itself would still be NHS funded. I genuinely thought this would mean smoother communication and more patient centred care. Which is exactly what it felt like through my checks, scans and initial care. But thats where it stopped.

I was told that my hernia could be repaired using keyhole surgery. Great, less invasive, shorter recovery, less risk, less scarring, all things i was perfectly happy with.

But somewhere along the line, the conversations stopped being about repairing a hernia and the focus turned to me needing full abdominal reconstructive surgery. It would be a benefit to me? Why wouldn’t a beautiful woman like myself want a perfectly flat stomach? That little pouch from pregnancy 27 years ago (i like to refer to it as my bum bag) would be gone? Why wouldn’t i want to take advantage of this ‘free’ option for myself that would make me look better?

Pardon?

Not suggested once. Not discussed neutrally, but pushed repeatedly. Viewed as not having the best body if i opted not to have this surgery. Are we really still saying comments like this? And they are deemed ok? My partner loves my belly as it is, and i have never had an issue with it….but this doctor felt the need to try and give me an issue with it.

Now let me be clear here, Abdominal reconstructive surgery has its place medically and for some patients it may be the best option. But here’s my issue; i repeatedly said no.

Not ‘I’m unsure’, nor ‘maybe later’, and definitely not ‘convince me’.

I said ‘No’, it wasn’t for me. I didn’t want intensive, invasive surgery with excessive scarring, increased risk, increased recovery for the sake of it. And i expected my decision to be respected.

But no, the pushing continued.

At first i thought maybe wires had simply been crossed. Hospitals are busy, inundated with patients, mistakes happen. So i emailed to confirm that the agreed surgery was keyhole repair only.

No response. So i email again.

Aired. So i try again.

At this point i’m questioning if i have my invisible cloak on!

Other emails i had sent, checking appointment times or dates had been responded to quickly, most times with a call to clarify also. Service was great. I just specifically received no response to the emails confirming i did not consent to the reconstructive surgery.

Eventually i contacted my GP to step in because at this point i was beginning to feel less like a patient and more like someone trapped in an aggressive, persistant upselling campaign.

Admissions then called me, a date in two weeks time for ‘my abdominal resconstruction surgery’! When i questioned that i hadn’t consented to this and asked why i was still being processed for the intensive surgery, i was told ‘they’d come back to me.’

Two days later, i received a hospital appointment letter through the post….for the plastic surgery…and a different date!

What was going on, this was becoming absurd and i had to laugh to stop myself screaming at the wall.

Now, here’s where things become uncomfortable.

I spoke to a friend who works within the industry. She told me that not one man with the same hernia condition she’d dealt with had even been offered abdo reconstruction, never mind repeatedly encouraged to have it after declining.

Not a single one.

I hadn’t even thought of that at this time. But, naturally, the question enters the room: Why?

Why was i, as a woman, being persistently pushed toward a far more extensive surgery than was necessary for the actual hernia repair?

Was it medically necessary? Assumptions about women and body image? Was it financial incentive because reconstruction procedures involve higher costs and additional post op treatments and follow up appointments?

And most importantly, why did me saying ‘no’ seem to carry so little weight? I’m a confident, assertive woman yet it seems not as assertive as i thought if my response repeatedly fell on deaf ears.

We hear a lot these days about patient choice, consent and listening to women in healthcare. It is unbelievably frustrating to know that my wishes have quietly been filed away under ‘ignore’.

I have enormous respect for the NHS and the people working inside impossible systems every day. This is about being pressed to have an operation, i didn’t medically need, had no health benefit other than cosmetic when i’d repeatedly said no.

This is about questioning whether bias, conscious or unconcious, exists in medicine or at least in my case?

If a man says ‘i just want the hernia repaired’, would he then find himself being pushed towards additional consultations he never requested, to make the most of himself? Apparently that’s not been the experience.

Throughout the process i have been completely cooperative. I accepted the weight loss requirements, attended scans and appointments on time, i engaged politely and i remained calm. And somehow, that still wasn’t enough to have my own medical choices respected.

Women have often been labelled ‘difficult’ if they advocate for themselves medically. So many of us learn to stay polite, measured and agreeable. I was receiving appointments for extensive surgery and was expected to just go along with it, even though it wasn’t what i wanted, to save any bother, despite repeatedly confirming i hadn’t consented.

I am now waiting the outcome of my GP and my Surgeons conversations, the wait for a follow up may take some time, but i won’t give in, not this time. My hernia and I remain united in opposition to this unnecessary reconstruction.

To be continued…..