Another Rant for BLE

Five Gimmicky “Slogans” And Cons That Advertisers Use That Instantly Piss Me Off

Have they no fucking shame?

Smells good outside, right? Photo by Quilia on Unsplash

Sadly, we are kind of stuck with advertising. What I mean by that is we have to pay for things one way or another. You can see evidence of this on the streaming services. You have to pay more for an ad-free “experience”.

But that doesn’t mean that we have to fucking like them.

No, Siree Bob. And here are some of the reasons we hate them:

1. Up To:

The infamous and total con of the Up To promise. This shampoo will reduce your flaky fucking dandruff by up to 99%. Yeah, sure. And how are you even going to measure this claim? Use it for two weeks and then go and visit your friendly neighbourhood Trichologist and see if they can tell?

Or a sale that offers Up To 50% discount?

Sure, from 0% to 50%.

Good luck finding that one item that offers 50% before it is sold.

2. Buy Now/Buy Now Pay Later:

If I see an ad (in any shape or form) that tells me to Buy Now, I guarantee you that I won’t. Not NOW or fucking ever! Piss off, I’ll buy it when I want to. But not from you shithead. And even worse is it’s crooked stepchild, the old Buy Now Pay Later trick. Sounds fucking great. Broke now but “need” a new phone? Jump right into the debt trap, and good luck coughing up when the inevitable time rolls around.

Avoid like the plague.

3. Sale Closes In…:

A not-so-subtle variation of the abovementioned Buy Now. Another con to try to put pressure on the “valued” customer, or simply Sucker, as we are probably known back in Head Office. Beloved by that sad thing on TV known as infomercials. Do No fall for it. I have seen ads that state Sale Closes Tomorrow that were still on six weeks later.

And it’s not unusual for prices to actually be lower after a sale.

4. Avoid The Whoosh or Prevent The Gush:

WTF is this insult to women everywhere? I am pretty sure that I don’t even need to mention the product desperately trying to be sold. I watched a Tik Tok like ad yesterday that used my titular tag lines. Women dancing everywhere, on board room tables, in parks, running in the streets, having a good old time in a nightclub. Jeepers Creepers, Ponytails (my nickname for advert “creators”), what are you thinking?

Treat the product with some respect and decorum.

Sorry, Ponytails, you might have to look up the latter.

5. Smells Like It Was Dried Outside:

Another “super-cool” tag line. Seriously? What does it even mean? Have the Ponytails ever been outside? OK, never mind, rhetorical question. Have you seen my pic above? Not all that is outside smells like roses.

But the synthetic shit that you put in your “special” laundry chemical, that we are encouraged to add to our wash does.

Thank you once again for reading. Hit me in the comments about ads that you hate. To be sure, there are plenty more out there.

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